Angela Montenegro quotes from Bones

Angela

For once can you just pretend that you're the girl?

Brennan

Why is everyone so anxious for me to be a girl?

Well, two hands are better than one, Booth.

Booth

Well, last time I checked, I had two hands. See?

Angela

Testosterone spill on aisle four.

Angela

Can't we just wait till nature takes its course?

Hodgins

Do you have any idea how tight a rat's rectum is?

Angela

Please tell me you don't.

Zack

Positive ID on both sets of remains. William Chang and Li-Ling Fan.

Angela

[looking at both skeletons and their pictures] Wow, they kind of go together.

Because they're deceased?

Angela

Yeah. But more than that, they are exactly the same level of hotness.

Which is zero, because they're skeletons.

Ahem. Do I have to throw cold water on you two?

Angela

We were, uh, just...

I know, just try to keep it off the internet. So, I have bad news. We've all been exposed to Coccidioidomycosis, a fungal infection from the graveyard dirt we've been breathing. Symptoms include nausea, weakness, fever...

Hodgins

I feel fine.

Angela

Yeah, me too.

...decreased labido...

Hodgins

I'm listening.

We're all gonna get shots.

Angela

Yeah, that sounds good.

Hodgins

Very good, yeah.

Thought so.

Wyatt

I stand by my diagnosis.

Angela

You stand by the FBI. Your first priority is to get agents back in the field solving murders.

Wyatt

Your romanticism is endearing. But as the Bard says, "Lovers and madmen have such seething brains, such shaping fantasies that apprehend more than cool reason could comprehend."

Angela

He also says "Journeys end in lovers meeting, every wise man's son doth know."

Angela

What can't you tell me?

Brennan

By definition, I can't tell you.

Angela

Hey, do you aliens use any weapons resembling a...

Zack

A broadsword?

Hodgins

How about a lightsaber?

Zack

No. Those can cut through any known substance. The victim would've been completely dismembered.

Hodgins

(preparing to propose) I am madly in love with you, Angela. You- you are the most amazing woman that I have ever met. My life is so much better since we-

Angela

Oh my god.

Hodgins

What?

Angela

Are you breaking up with me?

Angela

Hey Brennan, I'd like to ask you a favor. Well, it's not so much ask a favor as, as, as extend an honor. I mean, I hope you see it as an honor and you don't think of it as some onerous duty, which I don't think you will, but then again I've never done this before, and of course--

Brennan

Angela, just ask.

Angela

Will you be my maid of honor? [Brennan looks close to tears] At the wedding? [Brennan hugs her] Is that yes?

Brennan

I'm completely, totally honored.

Angela

Really? I thought I'd have to tell you what a maid of honor--

Brennan

I don't even care how awful the bridesmaids' dresses are. I'm so glad you asked me.

So your husband signed his name to the marriage license with an X?

Angela

Yeah.

So you married a guy without knowing his name.

Angela

It was Fiji, okay? I was on vacation.

Brennan

Perhaps you could use these: there's a portion of tongue, hair, and brain matter.

Angela

Okay, if anybody needs me, I'm going to go throw up, then do some paperwork.

Angela

I know about this hypnotism thing. I was a magician's assistant at a little gypsy carnival in Brazil.

Now that's an opening line.

Angela

Ugh. Mysterio was really cute, and I was younger then, and... the whole being sawed in half thing was actually kinda hot.

Angela

And get him to sign the divorce papers.

By "get him," do you mean force him to sign them?

Hodgins

If necessary. Do you have a gun?

Angela

Or just remind him of who I am and ask him politely.

Hodgins

What are you, Canadian?

Brennan

Megan Shaw is still alive.

Hodgins

What do you want me to do?

Zack

He wants us to guess.

Hodgins

Well, my guess is Hawaii.

Not Hawaii.

Booth

W-Well, guess again, but better.

Hodgins

Nop, sorry.

Angela

Booth, THEY don't guess.

Booth

Who's they?

[pointing at Brennan, Zack and Hodgins] THEM!

Booth

Well, that's just stupid

Zack

We do not guess.

Booth

You know what? You're a horse's ass!

Zack

[referring to his Halloween's costume] Cow! I'm a cow! See my udder?