“Helpless” quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Buffy

Wow! That was really funny looking! Could you do it again?

I'll kill you for that.

Buffy

For that? What were you going to kill me for before?

Xander

You know, maybe we're on the wrong track with the whole spell, curse and whammy thing. Maybe what we should be looking for is something like... Slayer kryptonite.

Oz

Faulty metaphor. Kryptonite kills.

Xander

You're assuming I was talking about the green kryptonite. I was referring, of course, to the red kryptonite, which drains Superman of all his powers.

Oz

Wrong. The gold kryptonite's the power-sucker. The red kryptonite mutates Superman into some sort of weird --

Buffy

Guys, reality!

Buffy

It's sweet and thoughtful, and full of neat words to learn and say like "wilt" and "henceforth."

Angel

Then why'd you seem more excited last year when you got a severed arm in a box?

Buffy

I'm sorry ... it's just, suddenly there's a chance that my calling's a wrong number ... it's just freaking me out a little.

Buffy

Before I was the Slayer I was ... Well, I- I don't wanna say shallow, but let's say a certain person, who will remain nameless, we'll just call her "Spordelia," looked like a classical philosopher next to me. Angel, if I'm not the slayer, what do I do? What do I have to offer? Why would you like me?

Angel

I saw you before you became the slayer.

Buffy

What?

Angel

I watched you, I saw you called, it was a bright afternoon out in front of your school. You walked down the steps and ... I loved you.

Buffy

Why?

Angel

Because I could see your heart. You held it before you for everyone to see, and I was worried that it would get bruised or torn. And more than anything in my life, I wanted to keep it safe. To warm it with my own.

Buffy

That's beautiful ... Or, taken literally, incredibly gross.

Angel

I was just thinking that too.

[to Buffy's mother] Mother. May I call you "mother"? My own mother was a person with no self-respect of her own, so she tried to take mine. Ten years old, she had the scissors. You wouldn't believe what she took with those. But she's dead to me now. Mostly because I killed and ate her, but also because I know I won't be alone much longer. I'll have your daughter. I won't kill her -- I'll just make her like me. Different. She'll go to sleep, and when she wakes up, your face will be the first thing she eats. [considers] I have a problem with mothers. I'm aware of that.

Congratulations, you passed. You exhibited extraordinary courage and clearheadedness in battle. The Council is very pleased.

Buffy

Do I get a gold star?

I understand that you're upset...

Buffy

You understand nothing. You set that monster loose and he came after my mother.

You think the test was unfair?

Buffy

I think you better leave town before I get my strength back.

We're not in the business of fair, Miss Summers. We're fighting a war.

Giles

You're waging a war. She's fighting it. There is a difference.

Mr. Giles, if you don't mind...

Giles

The test is done. We're finished.

Not quite. She passed. You didn't. The Slayer is not the only one who must perform in this situation. I've recommended to the Council, and they've agreed, that you be relieved of your duties as Watcher immediately. You're fired.

Giles

On what grounds?

Your affection for your charge has rendered you incapable of clear and impartial judgment. You have a father's love for the child, and that is useless to the cause. It would be best if you had no further contact with the Slayer.

Giles

I'm not going anywhere.

No, well, I didn't expect you would adhere to that. However, if you interfere with the new Watcher or countermand his authority in anyway, you will be dealt with. Are we clear?

Giles

Oh, we're very clear.

Congratulations again.

Buffy

Bite me.

Yes. Well, colorful girl.