Lance Sweets quotes from Bones

Booth

[aside to Sweets] Just tell me if any of these kids is a killer.

Sweets

Well, it's pretty tough to tell your average nine-year-old from your average psychopath.

Booth

Don't say that, all right? I have a kid nearly that age.

Sweets

Children are still forming their sense of ethics at this age. Like I said, they're basically sociopaths.

Booth

No. No. Uh, let's -- you think, we can go twenty minutes on this case without talking about testicles?

Sweets

Please.

Brennan

Okay.

Booth

Great.

Brennan

Booth has made a social contract with a marine biologist.

Sweets

Sorry?

Booth

[laughing] It's amazing that you go from injured testicles to the woman I'm dating. [turning to Sweets] And you, you're supposed to say, "Oh, that's interesting," in a very annoyed way.

Brennan

It's a logical transition.

Sweets

But it is very interesting.

Brennan

Booth and I are friends. Catherine is an intelligent, attractive woman, and I'm intrigued by their developing relationship.

Booth

That's nice. I think.

Sweets

Yeah. I think it is nice.

Booth

Thank you, Bones.

Sweets

Wow. You two seem to be handling dating very well. I'm impressed.

Brennan

Well, you've known me for two years, Sweets. You should expect to be impressed by me.

Sweets

So, I've been thinking about dead cats.

That ... doesn't seem like a good use of your time.

Caroline

If it's gonna be your last case together, then do it properly.

It's not our last case.

Booth

We'll be back in a year.

Caroline

Tight as a drum, that's what I want. And trust me, the way you two are running from each other, you'd better be damn sure of these little trips you're taking.

Sweets

Daisy's going to, uh, Indonesia. She doesn't really care if I go with her.

Hodgins

Ooh. Ouch!

Booth

Sweets, no offense but, you might be better off without her.

Sweets

Dr. Brennan was asked to head up the expedition, will you be better off without her?

Sweets

You don't think the success might make them change their minds?

Caroline

You know what? You're a nice kid, but today is a good day for you to grow the hell up.

Sweets

So what, I should just go? I should just, give up my career and my life and my friends and my practice, and go to Indonesia?

Hodgins

Hey, I'm about to risk dismemberment just to impress my scary father-in-law.

Sweets

How are you gonna get past the dogs?

Hodgins

I don't know.

Sweets

How are you gonna start the car?

Hodgins

I don't know.

Sweets

How are you gonna get the car through the gate?

Hodgins

I don't know.

Sweets

How are you gonna evade the angry bikers?

Hodgins

Ugh, I haven't got a clue.

Sweets

Okay. Good plan, what do I do?

Hodgins

Survive and tell the story of my love.

Angela

Okay, what I did was modify my mass recognition program -- patent pending -- to scan the photographic reconstruction of the crime scene, to find areas of comparatively less chaos.

Hodgins

Awesome.

(surprised) You understand what she's saying?

Hodgins

Not in the least, but I am so turned on by her brain. I'd like to see her brain totally naked.

Sweets

It's a terrible image. It's just terrible.

Sweets

Talk to me.

Caroline

That is no way for an adult holding a PhD in psychology to answer the telephone.

Sweets

(playing a piano) Ms. Julian? I'm on sabbatical.

Caroline

Doing what, installing elevators? Because I can hear the music.

Sweets

Hey, uh, Booth, can I ask you a personal question?

Booth

Oh, that depends. About you or me?

Sweets

Me.

Booth

Shoot.

Sweets

Okay. Daisy just wants to pick up where we left off. And I don't know whether to--

Booth

Move on?

Sweets

Yeah, like you did.

Booth

You know what? You asked my opinion, right? I'm gonna give it to you. You listening? Give yourself a chance to be happy, move on.

Sweets

And that worked for you?

Booth

Now let's get on your little shrinky mojo so you can pick up any leftover crazies that the other doctor might've missed.

Sweets

[mocking, looks at Booth] My shrinky mojo. That's how it works. [stares at Booth in annoyance]

Booth

Stop staring at me like that.

Sweets

Anacostia? That's a really tough part of town.

Booth

Not compared to downtown Kabul, it's not.

Brennan

Or the surface of Venus which is covered by clouds of sulfuric acid and hundreds of active mega volcanoes.

Brennan

[incredulously] What? We were talking about tough neighborhoods.

Booth

Scuse' Me, we're looking for Hunter Lang.

Err..he's one of our bartenders. Nadi, they're looking for Lang.

Oh! [looks at Booth] Jealous husband?

Booth

[shows his badge] FBI

Oh! Well, ca-can this wait? We'll be back by 10.

Booth

How about we come with you?

[looks at Sweets] Only if he comes to. [points at Sweets, Booth and Brennan looks at Sweets]

Booth

That was the plan.

Done!

Sweets

I'm sorry, what just happened there?

Brennan

If this was the Malukus, I would say it was some sort of virgin offering.

Sweets

Virgin?

Brennan

Quasi virgin offering.

Daisy

[barges into Sweets' office] You have to back me up with Dr. Brennan. She hasn't said anything but I know what she's thinking. It's an emergency.

Sweets

Wh––what am I supposed to say??

Daisy

You have to explain what happened this morning.

Sweets

Sex is a normal part of the adult experience. You don't need to apologize for it.

Daisy

Did you know what happened when I was little? My dad and I saw these two deer "going at it" on the side of the hill and I asked him what they were doing. And he said, the nice deer in the back was pushing his friend up the hill.

Sweets

[bemused] Seriously?

Daisy

And now, we're those deer, only that no one is explaining that you were pushing me up hill.

Booth

The point is, like, they have to meet sometime, right?

Sweets

Well, yeah, if your relationship with Hannah is serious, then …

Booth

It is serious.

Sweets

I wasn't questioning that …

Booth

It sounded like you were.

Sweets

No, I wasn't.

Booth

Well, it's serious.

Sweets

Then they have to meet.

Daisy

You know why your name is Sweets?

Sweets

[smiles] Why?

Daisy

[romantically] Because you're so sweet.