[Andy is strangling Diane, dressed as characters from "Othello".]
Help, this psycho is trying to kill me!
That's the only line from Shakespeare I ever understood!
S2 E4Homicidal Ham
S2 E5Sumner's Return
[about War and Peace] Forget it Sam, no one can read four ounces a day.
You didn't shave.
Oh no no. I needed a new place to scratch.
S2 E6Affairs of the Heart
I'll go with you I know CPR.
I'll go, I'm a CPA.
[Calling Carla in a hotel room, worried Hank may die if he's allowed to have sex with her] What should I say?
Ask her to look next to her and count the dead people.
S2 E7Old Flames
Sam, if brains were money you'd have to take out a loan for a cup of coffee.
Coach, I'm having blackouts!
Kinda nice break in the day, isn't it, Sam?
S2 E8Manager Coach
What's the point of winning if you can't humiliate the other team?
Coach has lost his sweet disposition. he's turned into a tyrant.
Yeah, but he's winning Diane and winning is the most important thing here.
Well, I don't think winning is the most important thing here.
Well good then, you won't mind losing this argument.
Over my dead body.
Hey, don't bring last night into this.
Boy I'd love to Mort but I don't have any time around here. I spend half my life trying to keep this bar on its feet and the other half trying to keep Diane off hers.
S2 E9They Called Me Mayday
Coach, we don't want to be bothered.
Who does?
Somebody wants you at another table.
Who?
Everybody at this one.
How do you keep so trim, Carla?
Sex.
You mean sex is the greatest exercise.
Nah, I miss it so much I can't eat.
S2 E10How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Call You Back
[trying to scratch a bikini off a card] There's something wrong here. I can't get the bikini off my girl.
Story of your life, big guy.
[to Sam] When I and everyone else in the world say I love you, we are opening up the very core of our being. When you say it, you're just clearing your throat.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Cheers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.