Spike quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Spike

Oh, what...Ohh! Gaaah! What the bleeding hell is wrong with you bloody women? What the hell does it take? Why... do you bitches torture me?

Buffy

Which question do you want me to answer first?

Spike

I'm not going in.

Xander

And you're not leaving those. You really think you're going to score points with Buffy this way?

Spike

This isn't about Buffy.

Xander

Bull. We're all hip to your doomed obsession.

Spike

They're for Joyce.

Xander

Like you cared about her. [Spike moves closer to Xander]

Willow

Guys. Not here.

Spike

Care? Joyce was the only one of the lot of you I could stand.

Xander

And she was the only one with a daughter you wanted to shag. I'm touched.

Spike

I liked the lady. Understand, monkey boy? She was decent. She didn't put on airs. And she was the only one who didn't treat me like a freak.

Xander

Her mistake.

Spike

[scoffs] Think what you want. [He throws the flowers to the ground and stomps off]

Xander

Un ... believable. The guy thinks he can put on a big show and con Buffy into being his sex monkey.

Willow

[looking at flowers] Xander... He didn't leave a card.

Dawn

I know why you're doing this. I mean,you're practically stalking my sister

Spike

Its not that. I just don't like to see Summers women taking it on the chin. And I mean what I said earlier. You tell her about this, I'll put you in the ground as well.

Buffy

[impersonating the Buffybot] Why did you let that Glory hurt you?

Spike

She wanted to know who the Key was.

Buffy

Well, I can tell her, and then you...

Spike

No! You can't ever. Glory never finds out.

Buffy

Why?

Spike

Cause Buffy, the other, not-so-pleasant Buffy... Anything happened to Dawn, it'd destroy her. I couldn't live, her bein' in that much pain. I'd let Glory kill me first. Nearly bloody did.

Spike

And my robot?

Buffy

The robot is gone. The robot was gross and obscene.

Spike

It wasn't supposed to...

Buffy

Don't. That thing, it wasn't even real. What you did for me and Dawn... that was real. I won't forget it.

Spike

I'm a vampire. I know something about evil. You're not evil.

Dawn

Maybe I'm not evil. But I don't think I can be good.

Spike

Well, I'm not good, and I'm alright.

Spike

So you're saying that a powerful and mightily pissed off witch was planning on going and spilling herself a few pints of God blood until you, what, explained?

Buffy

No, I told Willow it would be like suicide.

Spike

I'd do it. Right person, person I loved, I'd do it.

Spike

Come on. Step on it, gramps

Giles

Step on what? I've driven tricycles with more power than this.

Spike

[laughs sarcastically] Oh, I get it. That's very crafty. [nods] Glory's worked the kind of mojo where anyone who sees her little presto-change-o instantly forgets. And yours truly, being somewhat other than human ... stands immune.

Willow

[frowning.] So ... Ben and Glory ... are-are the same person?

Xander

[slowly, like a revelation] Glory can turn into Ben, and Ben turns back into Glory.

And anyone who sees it instantly forgets.

Spike

[sigh of relief] Kewpie doll for the lady.

Giles

Excellent. Now. Do we suspect there may be some kind of connection between Ben and Glory?

Spike

Found Ben's room at Glory's. Didn't learn much.

Xander

Wait, wait, wait. Ben? At Glory's? [Spike rolls his eyes.] You're saying all this time he's been subletting from her?

Spike

This ... is gonna be worth it.

Ow!!

Xander

Why blood? Why Dawn's blood? Why couldn't it be like a-a lymph ritual or something?

Spike

'Cause it's always got to be blood.

Xander

We're not actually discussing dinner right now.

Spike

Blood is life, lackbrain. Why do you think we eat it? It's what keeps you going. Makes you warm. Makes you hard. Makes you other than dead. 'Course it's her blood.

Buffy

Weapons are by the TV. I'll grab the stuff upstairs.

Spike

Buffy... If you wanna just hand them over the threshold...

Buffy

Come in, Spike.

Spike

Presto. No barrier. I won't bother with the small stuff. Couple of good axes should hold off Glory's mates while you take on the lady herself.

Buffy

We're not all gonna make it. You know that?

Spike

Yeah. Always knew I'd go down fightin'.

Buffy

I'm counting on you to protect her.

Spike

Till the end of the world. Even if that happens to be tonight.

Buffy

I'll be a minute.

Spike

I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster. But you treat me like a man. And that's...Get your stuff. I'll be here

Buffy

We on schedule?

Giles

Yes, it's time.

Buffy

Will?

Willow

Tara, baby? Is there somewhere you should be?

Tara

They held me down.

Willow

No one's holding you. It's the big day, right? Do you wanna go?

Tara

[pauses on the way to the door, points at Giles] You're a killer. [Quieter] This is all set down. [continues towards the door]

Buffy

[to Willow] Stay close but don't crowd her. We'll follow in a minute. [to the rest of the gang] Hey, everybody knows their jobs. Remember, the ritual starts - we all die. And I'll kill anyone who comes near Dawn. [leaves]

Spike

Well, not exactly the St Crispin's Day speech, was it?

Giles

We few. We happy few.

Spike

We band of buggered.

Spike

Come on, I'm not going to get anything killed with you lot holding me back.

Tara

I thought the big ones were supposed to tire more easily.

Spike

No, that's over the hill shopkeepers.

Giles

[Out of breath] I'm fine. I just need to die for a minute.

Spike

It was that powder you blew at him that made him rabbit off.

Tara

It was supposed to confuse him but it just made him peppy. Its not supposed to mix with anything. You think he's taking prescription medication?

Giles

Well let's hope he doesn't handle any heavy machinery.

Willow

I got her head back on, didn't I? And I got her off those knock-knock jokes.

Oh, who's there?

Xander

If you want her to be exactly...

Spike

She'll never be exactly.

Xander

I know.

Tara

The only really real Buffy is really Buffy.

Giles

And she's gone.

If you want her to be exactly she'll never be exactly I know the only really real Buffy is really Buffy and she's gone who?

Buffy

How long was I gone?

Spike

Hundred forty-seven days yesterday. Hundred and forty-eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it? [Pause] How long was it where you were?

Buffy

...Longer.