Willow Rosenberg quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Willow

Aren't you too young to be a bartender?

Xander

Au contraire, mon frere.

Buffy

Mon frere means brother.

Xander

Mon girl-frere. Behold! [holds up a fake ID]

Willow

I don't believe this is entirely on the up and up.

Xander

What gives it away?

Willow

Looking at it.

Willow

Buffy that is my best friend you need to think about not Parker. He's no good. There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis.

Xander

Nothing can defeat the penis! [looks around] Too loud, very unseemly.

Oz

Hey, you got a table.

Willow

I had to kill a man.

Oz

Well it's a really good table.

Willow

How come you didn't tell me I look like a crazy birthday cake in this shirt?

Buffy

I thought that was the point.

Willow

Oz, don't you love me?

Oz

My whole life, I've never loved anything else.

Willow

The Bronze is more fun this year, isn't it?

Buffy

'Cause of the gloating factor alone, you know? We're all about college, now. We've got heady discourse.

Oz

Yeah, curfew-free nights of mom and pop-less hootenanny.

Xander

Co-ed dating prospects who find townies sexy and dangerous. What? I can dream.

Buffy

Right. So if college is so great, what are we doing here and why is it more fun?

Willow

Because the Bronze is nice and familiar. It's like a big comfy blankie.

Oz

Will, I was under the impression that I was your big comfy blankie.

Willow

Aw, you're my person blankie. This is my place blankie.

Veruca

Can't say I'm surprised you didn't go through with your little hex. You don't have the teeth.

Willow

You don't know what I have. You don't know anything about me.

Veruca

I know what you love. [sniffs] I have his scent on me right now.

Oz

Don't touch her again.

Veruca

Come stop me. I like it rough, remember?

Oz

You want to hurt me, hurt me. You leave her out of this.

Veruca

How can I? She's the reason you're living in cages. She's blinding you. When she's gone, you'll be able to admit what you are.

Oz

You don't wanna find out what I am.

Veruca

You're an animal. Animals kill.

Oz

You're right. We kill.

Willow

Hello.

Oz

Hi.

Willow

What are you doing?

Oz

I'm going.

Willow

Now? That's your solution?

Oz

That's my decision.

Willow

Don't I get any say in this?

Oz

No. Veruca was right about something. The wolf is inside me all the time. And I don't know where that line is anymore between me and it. And until I figure out what that means, I shouldn't be around you. Or anybody.

Willow

Well, that could be a problem, 'cause people... kind of a planetary epidemic.

Oz

I'll find someplace.

Willow

Well, how long?

Oz

I don't know.

Willow

Oz, don't you love me? [sniffles]

Oz

My whole life, I've never loved anything else.

Willow

[sobs, shuddering exhale] Oz... Oh, God. Oz... [crying]

Willow

OK, say that I help and you start a conversation. It goes great. You like Buffy, she likes you. You spend time together, feelings grow deeper and one day, without even realizing it, you find you're in love. Time stops and it feels like the whole world's made for you two and you two alone, until the day one of you leaves and rips the still-beating heart from the other, who's now a broken, hollow mockery of the human condition.

Riley

[taken aback] Yep, that's the plan.

Willow

I figured it was.

Spike

I'll give you a choice. Now I'm going to kill you - no choice in that. But I can let you stay dead... or bring you back, to be like me.

Spike

Bonus. [moves toward Willow's neck]

Spike

I don't understand. This sort of thing's never happened to me b-before.

Willow

Maybe you were nervous.

Spike

I felt all right when I started. Let's try again. [he leaps on her and draws back in pain] Ow! Oh! {he tries again] Ow! Damn it!

Willow

Maybe you're trying too hard. Doesn't this happen to every vampire?

Spike

Not to me it doesn't.

Willow

It's me, isn't it?

Spike

What are you talking about?

Willow

Well, you came looking for Buffy, then settled. You didn't wanna bite me. I just happened to be around.

Spike

Piffle.

Willow

I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It's always like, "Oooh, you're like a sister to me," or, "Oh, you're such a good friend."

Spike

Don't be ridiculous. I'd bite you in a heartbeat.

Willow

Really?

Spike

Thought about it.

Willow

When?

Spike

Remember last year, you had on that, uh, fuzzy pink number with the lilac underneath?

Willow

I never would've guessed. You played the blood-lust kinda cool.

Spike

Mmm. I hate being obvious. All fangy and "rrr!" Takes the mystery out.

Willow

But if you could...

Spike

If I could, yeah.

Willow

You know, this doesn't make you any less terrifying.

Spike

Don't patronize me. [desperate and embarrassed]: I'm only 126!

Willow

You're being too hard on yourself. Why don't we wait a half an hour and try again? Or...

Willow

Thanksgiving isn't a-about blending of two cultures. It's about one culture wiping out another! A-and then they make animated specials about the part where... w-with the maize and th-the big, big belt buckles. They don't show you the next scene, where... where all the bison die, a-and Squanto takes a musketball in the stomach!

Buffy

Okay, now, for some of that, you were channeling your mother?

Spike

Oh, someone put a stake in me!

Xander

You gotta lot of volunteers in here.

Spike

I just can't take all this namby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody Indians.

Willow

Uh, the preferred term is-

Spike

You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. That's what Caesar did, and he's not going around saying, "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it." The history of the world is not people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story.

Buffy

Well, I think the Spaniards actually did a lot of-- Not that I don't like Spaniards.

Spike

Listen to you. How you gonna fight anyone with that attitude?

Willow

We don't wanna fight anyone.

Buffy

I just wanna have Thanksgiving.

Spike

Heh. Yeah...Good luck.

Willow

If we could talk to him--

Spike

You exterminated his race. What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's kill or be killed here. Take your bloody pick.

Xander

Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but... some of that made sense.

Giles

I made a lot of these points earlier, but fine, no one listens to me.

Willow

I'll never get used to this. One day, she's at the friendship ceremony. The next day, she's on the news. The coroner's office said she was missing an ear. So I'm thinking, maybe we're looking for a witch. There's some great spells that work much better with an ear in the mix.

Buffy

That's one fun little hobby you've got there, Will.

Willow

Or... or maybe an ear-harvesting demon that--it's, like, building another demon completely out of ears. Or... ooh! Thought. We're just assuming someone else cut off the ear. What if it was self-inflicted, like Van Gogh?

Buffy

So... she brutally stabs herself, dumped the body, then cut off her own ear?

Willow

No. She cut off her ear, then killed herself, then dumped the body--I'm really off my game, aren't I?

Willow

I feel lousy.

Giles

Well, the turkey came out rather splendidly.

Willow

Oh, it was yummy. It's just... did you see me? Two seconds of conflict with an indigenous person, and I... I turn into General Custer.

Giles

Violence does that. You know, instinct takes over.

Spike

Yeah, that's the fun.

Xander

Nobody asked you.

Spike

Oh, lay off. You all had a fine meal. But me? An entire siege. You'd think one of you would bleed a little.

Giles

Good work, Buffy. On, you know, on both counts.

Buffy

Thanks.

Giles

Well, you know, you should be very pleased.

Buffy

Wasn't exactly a perfect Thanksgiving.

Xander

I don't know. Seemed kind of right to me. A bunch of anticipation, a big fight, and now we're all sleepy.

Giles

[chuckles] And we did all survive.

Buffy

I guess that much is true. First Thanksgiving on my own, and we all got through it.

Xander

And you know what? I think my syphilis is clearing right up.

Buffy

And they say romance is dead. Or maybe they just wish it.

Willow

Well, maybe we started a new tradition this year. Maybe not. But at least we all worked together. It was like old times.

Xander

Yeah, especially with Angel being here and everything. Oops.

Buffy

Seeing Angel in LA, even for five minutes... hello to the pain.

Willow

The pain is not a friend.

Buffy

But I can't help thinking, isn't that where the fire comes from? Can a nice, safe relationship be that intense? I know it's nuts, but part of me believes that real love and passion have to go hand in hand with pain and fighting. (Stakes a vampire) I wonder where I get that from?