What about the whole "it's a demon" theory?
I'm looking into that, but my investigation is somewhat... hampered by our life in the theater.
Uh, priority check, Giles? (holding up her hands) Talent show, murder.
XanderYeah, we can't do the talent show, it's unthinkable. I'm not able to think it!
Principal Snyder is watching us all very closely. Now, if he chooses, he can make all our lives extremely difficult. A Slayer cannot afford that! We will find this murderer, but in the meantime... the show must go on.
[Buffy, Xander and Willow perform a scene from Oedipus Rex]
O ruler of my country, Oedipus, you see our company around the altar, and I, the Priest of Zeus.
Xander
Ha, ha! They prophesize that I should kill my father, but he is dead and hidden deep in the soil. But surely I must fear my mother's bed.
O Oedipus, Oedipus, unhappy Oedipus. That is all I can call you and all that I ever shall call you.
Xander
Darkness, and horror of darkness, unfolding, restless visistant sped by an ill wind in haste. Madness and... madness a-and stabbing pain and-and, uh, oh, oh... Memory of, uh, ill deeds I have done.
Xander
Well, the Hellmouth, the center of mystical convergence, supernatural monsters: been there.
Little blasé there, aren't you?
Xander
I'm not worried. If there's something bad out there we'll find, you'll slay, we'll party!
Thanks for having confidence in me.
Xander
You da man, Buff!
Dead. The Hellmouth is closed. Buffy? Buffy?
Um, sorry. It's just... been a really weird day.
Xander
Yeah. Buffy died and everything.
I should've known that wouldn't stop you.
I don't know about the rest of you, but I'd like to get out of this place. I don't like the library very much anymore.
Xander
Hey, I hear there's a dance at the Bronze tonight. Could be fun.
Sure. We saved the world. I say we party. I mean, I got all pretty.
He's not going anywhere. Loser.
We'll see. You can come with us, though.
Xander
So, what's the story with the car?
I'm really, really hungry.
By the way, I really like your dress.
Yeah, yeah. It's a big hit with everyone.
Oh, look, it's the Three Musketeers.
[The others look at each other.]
[to Xander] Was that an insult?
Xander
Kinda lacked punch.
The Three Musketeers were cool.
Xander
I woulda gone with Stooges.
Well, I just meant that you guys always hang out together. So, did you guys fight any demons this summer?
Uh, yes! Our own personal demons.
Xander
Uh, such as, as, as lust and, uh, thrift!
I would have to go with Stooges also.
That's the only explanation that makes any sense. I mean, you should've seen her last night. That wasn't Buffy.
Xander
Are we overlooking the idea that she may be very attracted to me? [gets looks from the others and concedes] She's possessed.
[sarcastically] Well, that narrows it down.
Xander
Well, you're the expert. Hey, maybe when the Master killed her some... mystical bad guy transference thing happened.
That's what it was! I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?
Willow, I think we're all a little too old to be spelling things out.
Xander
A bitcuh?
Angel stopped by? Wow, was there... Well, I mean, was it having to do with kissing?
Willow, grow up. Not everything is about kissing.
Xander
Yeah, some stuff's about groping. It wasn't about groping?
Okay, hormones on parade here, it was pure shop talk. Remember vampires? Pointy teeth? They walk by night? Am I ringing a bell?
Oh, something's up. Nothing I can't handle.
Xander
Oh, hey, did you guys hear that Cibo Matto's gonna be at the Bronze tonight?
Cibo Matto? They're playing?
Xander
No, Willow. They're gonna be clog dancing.
Cibo Matto can clog dance? Oh, sarcasm. Right.
Xander
We should attend, no?
Oh, look, it's the Three Musketeers.
[The others look at each other.]
[to Xander] Was that an insult?
Xander
It kind of lacked punch.
The Three Musketeers were cool.
Xander
I would've gone with Stooges.
Well, I just meant that you guys always hang out together. So, did you guys fight any demons this summer?
Uh, yes, our own personal demons.
Xander
Uh, such as-as-as lust and, um, thrift.
I would have to go with Stooges, also.
What are you guys talking about? I'm talking about big, squiggly demons that came from the ground? Remember? Prom night? With all the vampires?
Cordelia? Your mouth is open. Sound is coming from it. This is never good.
Xander
No, it's... See, we can't mention that stuff in front of other people. Buffy being the Slayer and all.
You haven't been talking about our little adventure all summer, have you?
Are you nuts? You think I would tell people that I spent the whole evening with you? Besides, it was all so creepy. That Master guy and all the screaming? I don't even like to think about it. So... your secret's safe with me.
Well, that works out great. You won't tell everyone that I'm a Slayer, and I won't tell anyone you're a moron.
Xander
Now, that was a good insult.
Xander
(digging in the grave yard as the girls watch) Y'know, this might go a lot faster if you femmes actually picked up a shovel, too.
(stopping, almost breathless) Hear, hear.
Sorry, but I'm an old fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies.
I don't get it. Why would anybody wanna make a girl?
Xander
(bitterly) You mean when there's so many pre-made ones just laying around? The things we do for love.
Love has nothing to do with this.
Xander
Maybe not, but I'll tell you this: people don't fall in love with what's right in front of them. People want the dream. What they can't have. The more unattainable, the more attractive.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer · 894 quotes
