Buffy Summers quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Amy

Oh my God!

Oz

Kids?

Xander

Why was your mom there?

Buffy

More bad, she picked last night, of all nights, for a surprise bonding visit.

Willow

God, your mom would actually take the time to do that with you? [Buffy looks at her] That really wasn't the point of the story, was it?

Buffy

Hey. How are you?

Angel

I'm all right. I think I'm better than you right now. [indicates playground shrine] I heard about this. People are talking. People are even talking to me.

Buffy

It's strange. People die in Sunnydale all the time. I've never seen anything like this.

Angel

They were children. Innocent. It makes a difference.

Buffy

And Mr. Sanderson from the bank had it coming? My mom said some things to me about being the Slayer. That it's fruitless. No fruit for Buffy.

Angel

She's wrong.

Buffy

Is she? Is Sunnydale any better than when I first came here? Okay, so I battle evil. But I don't really win. The bad just keeps coming back... and getting stronger. Like the kid in the story, the boy that stuck his finger in the duck.

Angel

Dike. [Buffy looks at him.] It's another word for dam.

Buffy

Oh. Okay, that story makes a lot more sense now.

Angel

Buffy, you know there's still things I'm trying to figure out. There's a lot I don't understand. But I do know it's important to keep fighting. I learned that from you.

Buffy

But we never...

Angel

We never win.

Buffy

Not completely.

Angel

Never will. That's not why we fight. We do it because there's things worth fighting for.

Giles

Uh, wait, wait a minute. Uh... Uh, there is a fringe theory held by a few folklorists that some regional stories have actual, um, very literal antecedents.

Buffy

And in some language that's English?

Oz

Fairy tales are real?

Buffy

Hans and Gre... Hansel and Gretel?

Xander

Wait. Hansel and Gretel? Breadcrumbs, ovens, gingerbread house?

Giles

Of course! Well, it makes sense now.

Buffy

Yeah, it's all falling into place. Of course that place is nowhere near this place.

Giles

Some demons thrive by fostering hatred and, and, uh, persecution amongst the mortal animals. Not by, not by destroying men, but by watching men destroy each other. Now, they feed us our darkest fear and turn peaceful communities into vigilantes.

Buffy

Hansel and Gretel run home to tell everyone about the mean old witch.

Giles

And then she and probably dozens of others are persecuted by a righteous mob. It's happened all throughout history. It happened in Salem, not surprisingly.

Xander

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm still spinning on this whole fairy tales are real thing.

Oz

So what do we do?

Xander

I don't know about you, but I'm gonna go trade my cow in for some beans ... [silence] No one else is seeing the funny here.

Buffy

Hey. Is Willow around?

Xander

How can I convince you people that it's over? You assume because I am here, she is here. That I somehow mysteriously know where she is.

Buffy

[points] Those her books?

Xander

Yeah, she's in the bathroom. [Buffy nods] But the fact that I know that doesn't change that I have a genuine complaint here. Look, I'm getting sick of the judgement. The innuendos. Is a man not innocent until proven guilty?

Buffy

You are guilty. You got illicit smoochies. Gonna have to pay the price.

Xander

But I'm talking about the future guilt. Look, everyone expects me to mess up again. Like Oz. I see how he is around me. You know, that steely gaze, that pointed silence.

Buffy

'Cause he's usually such a chatterbox.

Xander

No but it's different now. It's more a verbal non-verbal. He speaks volumes with his eyes.

Buffy

Your mom doesn't mind us doing this in the house?

Willow

She doesn't know.

Buffy

Business as usual?

Willow

Yeah, sort of. She's doing that selective memory thing your mom used to be so good at.

Buffy

She forgot everything?

Willow

No. She remembered the part where I said I was dating a musician. Oz has to come for dinner next week. So, that's sort of like taking an interest.

Buffy

Okay, should we try this again?

Willow

Let's do it. I think we got the mix of herbs right this time.

Buffy

Okay. Ready?

Willow

Diana, Hecate, I hereby license thee to depart. Goddess of creatures great and small, I conjure thee to withdraw.

Buffy

Maybe we should get her one of those wheel thingies.

Buffy

Wow! That was really funny looking! Could you do it again?

I'll kill you for that.

Buffy

For that? What were you going to kill me for before?

Xander

You know, maybe we're on the wrong track with the whole spell, curse and whammy thing. Maybe what we should be looking for is something like... Slayer kryptonite.

Oz

Faulty metaphor. Kryptonite kills.

Xander

You're assuming I was talking about the green kryptonite. I was referring, of course, to the red kryptonite, which drains Superman of all his powers.

Oz

Wrong. The gold kryptonite's the power-sucker. The red kryptonite mutates Superman into some sort of weird --

Buffy

Guys, reality!

Buffy

It's sweet and thoughtful, and full of neat words to learn and say like "wilt" and "henceforth."

Angel

Then why'd you seem more excited last year when you got a severed arm in a box?

Buffy

I'm sorry ... it's just, suddenly there's a chance that my calling's a wrong number ... it's just freaking me out a little.

Buffy

Before I was the Slayer I was ... Well, I- I don't wanna say shallow, but let's say a certain person, who will remain nameless, we'll just call her "Spordelia," looked like a classical philosopher next to me. Angel, if I'm not the slayer, what do I do? What do I have to offer? Why would you like me?

Angel

I saw you before you became the slayer.

Buffy

What?

Angel

I watched you, I saw you called, it was a bright afternoon out in front of your school. You walked down the steps and ... I loved you.

Buffy

Why?

Angel

Because I could see your heart. You held it before you for everyone to see, and I was worried that it would get bruised or torn. And more than anything in my life, I wanted to keep it safe. To warm it with my own.

Buffy

That's beautiful ... Or, taken literally, incredibly gross.

Angel

I was just thinking that too.

Congratulations, you passed. You exhibited extraordinary courage and clearheadedness in battle. The Council is very pleased.

Buffy

Do I get a gold star?

I understand that you're upset...

Buffy

You understand nothing. You set that monster loose and he came after my mother.

You think the test was unfair?

Buffy

I think you better leave town before I get my strength back.

We're not in the business of fair, Miss Summers. We're fighting a war.

Giles

You're waging a war. She's fighting it. There is a difference.

Mr. Giles, if you don't mind...

Giles

The test is done. We're finished.

Not quite. She passed. You didn't. The Slayer is not the only one who must perform in this situation. I've recommended to the Council, and they've agreed, that you be relieved of your duties as Watcher immediately. You're fired.

Giles

On what grounds?

Your affection for your charge has rendered you incapable of clear and impartial judgment. You have a father's love for the child, and that is useless to the cause. It would be best if you had no further contact with the Slayer.

Giles

I'm not going anywhere.

No, well, I didn't expect you would adhere to that. However, if you interfere with the new Watcher or countermand his authority in anyway, you will be dealt with. Are we clear?

Giles

Oh, we're very clear.

Congratulations again.

Buffy

Bite me.

Yes. Well, colorful girl.

Buffy

Xander, one of these days, you're gonna get yourself hurt.

Faith

Or killed.

Buffy

Or both. And you know, with the pain and then the death, maybe you shouldn't be leaping into the fray like that. Maybe you should be fray-adjacent.

Xander

Excuse me? Who, at a crucial moment, distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?

Faith

Yeah. That was real manly, how you shrieked and all.

Xander

I think you'll find that was more of a bellow.

Buffy

Do you remember the demon that almost got out the night I died?

Willow

Every nightmare I have that doesn't revolve around academic failure or public nudity is about that thing. In fact, once ... I dreamt that it attacked me while I was late for a test and naked.

Buffy

New Watcher?

Giles

New Watcher.

Wesley

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, it's very nice to meet you.

Buffy

Is he evil?

Wesley

Evil?

Buffy

The last one was evil.

Wesley

Oh yes, Gwendolyn Post, we all heard. No, Mr. Giles has checked my credentials ... rather thoroughly, phoned the Council. But I'm glad to see you're on the ball as well. A good Slayer is a cautious Slayer.

Buffy

Is he evil?

Giles

Not in the strictest sense.

Wesley

Ah, this is perhaps Faith.

Faith

New Watcher?

New Watcher.

Faith

Screw that. [she turns and leaves]

Buffy

Now why didn't I just say that?

Wesley

Buffy, you will go to the Gleaves family crypt tonight and fetch the amulet.

Buffy

I will?

Wesley

Are you not used to being given orders?

Buffy

Whenever Giles sends me on a mission, he always says 'please'. And afterwards I get a cookie!