Seeley Booth quotes from Bones

Sweets

Sparling doesn't seem to trust how I as a psychologist perform my job.

Booth

She thinks you're an idiot?

Sweets

I wouldn't say that but in layman's terms...yes.

Booth

Look, you're the psychologist. Point your little shrinky brain at her and pull the trigger.

Caroline

You said there was a casualty. Who was it?

Booth

Sweets. He'll be fine.

Caroline

Sweets. That boy's got the goods. But you better not tell him I said that.

Booth

[smiles] No problem. As far as the world is concerned, you're a horrible person.

Brennan

I'm sorry you're not getting the promotion.

Booth

Thank you.

Brennan

You're welcome.

Booth

You know, for lying to me, thank you. I mean, I know it's a white lie, but I mean look at you, being all sweet and lying to me.

Brennan

I didn't want you to get the promotion?

Booth

Why? Because I'm a man of action and not someone who's going to rot behind a desk?

Brennan

No, because who else will take me out into the field?

Booth

That's a good point, Bones.

Brennan

But truthfully, I am sorry that you're disappointed.

Booth

I'm not disappointed.

Brennan

[smiles] Because you're a man of action who would rot behind a desk?

Booth

That's right! A man of action!

Brennan

Can I start buying you things now?

Booth

No, you can't, but I'll tell you what: you can buy Christine stuff.

Brennan

I know you'd like a new grill.

Booth

Christine would love a new grill. She would love it.

Brennan

Baby girls need new grills.

Booth

Baby girls, and a new tool set! [motions to the food] And what is this?

Brennan

It's quinoa.

Booth

Quinoa?

Brennan

Quinoa.

Booth

And what is that?

Brennan

It's a grain. It's a lot of protein --

Booth

When I get the new grill we can grill steaks!

Brennan

When I am President, killing tigers will be a death penalty offense.

Booth

Whoa. The President isn't actually a dictator, Bones.

[about Sweets] He's going through an "early life crisis". Good luck.

Booth

Good luck??? I don't need luck. This is not about luck. [Cam looks at him] This is about a friend extending to another friend. Like an olive branch. [frustrated] Stop. Can we just stop and deal with this here, the remains...

Booth

[shows Sweets into Parker's room] Parker won't be visiting us for a couple of months so...sorry about all the junk and toys.

Sweets

Oh, no...beats the hell out of my office. Look at all this stuff. Kids from broken homes really rake in the material goods by way of compensation. [Booth stares at Sweets]

Booth

Right. [takes a photo from a case file and hands it to Sweets] Take a look at this. Take a closer look, all right?

Sweets

[takes photo from Booth] What? [looks at photo and grimaces in disgust] Oh my god!! This corpse is so mutilated!!

Booth

A man doesn't fold another man's underwear!

Sweets

Are those Captain America boxers?

Booth

Bones!

Brennan

Yes?

Booth

Is Sweets in our bathroom?

Brennan

Yes. Should I have put a note on the door?

Booth

Well, a little warning would've been nice. What's he doing in our bathtub?

Brennan

Jets.

Booth

Our jets. In our bathtub.

Brennan

Societies in Japan and Turkey encourage public bathing. [Booth looks at her, unamused] In modern day Finland...

Booth

Finland?!! Woah, woah, this is not Finland!

Sweets

[comes out with only a towel wrapped around his waist while Booth turns and glares at him] Sorry, Booth, I should've locked the door, huh?

Brennan

[innocently] Because you've played on so many sports teams and spent a lot of time in the Army I assumed you were comfortable with male nudity.

Sweets

You know, fear of nudity is called gymnophobia.

Booth

Oh, listen, psychology and anthropology, I liked it better when you two were fighting, all right? [glances at Sweets] Are we done with our bathtub?

Sweets

Yeah

Booth

Yeah. [turns to Brennan] I like to soak in our tub. After work. [turns to go up the stairs]

Brennan

If you'd seen Booth's x-rays you'd understand. The list of bones that he hasn't broken is shorter than the ones that he has. [Booth puts his arms up in frustration, glares at Brennan]

Sweets

Artisans go into business because they're passionate about the products they create.

Booth

That is so un-American.

Booth

All I did was get her to watch a basketball game instead of another rerun of Nova.

Sweets

That's it?

Booth

Yeah. Next thing I know, she's reading all about Phil Jackson.

Sweets

Well, you really didn't do much then, did you?

Booth

[mocking] Oh really. I didn't do much. I did get her to stop watching Nova.

Sweets

You're right. Good point. Sorry.

Booth

And because of that, her squint squad has identified eighteen sets of remains. [shows Sweets a stack of files]

Sweets

That's impressive.

Booth

[smiles] Good. I'm so glad you feel that way because it is your responsibility to notify all the surviving relatives. [dumps the files into Sweets' arms]

Sweets

What??? Me?

Booth

Criminal victims, missing persons, all comes under the FBI.

Sweets

What about you??

Booth

Me? [scoffs] I'm a special agent. I beat up bad guys and I leap over things.

Sweets

[unamused] You're describing Superman.

Booth

Exactly. You ever hear of Superman picking up a telephone? [smirks and goes into his office while Sweets walks away, grumbling to himself]

Brennan

I dug out remains from the rubble of the towers. [pauses] For two weeks I was methodical, scientist. I did what was asked of me. I did my job. I never shed a tear. I was proud of that. [tears up] All these years I've never let myself feel... [starts crying]

Booth

[sympathetically] Bones, we all deal with things in our own way, ok?

Brennan

I could avoid it all before I met you. I had no one in my life. And now I think of those people and I think of you. Any one of them, it could've been you. [Booth embraces her as she sobs into his chest]

Brennan

It's a container of some sort...[examines pod]...filled with gelatinzed human remains.

Hodgins

[looks on with fascination] At first I thought pod people.

Booth

Of course you did.

Hodgins

Hey, there's still a lot of questions remaining about the events at Area 51, you know. Do you know that UFO spottings--

Booth

[annoyed] Let's just keep it close to earth here, bug boy. Just simplify the investigation.

Brennan

[to Booth] Reminds me of a ship in a bottle. My dad gave me one when I was little.

Booth

Right. So this, uh, kinda brings up all these "warm and cuddly" memories for you. That's nice.

Brennan

Sweets has trust issues involving finding a home. Since he grew up an orphan, the anger he's sublimated has paralyzed him from developing a healthy perspective on what having a home means. That made him bond with us and our home so he didn't have to deal with his own emotional insecurities.

Booth

Bones shoots from the outside! Three points!

Sweets

Where's that psychobabble coming from?

Booth

Well, you left one of your psychobabble books in our bathroom.

Booth

[to suspect, who is gloating over the fact that there's no evidence to convict him of murder] She's gonna find something. She always does.

Booth

You made one big mistake.

Yeah, what was that?

Booth

You pissed off my partner here.

Booth

[standing over Seth] Hey there, Michelangelo, can you hear me?

Brennan

[to Booth] You shouldn't call him that, Booth. If he had a head injury he might think that's who he is.

Something's poking in my back and something smells terrible!

Do you know your name?

Yes!

Booth

Ok, what is it.

I'm not saying.

Brennan

[to Booth] Told you. You confused him.

Booth

No I didn't––

I'm not confused! I'm just not tellin' you my name.

Booth

See, he's not confused.

Vitals are stable. No sign of concussion....

Who are you??

Booth

Who are we? [shows his badge] FBI, that's who we are.

Since when did FBI cover billboard vandalism??