Denny Crane quotes from Boston Legal

Mr. Shore, This, this woman is trying to manipulate this process. I will not be manipulated.

Denny

(Whispered To Alan) Mad Cow!

Silence! (To Alan) She likely fired her last attorney because she told him she did it, and he couldn't have put her on the stand to lie, so she was forced to retain new counsel, thereby keeping them in the dark. And now we have you, (to Denny) and you.

Denny

Well, if this woman wishes to manipulate me in the dark, then...

Alan

Denny...

Denny

(Whispered To Alan) The eye!

Alan

I can see you're aroused. You might consider the last man to make love to her died while doing so.

Denny

I'll take my chances.

Denny

Certainly you'd want me by your side at this trial.

I'm sure you're very sweet, but old men tend to die on me.

Denny

I'm Denny Crane. No bigger ass--asset! You want me at your table.

Denny

My God, you're even more striking in person.

Who is this man? And why is his face about to explode?

Alan

Kelly Nolan, this is Denny Crane. Success has caused his head to swell.

Denny

Not everything is about money, Shirley. Sometimes sex counts, too. It used to count with you. One minute you couldn't get enough of me, the next you lose interest. What happened, Shirley? I need to know.

Shirley

They invented color television.

Denny

You and me. In my office. Gimme 2 minutes.

Shirley

If you could last 3 I might consider it.

Denny

Is the show over already? You look beaten.

Alan

I just caught Tara laughing with another man.

Denny

Are you sure they weren't just...kissing or something?

Denny

You're one of those environmental lawyers?

Is there something wrong with that?

Denny

They're evildoers. Yesterday it's a tree, today it's a salmon, tomorrow it's, "Let's not dig up Alaska for oil because it's too pretty." Let me tell you something - I came out here to enjoy nature. Don't talk to me about the environment.

Alan

All reality, none of it scripted.

Denny

Can I fish yet?

You still have a timeout. You just sit there.

Alan

God likes to fish?

Denny

We need to go to the woods and touch ourselves...get in touch with ourselves.

I find it insulting to be lectured by an American about the environment.

Denny

Watch it, judge, we're a superpower. Don't make us add you to the Axis.

Excuse me. Are you Denny Crane?

Denny

Yes I am, and I am not your father.

Alan

Mindful that abroad, people expect shock and awe when Yankees arrive on the scene, we shall leave you with two small but lasting words...

Denny

Denny Crane, eh.

Alan

They call them cling-ons.

Denny

Did you says Klingons?

Denny

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED?!

Alan

I don't know!

Denny

What do you mean you don't know?!

Alan

I...got scared! I thought I heard a bear outside!

May I ask, Denny, how do you feel about gun control?

Denny

For Communists.

What about banning assault weapons in the private sector?

Denny

As soon as you say it's OK to ban assault weapons, my friend, even in the private sector, you make it easier to take guns away from hunting, then personal protection. Soon the military and the police are without firearms.