Brent quotes from Corner Gas

Brent

Wait a minute, this sounds like the perfect game to play somewhere else.

Brent

Quitting coffee is hard; quittin' knittin' is easy—and fun to say. Quittin' knittin', quittin' knittin', quittin' knittin'.

Brent

[Carrying Wanda's big telescope into his garage] Protected by my intense disinterest.

Brent

[repeated line] Coffee break.

Brent

I so don't believe you. My disbelief is like an iron fortress of disbelief... patrolled by Superman... and he doesn't believe you either.

Brent

I probably touched my eyeballs too much earlier. I was really going at it.

Brent

Want me to fill it up?

Sure. You know, I've never driven across Saskatchewan before.

Brent

Well, you still haven't, really. About halfway to go yet.

Sure is flat.

Brent

How do you mean?

You know, flat. Nothing to see.

Brent

What do you mean, like topographically? Hey Hank, this guy says Saskatchewan is flat.

Hank

How do you mean?

Brent

Topographically, I guess. He says there's nothin' to see.

Hank

There's lots to see. There's nothin' to block your view.

Brent

There's lots to see. Nothin' to block your view. Like the mountains back there. They're uh … Well, what the hell? I could've sworn there was a big mountain range back there. Juttin' up into the sky all purple and majestic. I must be thinkin' of a postcard I saw or somethin'. Hey, it is kinda flat, thanks for pointin' that out.

You guys always this sarcastic?

Brent

Nothin' else to do.

Hank

There's freaky abstract art on the walls, and she put these weird cloths on the table.

Brent

Yeah.

Hank

It's too much. She's turned the coffee shop into a gay bar.

Oscar

Who is?!

Hank

Oh yeah, well, I got two words for ya. Boycott! I'm gonna put this place outta business.

Brent

Hank if you had the power to put companies outta business by just not being a customer, why am I still able to buy mouthwash?

Wanda

Yeah and deodorant?

Emma

Clean underwear.

Brent

Books.

Wanda

Pants that fit.

Emma

Nail clippers.

Brent

Dandruff shampoo.

Wanda

Uummm...dental floss.

Emma

Toilet paper.

Oscar

Pickup trucks.

Emma

[groans]

Brent

You don't know what we're doing, do you, Dad?

Oscar

Shut up.

Oscar

[to Emma] Your son is turning the gas station into a movie theatre!

Brent

Bear in mind that Dad has a tendency to overstate things.

Oscar

I have never overstated a single thing in the history of the planet!

Marvin Drey the Taxman

I can appreciate that you don't wanna help me. I get that a lot, sometimes I get outright hostility, just because of my job.

Brent

Well, no offence but I mean I can't just turn over my father. There's a bond between father and son that's strong and sacred.

Oscar

Hey, idiot! You left the lid on the dumpster up last night! Crows have scattered garbage all over the place and I'll be damned if I'm gonna clean it up. It'll be you out there on your hands and knees scrapin' up crow crap!

Brent

I'll tell you whatever you need to know.

Oscar

Davis just gave me a parking ticket. What's he trying to pull? My taxes pay his salary!

Brent

Geez, Dad, you gotta stop paying everyone's salary. You're only one man.

Marvin Drey the Taxman

I just need to speak to your father to verify a few things.

Brent

I don't think he's here. I think he went to Hawaii.

Marvin Drey the Taxman

Hawaii?

Brent

Not Hawaii. Somewhere cheaper than that. Red Deer.

Oscar

Here you go, jackass. Read 'em and weep!

Marvin Drey the Taxman

Jackass?

Brent

It's not just you. Remember the butterfly.

Hank

Plan 'B'.

Oscar

What the hell are you doing?! Those are the real papers! Jackass!

Brent

See? It's not just you.

Brent

No fear. You know where I read that?

Lacey

Where?

Brent

On the T-shirt of a kid working down at the co-op. He didn't let fear stand in his way. He stood there bravely bagging onions.