And you're loving playing nursemaid?
Oh, yeah!
So, is it better than playing naughty stewardess?
“Ted” · Season 2, Episode 11
In this episode: Buffy Summers (6), Xander Harris (5), Willow Rosenberg (4), Cordelia Chase (3), Rupert Giles (2), Angel (1)
Vampires are creeps.
Yes, that's why one slays them.
I mean, people are perfectly happy getting along, and then vampires come, and they run around and they kill people, and they take over your whole house, they start making these stupid little mini-pizzas, and everyone's like, "I like your mini pizzas", but I'm telling you, I am--
Uh, Buffy! I believe the subtext here is rapidly becoming, uh... text.
So Mom's like, "Do you think Ted will like this?" and "This is Ted's favorite show", and "Ted's teaching me computers", and "Ted said the funniest thing", and I'm like, "That's really great, Mom", and then she said I was being sarcastic, which I was, but I'm sorry if I don't wanna talk about Ted all the time.
So, you gonna talk about something else at some point?
I'm sorry. I just have so much to deal with, I don't need some new guy in my life.
No, but maybe your mom does.
Well, sure, if you're gonna use wisdom.
Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is.
Okay, so my mom needs a guy in her life. Does it have to be Ted?
Do you have somebody else in mind? There's a guy out there that would satisfy you?
My dad? Yeah, okay, that's not gonna happen. Fine, fine, I'll give Ted a chance. I'll play mini-golf, and I'll smile and curtsy and be the dutiful daughter. Do I have to like him?
Kiss me.
Finally, something I wanna do!
[about Ted] So far, all I see is someone who supposedly has a good job, and is nice and polite, and my mother really likes him.
What kind of a monster is he?
Oh, Will, you're supposed to use your powers for good!
I just wanna learn stuff.
Like how to build your own serial killer?
Uh, it's so hard to rent one nowadays.
I don't get it. Buffy's the Slayer. Shouldn't she have...
What, a license to kill?
Well, not for fun! But she's, like, this Superman! Shouldn't there be different rules for her?
Sure, in a fascist society.
Right! Why can't we have one of those?
Buffy's not going to jail. It's not fair.
Whatever the authorities have planned for her, it can't be much worse than what she's doing to herself. She's taken a human life. The guilt, it... it's, it's pretty hard to bear, and it won't go away soon.
I guess you should know, since you helped raise that demon that killed that guy that time?
Yes. Do let's bring that up as often as possible.
So, I'm Ted, the sickly loser. I'm dying, and my wife dumps me. I build a better Ted. He brings her back, holds her hostage in his bunker o' love until she dies, and then he keeps bringing her back over and over. Now, now that's creepy on a level I hardly knew existed.
The sad part is, the real Ted must have been a genius. There were design features in that robot that predate--
Willow, tell me you didn't keep any parts.
Not any, big ones.
Oh, Will, you're supposed to use your powers for good.
I just wanna learn stuff.
Like how to build your own serial killer?
Well, it's so hard to rent one nowadays.
Can't we just drop the subject?
Absolutely. I plan to forget the whole thing and pick up right where we left off. Okay. That's it. I give up. Do I have to sound an air horn everytime I walk into a room? I mean, what is it with grown-ups these days?
[Xander and Cordelia snickering]
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