Buffy the Vampire Slayer · Season 5
“No Place Like Home” · Season 5
In this episode: Buffy Summers (3), Xander Harris (1), Willow Rosenberg (1), Rupert Giles (1), Spike (1), Anya Jenkins (1), Vampire (1), Glory (1)
I've always wanted to kill the Slayer.
And I've always wanted piano lessons. So really... who's surprised we've got this unexpressed rage? But honestly, I think I express mine better. Tell you what... you find yourself a good anger management class, and I'll jam this pokey wood stick through your heart.
[pulls a glowing orb out of her bag] What the hell is it?
It appears to be paranormal in origin.
How can you tell?
Well, it's so shiny.
[to a customer who just finished her purchase] Please go.
Anya, the Shopkeepers Union of America called. They wanted me to tell you that "Please go" just got replaced with "Have a nice day."
But I have their money. Who cares what kind of day they have?
No one. It's just a long cultural tradition of raging insincerity. Embrace it.
What are you doing here? [Spike begins to answer] Five words or less.
[Pauses, then, counting on his fingers] Out... for... a... walk... bitch.
Out for a walk by my house at night. I don't have time for this, William.
On your merry way, then. Contrary to one's self involved world view, your house happens to be directly between... parts and... other parts of this town. And I would pass by in the day but I feel I'm outgrowing my burst into flames phase.
Fine. Keep going. I'll cut you a break.
Let me guess. You won't kill me. The whole crowd pleasing threats and swagger routine. Outstandingly original. You know, I was just passing through. Satisfied? I hope so because God knows you need some satisfaction in your life besides shagging Captain Cardboard. And... and I never really liked you anyway. And... and you have stupid hair.
And another thing I just want you to know, this whole "beat you to death" thing I'm doing? This is valuable time out of life I'm never gonna get back.
...
Wait, I've always wanted to try this. You know that thing with worms, where if you have one and you rip it in half, you get two worms. Do you think that'll work with you? [Buffy headbutts her] Ow! You hit me. What are you crazy? You can't go around hitting people. What were you, born in a barn? Fine, be that way! [grabs Buffy by the throat] I just noticed something, you have superpowers, that is so cool. Can you fly? [throws Buffy across the room]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Buffy the Vampire Slayer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
