Brent quotes from Corner Gas

Brent

They're frightened and confused by the weird newness.

Lacey

They're ranklin' at the weird newness.

Emma

Your father's done a lot of stupid things in his time...

Brent

You just realize that?

Emma

...But he's never stolen from me.

Lacey

Phobias are irrational, they don't have to make sense. Don't you guys have any?

Brent

Fears? Not really. I mean, just the standard stuff, you know. Pirates, vampires, Sasquatch, intimacy, commitment.

Lacey

What about you?

Wanda

None come to mind. Being intimate with a Sasquatch.

Hank

I'm like Wanda, I don't have any fears.

Brent

What about bees?

Hank

I don't have any bees either. [Pause] Oh, fear of bees, right, yeah.

Oscar

Who leaves a pair of pants by the side of the road?

Brent

That is weird. Picking up a stranger's pants and carrying 'em around all day, that's perfectly normal.

Oscar

Can't just leave 'em there, that's pants, be a waste. Waste of pants.

Wanda

Nobody likes pant waste.

Brent

Yeez I hope it's not genetic.

Wanda

Are you kidding? You're getting more like him every day.

Brent

Oh don't be a jackass!

Brent

[Upset about Wanda throwing away a TV flyer] Well why would you throw away-

Wanda

Garbage? I'm an enigma.

Brent

Really, does that pay well? Cause I'm getting the feeling your gas station career may be winding up.

Wanda

[sarcastically] Oh no.

Brent

A man's TV should reflect his age. You're 18, 18 inch. When you turn 27, 27 inch. One of these monsters will last me till I'm 50.

Wanda

You're not 50?

Brent

You're not fired?

Brent

This is the Dog River Howler after all, the info is sketchy at best. Remember last year when those coyotes were comin' into town, eatin' people's cats.

Hank

Plus, the plural of werewolf is werewolves... with a "v".

Brent

Also a good point.

Brent

Wanda, can I show you something?

Wanda

I've already seen your belly doing the hula.

Brent

A broken pipe?

Emma

I dunno how it happened.

Oscar

[trying to fix the broken pipe] Probably his fault, all those damn showers he took when he was a kid.

Brent

Well, can't Dad fix it?

Emma

What do you think?

Brent

Well how the hell did it get bent like that?

Oscar

How should I know? Looks like the work of an orangutan.

Brent

Really? That's your prime suspect?

Davis

Get her!

Karen

Yeah! Get her!

Lacey

Oh, have a heart!

Brent

That's "hurry hard".

Brent

Wanda, will you come with me?

Wanda

You rented Jerry Maguire last night, didn't you?

Brent

Yeah, I forgot to bring it back too, but regardless will you come with me?

Wanda

I don't know, Brent...

Brent

Bear in mind, I sign your paycheck.

Wanda

Fine, I'll join your new team.

Oscar

Aahhh.

Brent

Yes, thank you Wanda, you won't regret this.

Wanda

Yeah yeah, you complete me.

Oscar

Strategies! There's no strategy in curling, you just throw rocks.

Brent

Maybe that's why our team record with you as skip is...Wanda?

Wanda

Oh, uh … Two wins, eighty seven losses, one tie.

Wanda

The wins were by default, and the tie was against Mrs. Carter's Grade Three class.

Oscar

What's all the racket? I can hear you clear across town!

Brent

You can hear us two blocks away?