Seeley Booth quotes from Bones

Hodgins

Look, all I'm saying is that John Wilkes Booth was secretly a member of Knights of the Golden Circle affiliated with Rome. [shrugs and smiles at Cam]

Ok...a little friendly advice. Do not mention Booth to Booth. They are related and he'll shoot you. [Hodgins turns and sees Booth and Brennan walking in]

Booth

What've we got here?

Hodgins

[awkwardly] Hi!

Booth

Hi.

I have an important job preserving our national heritage.

Booth

[deadpan] You kill cockroaches.

Obviously you don't understand museum hygiene. Mama roaches, they have like forty babies a pop. They eat the paint, the wallpaper and drop their roach feces all over the historical artifacts.

Sweets

No kidding.

I'm our nation's front line of defense.

Booth

Against roach poop.

It's very stressful, which is why I need my smokes.

Booth

[looking at welcome home sign] What is that? Welcome stapes?

Brennan

[laughs] It's the smallest bone in the human body.

Angela

We didn't know her name, so --

Brennan

Thanks. She's so lucky to have all of you.

Angela

So, what is her name?

Booth

Well, we named her after Bones' mom.

Brennan

Christine. Our daughter's name is Christine. Christine Angela.

Angela

Oh my God.

Brennan

(taking a hospital tour) I want a home birth where I can control things.

Booth

Lot safer in the hospital, Bones.

Brennan

No, on the contrary hospitals are breeding grounds for antibiotic-resistant super germs leading to a high incidence of E coli and staphylococcus infection.

I'm sorry, is that true?

Booth

No, no, no.

Brennan

(taking out UV light and shining it on the hallway) Based on the spatter pattern and viscosity, I see indications of blood, blood, cerebral spinal fluid, amniotic fluid, blood, more blood...

Is there a problem back there?

(taking magazine away from his wife) Don't touch anything.

Booth

Sweets, just get on with this so we don't have to look at that thing.

Sweets

[surprised] What do you have against a cappuccino machine?

Booth

This is a diner. I come here because there is no cappuccino machine. [Sweets looks at him in bewilderment] [continues ranting] And some things, they need to be sacred, right? Preserved. All right? In this country, there is a line between coffee and foamy crap. And when that line gets blurred..people, they just become animals.

Sweets

You ok?

Booth

[raises voice] No! No, I'm not ok! I'm not dunkin' my donut into some cappuccino. [other customers start looking at Booth] That's not why I joined the Army. [Sweets is looking very embarrassed and puts his hand on Booth's shoulder attempting to calm him down] I didn't join the Army for that.

Sweets

[sheepishly grins at the waitress] I'll take two regular coffees, please. Thanks. Two black.

Brennan

Did you wash the nipples?

Booth

Yes, I did in the shower, but I don't think day care is gonna check.

Brennan

You shouldn't hit people. You should use your words! That's what all the books say.

Are you serious?

Booth

Well, you know, she's a new mom.

Booth

[cradling Christine, excitedly] She winked at me!

Brennan

She probably has something in her eye. Do you have the shopping list?

Booth

Yeah I have the shopping list right here. Why do you have to be like that, huh? She could've winked at me.

Brennan

She's six weeks old, Booth. She's developmentally incapable of making the decision to wink at you.

Booth

Well, she could be just like you, you know, brilliant and crazy about me. [grins at Brennan]

Booth

Hey, that's a good one. [turns to Christine] See that? Mommy winked too!

[embarrassed] The panties are mine, ok?

Booth

[shocked] Oh!! [Brennan smirks]

They don't chafe like man pants.

Booth

[awkwardly] Well, yeah.

[pleads] Don't tell my wife. I only wear them on the road.

I didn't kill anyone. I just like to feel pretty. [Booth and Brennan stare at him in bemusement]

Brennan

I don't know what to wear.

Booth

What do you mean? We're going to a garbage dump, there's no dress code.

Brennan

Well everything I put on, all the clothes I had before the baby, I just feel like I'm not...you know what I mean?

Booth

No, I don't. Listen, we've got to get Christine to the daycare.

Brennan

I feel like I'm in someone else's body.

Booth

Oh, no, you are not in somebody else's body. Trust me, I know your body. I guarantee that one. (they kiss)

Brennan

Okay, now you are humoring me so that you can get to the crime scene.

Booth

Yes, I am. So why don't you wear the green thingy?

Brennan

What, this? It makes me look like a golf course.

Booth

Bones, what's the matter? You're never like this.

Brennan

Oh, you don't think I should care about how I look?

Booth

Right. I get it, you're an airplane propeller and I'm about to walk into you so I am going to take a step back.

Brennan

I don't know what that means.

Booth

You're just feeling a little vulnerable because you just had a baby.

Brennan

Are you saying that I resent our daughter? I love Christine.

Booth

No, no, not at all. I just- look, what do you say we talk about this later? We really should get to work.

Brennan

Okay, fine. Should I wear this or this?

Booth

Uh, you know what, they're both gorgeous.

Brennan

Ugh, you're no help at all. Absolutely no help at all! (leaves)

Booth

Did I say something wrong?

Sweets

What part of "stop the car" don't you understand?

Booth

Just put your seatbelt back on! CLOSE THE DOOR!

I'm so glad your back buddy! And so is Christine.

Parker

She's so little.

Yeah, Oh, I think she's smiling at ya.

Parker

Ya think?

Yeah.

So, what do you think of ya room, it's just like your old one.

Parker

It's awesome.

Parker

I think you should take her.

Right, okay. Easy.

Parker

I don't want her to hate me.

She's not gonna hate you. You're her big brother. Come on, huh?

It's alright.

So, what do you think of that i got the old RC truck out. I found it.

Parker

Do you think it still works?

Of course it does. Me and Christine we put some batteries in it this morning, and we took it for a few laps.

Look. Bones had to go to the lab, so maybe later, you, me and Christine, we can make some spaghetti meatballs, huh?

Parker

Christine can't really do the things you say, Dad.

I know. But we're all just really happy that your back.

Parker

You like her?

I love her, just like i love you, okay?

Parker

Can i just lie down? I'm tired.

Sure. Yeah. Uh, probably just jet lag, right? Before you know it you'll be back in American time, alright?

Hey, buddy. i'm really glad your back.

Parker

See ya.

Hey, buddy? You here, just had a quick break wanted to see if you wanted to grab a bite...

-or something... Parker? Parker? Great..

Parker

Dad..?

Yeah. There you are. Where were you.

Parker

What are you doing home?

I came home to see you, of course. Obviously. And i was gonna pick up my gym bag.

Parker

I haven't seen it.

Right. Of course you haven't seen my gym bag. Why would you of seen my bag..? Where were you just now?

Parker

Uh.. No where, just out exploring the woods out back.

Out back, exploring the woods? Right, then why didn't you tell the babysitter where you were?

Parker

Because i'm not a baby, Christine's the baby.

Booth... Great so is there gonna be something else or is this all about worms..? All right, so he was beaten up.

The karate teacher, I'll tell you what, i'll come by and pick you up and we can see if his hands match his wounds and stuff. Alright, see you in 15.

Hey.. Buddy, i have to get back to work, okay? Stay tight and i'll see you later on. And if you go anywhere you tell the babysitter... right, sitter. You tell the sitter where you'll be.

Parker

Yeah.

Kay'.

Parker

I haven't done anything wrong! I swear.

You've been destroying things, you've been lying to us.

Brennan

You've stolen pictures.

Parker

I haven't stolen anything!

It's best to stop right now, bud. You don't wanna make it any worse.

Parker

You don't understand.

Brennan

I do. There's an anthropological necessity for you to seek superior status within the family structure.

Parker

I don't understand.

Well.. she just means that we understand that it's hard for you to accept Christine.

Parker

No! No! I like her. She's my sister, I love her! You guys are ruining everything.

Brennan

Us? What did we do?

Parker

It was supposed to be a surprise, you would see it when you put Christine to bed! I may as well show you now.

Parker

I wanted to make her something, that's all.

Parker

See? It's Christine's family.

Parker

Here's a picture of Temperance.

Parker

Dad, there's your FBI patch.

That's the patch you took from my Gym bag.

Parker

Yeah, but it was an extra. I made sure.

Parker

See, and here's a picture of all of us.

Brennan

It's beautiful, Parker.

Brennan

Let's see how Christine likes it.

Parker

Turn it on, Dad.

Alright.

Parker

I used the motor from our truck.

Right, from the RC truck.

Parker

M-hmm!

Wow! Look at that.

Parker

I got the music from the chip in a greeting cart.

Parker

And i got that picture of my face in the middle. That way, Christine will know me the next time i come to visit.

I'm sorry, Buddy.

Parker

It's okay.

Parker

She likes it.

Brennan

She loves it.

Caroline

[pushing in a flatbed trolley stacked full with boxes, books and files] Those hillbillies have been going at it tooth and nail since the 1800's!

Booth

[in amazement] That's all the Mobleys and the Babcocks?

Caroline

You know it, cher. They used to just kill each other and call it a day. Then they moved on to mule theft, aggravated assault and, lately since we're civilized, nuisance lawsuits.

Brennan

Tribal feuds tend to be generational because the feud itself becomes a cultural identity for them.

Caroline

For Lady Justice it's a boil on her butt. That's why she never sits down.

Booth

[looking through the notes] Wow...look at all these weapons charges.

Caroline

Well, you wanted to be G-Man.