“Reptile Boy” quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Angel

I knew this was gonna happen.

Buffy

What? What do you think is happening?

Angel

You're 16 years old, I'm 241.

Buffy

I've done the math.

Angel

You don't know what you're doing. You don't know what you want.

Buffy

Oh, no, I, I think I do. I want out of this conversation.

Angel

Listen, if we date, you and I both know one thing's going to lead to another.

Buffy

One thing already has led to another. You think it's a little late to be reading me a warning label?

Angel

I'm just trying to protect you. This could get out of control.

Buffy

Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?

Angel

[grabs her roughly] This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.

Buffy

No. When you kiss me I want to die.

Buffy

Well, say it.

Xander

I'm not gonna say it.

Willow

You lied to Giles.

Xander

'Cause she will.

Buffy

I wasn't lying. I was just... protecting him from information that he wouldn't be able to... digest properly.

Xander

Like a corn dog.

Willow

Like you don't have a sick mother, but you'd rather go to a frat party where there's gonna be drinking and older guys and probably an orgy.

Xander

Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho, rewind. Since when do they have orgies, and why aren't I on the mailing list?

Buffy

There's no orgies!

Buffy

Angel barely says two words to me.

Xander

Don't you hate that?

Buffy

And when he does, he treats me like I'm a child.

Xander

That bastard!

Buffy

You know, at least Tom can carry on a conversation.

Xander

Yeah! (pause) Tom? Who's Tom?

Willow

The frat guy.

Xander

Oh, Buffy, I don't think so. Frying pan, fire? You know what I'm sayin'?

Giles

She lied to me?

Willow

Well...

Angel

Did... she have a date?

Willow

(to Angel) Well, why do you think she went to that party? Because you gave her the brush-off! (to Giles) And you never let her do anything except work and patrol! And I know she's the Chosen One, but you're killing her with the pressure! I mean, she's sixteen going on forty! (to Angel) And you! I mean, you're gonna live forever! You don't have time for a cup of coffee?? [Awkward beat.] Okay, I don't feel better now, and we've got to help Buffy.

Buffy

I told one lie, I had one drink.

Giles

Yes, and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words "let that be a lesson" are a tad redundant at this juncture.

Cordelia

You did it. You saved us. I've never been so happy to see anyone in my whole. You guys. I just... hate you guys. The weirdest things always happen when you around. And you, you're going to jail for 15,000 years.

Buffy

I told one lie. I had one drink.

Giles

Yes, and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words "let that be a lesson" are a tad redundant at this juncture.

Buffy

I'm sorry.

Giles

So am I. I... I drive you too hard because I know what you have to face. From now on, no-no more pushing, no more prodding. Just, um, an inordinate amount of nudging.