Lincoln quotes from Boston Legal

You sure it was the husband?

Lincoln

I am. He drives some sort of little white convertible in an attempt, I suppose, to seem interesting, which he's not. Not at all. He's a nasty little man. He made her get that restraining order against me. He made her do it.

Well, you are a Peeping Tom.

Lincoln

She liked that. She liked that I looked. I was a benign peepy.

Denny

[to Claire] You said I'd like him. He's an attention-starved wacko fairy. He couldn't kill anyone.

Lincoln

I heard that! I'm getting tired of you, Large Marge. You remind me of Mr. Dirty Mouth. That's what you do.

What's the infield fly rule?

Lincoln

I haven't the slightest. Does it involve a zipper?

Denny

[to Claire] I bet he's more familiar with a zipper than he is with baseball.

Claire

[deadpan] Really?

[on TV] It takes more than a stiff whack on the head to keep me down, folks. Trust me, I get hit harder during sex. I'm only sorry this creepo didn't have at me with a shovel during sweeps.

Lincoln

[turns the TV off] I knew I should've plunked her a second time! I just knew it!

Shirley

Are you telling me you're the one who assaulted her?

Lincoln

I say that in confidence, of course.

Lincoln

From the first moment I saw you, do you know what I wanted to do?

Shirley

Pave my driveway?

Lincoln

I wanted to suck on your right earlobe. I'm sure people tell you you have soft, supple lobes.

Shirley

It gets old.

Lincoln

Is mocking me really an exercise of your most sound judgment, Shirley? After all, I do have in my possession a loaded firearm.

Shirley

Let alone a ukulele.