Buffy the Vampire Slayer quotes

Buffy

Giles, are you sure about this?

Giles

Why wouldn't I be?

Buffy

Well, aside from the fact that most magic shop owners in Sunnydale have the life expectancy of a Spinal Tap drummer... and have you ever run a store before?

Giles

I was a librarian for years. This is exactly the same, except people pay for the things they don't return. It'll give me focus, increase my resources. And it'll prevent you lot from trampling all over my flat at all hours. There may even be some space for you to train in the back.

Buffy

Boy, you've really thought this through... How bored were you last year?

Giles

I watched "Passions" with Spike. Let us never speak of it.

Giles

There is nothing but you. You are the center. And within you, there is the core of your being... of what you are. Find it. Breathe into it. Focus inward. Let the world fall away. Fall away. Fall away.

Buffy

[gasps]

Dawn

Can we go now?

Dawn

[voice over] Nobody knows who I am. Not the real me. It's like nobody cares enough to find out. I mean, does anyone ever ask me what I want to do with my life, or what my opinion is on stuff, or what restaurant to order in from? No. Underline, Exclamation point. Exclamation point, exclamation point. No one understands. No one has an older sister who's a Slayer. People wouldn't be so crazy about her if they had to live in the same house with her every single day. Everybody cares what she thinks, just 'cause she can do backflips and stuff. Like that's such a crucial job skill in the real world. Plus, Mom lets her get away with everything. "Your sister's saving the world." I could so save the world if somebody handed me superpowers, but I'd think of a cool name and wear a mask to protect my loved ones, which Buffy doesn't even. If this town wasn't so lame, everyone would completely know what she does. And then I bet they wouldn't even be that impressed, because, like, killing things with wood? Oh. Scary vampires. They die from a splinter.

Xander

Anya, you there? Look, I know you're still mad, but I figure you're probably sitting there pretending you're not home but listening anyway.

Am not.

Willow

You have to help me figure this out, you know.

Xander

But I never help. I get in trouble and Buffy saves me.

Willow

That's not true, sometimes we all help to save you... And-and sometimes you're not in trouble.

Xander

Hey, wait 'til you have an evil twin, see how you handle it.

Willow

I handled it fine.

Buffy

Well, if this guy wants to fight with weapons, I've got it covered from A to Z -- from 'axe' to... 'zee other axe'.

Well maybe we shouldn't do this re-integration thing right away. See, I can take the boys home and we can all have sex together, and then, you know, just slap 'em back together in the morning.

She's joking.

No she's not! She entirely wants to have sex with us together, which is wrong and... and it would be very confusing.

Giles

We just need to arrange the candles; also, we should continue to pretend we heard none of the disturbing sex talk.

Willow

Check. Candles and pretense.

Well, what do we do if it doesn't work?

[simultaneously] Kill us both, Spock! [both laugh]

Buffy

They're... kinda the same now.

Giles

Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself.

Xander

I just thought you could help carry a little.

Me? [pouts] Buffy has super-strength. Why don't we just load her up, like one of those little horses?

Xander

Anya. Please.

Fine. I'm just your slave.

Buffy

Spike, I just saw you taste your own nose blood. You know what? I'm too grossed out to hear anything you have to say. Go home.

Spike

It's blood. It's what I do!

Spike

I will know your blood, Slayer. I will make your neck my chalice... and drink deep. [turns around and falls into an open grave] Ow!

Buffy

I so don't want to deal with Spike right now. The guy is really starting to bug me in that special "I want to shove something wooden through his heart" kind of way.

Spike

Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! Everywhere I turn she's there! That nasty little face, that bouncing shampoo-commercial hair, that whole sodding holier-than-thou attitude.

Harmony

Well, aren't we unholy by definition?

Spike

She follows me, you know, tracks me down. I'm her pet project. Drive Spike around the bend. Makes every day a fresh bout o' torture! [Spike throws a lapid and break it]

Harmony

Spike?!

[To Harmony] You can't smoke in here

Harmony

[Holding a Crossbow] Oh yeah, says who? [Doctor points to a "No Smoking" sign] Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I didn't see the sign.

I've always wanted to kill the Slayer.

Buffy

And I've always wanted piano lessons. So really... who's surprised we've got this unexpressed rage? But honestly, I think I express mine better. Tell you what... you find yourself a good anger management class, and I'll jam this pokey wood stick through your heart.

Buffy

[pulls a glowing orb out of her bag] What the hell is it?

Giles

It appears to be paranormal in origin.

Willow

How can you tell?

Giles

Well, it's so shiny.