TV show quotes
[to a customer who just finished her purchase] Please go.
Anya, the Shopkeepers Union of America called. They wanted me to tell you that "Please go" just got replaced with "Have a nice day."
But I have their money. Who cares what kind of day they have?
No one. It's just a long cultural tradition of raging insincerity. Embrace it.
What are you doing here? [Spike begins to answer] Five words or less.
[Pauses, then, counting on his fingers] Out... for... a... walk... bitch.
Out for a walk by my house at night. I don't have time for this, William.
On your merry way, then. Contrary to one's self involved world view, your house happens to be directly between... parts and... other parts of this town. And I would pass by in the day but I feel I'm outgrowing my burst into flames phase.
Fine. Keep going. I'll cut you a break.
Let me guess. You won't kill me. The whole crowd pleasing threats and swagger routine. Outstandingly original. You know, I was just passing through. Satisfied? I hope so because God knows you need some satisfaction in your life besides shagging Captain Cardboard. And... and I never really liked you anyway. And... and you have stupid hair.
And another thing I just want you to know, this whole "beat you to death" thing I'm doing? This is valuable time out of life I'm never gonna get back.
...
Wait, I've always wanted to try this. You know that thing with worms, where if you have one and you rip it in half, you get two worms. Do you think that'll work with you? [Buffy headbutts her] Ow! You hit me. What are you crazy? You can't go around hitting people. What were you, born in a barn? Fine, be that way! [grabs Buffy by the throat] I just noticed something, you have superpowers, that is so cool. Can you fly? [throws Buffy across the room]
Well, this earns you a big favor. There could be outfits.
You learn her source [grins] and, uh, we'll introduce her to her insect reflection.
[Everyone stares in confusion. Tara stops smiling.]
Um, that-that was funny if you, um, studied Taglarin mythic rites... [quietly] and are a complete dork.
Oh, then how come Xander didn't laugh?
I don't know that Taglarin stuff.
You're in a magic shop, and you can't think what Tara would like. I believe you're both profoundly stupid.
Well, we don't really know what kind of things witches like. What, are we gonna get her some cheesy crystal ball?
You bloody well better not. I've got mine already wrapped.
You want her, Mr. Maclay? You can go ahead and take her. You just gotta go through me.
What?
You heard me! You wanna take Tara out of here against her will? You gotta come through me.
And me!
Is this a joke? I'm not gonna be threatened by two little girls!
You don't wanna mess with us.
She's a hair-puller.
And you're not just dealing with two little girls.
You're dealing with all of us.
[Holds up hand] Except me.
Except Spike.
I don't care what happens.
This is insane. You people have no right to interfere with Tara's affairs. We are her blood kin! Who the hell are you?
We're family.
[re: Riley's commando hand movements] What's with the hand move? D'you see that? Does that, like, mean somethin'?
It's code. I think it breaks down to "choo-choo." [mimics pulling a train whistle]
It probably means to follow him. That, or wait here for him.
Hey Riley! What's the [Mimics gesture] all about?
It means yell real loud, so the vampires who don't know we're coming will have a sporting chance.
Look, I realize that every Slayer comes with an expiration mark on the package. But I want mine to be a long time from now. Like a Cheeto. If there were just a few good descriptions of what took out the other Slayers, maybe it would help me to understand my mistake, to keep it from happening again.
Giles [uncomfortable with the topic]: Yes, well, the problem is after a final battle, it's difficult to get any... well, the Slayer's not... she's rather...
It's OK to use the D-word, Giles.
Dead. And hence, not very forthcoming.
Why didn't the Watchers keep fuller accounts of it? The journals just stop.
Well, I suppose if they're anything like me they just find the whole subject too--
Unseemly? Damn, love ya, but you Watchers are such prigs sometimes.
Painful, I was going to say. [Giles and Buffy are very quiet for a moment] But you're right; accounts of the final battles would be very helpful. But there's no one left to tell the tales.
[Buffy has a sudden revelation]
What?
Lesson the first: a Slayer must always reach for her weapon. [morphs into vampire face] I've already got mine.
How many of my kind do you think you've done?
Not enough.
Mm-hmm. And we just keep comin'. But you can kill a hundred, a thousand, a thousand thousand and the armies of Hell besides, and all we need is for one of us, just one, sooner or later, to have the thing we're all hoping for.
And that would be what?
[whispers in her ear] One... good... day.
The first was all business, but the second -- she had a touch of your style. She was cunning, resourceful... oh, did I mention? Hot. I could have danced all night with that one.
You think we're dancing?
That's all we've ever done. And the thing about the dance is, you never get to stop. Every day you wake up, it's the same bloody question that haunts you: "Is today the day I die?" Death is your art. You make it with your hands, day after day. That final gasp. That look of peace. Part of you is desperate to know: "What's it like? Where does it lead you?" And now, you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw, or the kicks you didn't land. She merely wanted it. Every Slayer... has a death wish.
[in a flashback, Spike snaps Nikki's neck]
Even you. The only reason you've lasted as long as you have is you've got ties to the world...your mum, your brat kid sister, the Scoobies. They all tie you here, but you're just putting off the inevitable. Sooner or later, you're gonna want it. And the second- the second - that happens...You know I'll be there. I'll slip in... have myself a real good day. Here endeth the lesson. I just wonder if you'll like it as much as she did.
Am I right, Giles?
I'm almost certain you're not, but to be fair, I wasn't listening.
I for one didn't want to start my day with a slaughter... Which really just goes to show how much I've grown!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Buffy the Vampire Slayer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
