Louise Belcher quotes from Bob's Burgers

Linda

You know, you're gonna need your mother some day! Who's gonna shave your legs, huh?

Louise

No one! I'm gonna grow them out all long and scraggly! [leaves, then comes back] I want to look like a torso on two tumbleweeds! [leaves, then comes back again] And I'm gonna learn about sex from television, SO I DON'T NEED THAT FROM YOU EITHER!

Bob

We'll have to cut down on expenses. What can we live without?

Louise

Probably Gene and Tina.

Bob

That's a good start.

Gene

Huh. Well that makes the things I was gonna cut irrelevant.

Gene

Ooh, an elephant! I'll bet she sneezes and it's adorable!

Aaahhhhhh!

Gene

What was that!? Play it again, play it again!

Aaahhhhh!

Louise

It was electrocuted! To death! On purpose! In public! By Thomas Edison!

Gene

What is he, a super villain?

Louise

Oh, hello, Mr. Dinkler. What a day for science, eh?

Teddy

Louise give me the word when you want me to hit the switch.

I know what you're up to you hooligan. Jeremy saw everything last night.

Louise

Oh you son of a snitch! What's your favorite movie? Squeal Magnolias?

War Horse.

You're trying to sully Edison's good name, and nobody messes with my man, Tom. That's it you're banned.

Louise

Can we roll down the windows? I'm starting to breathe in Tina's breath.

Tina

I think I forgot to brush this morning. Did I?

Louise

Yeah. Yeah, you did.

Louise

Can we just go already? Gene took off his shoes!

Gene

And my socks!

Louise

Eww! Why don't you wash your children!?

I'm mining the cave for love.

Don't care about the world above.

Down here it's dark and cold.

I'm just lookin' for a nugget of gold.

My hat is hard but my heart is soft.

It's dusty down here and so I cough.

Cough cough.

It's a dirty job, but I ain't stopping.

I know I'm breathin' toxins but you're lookin' foxy.

Will you be mine?

Coal mine

Will you be mine?

Diamond—

Tina

Hey, I was watching that!

Louise

Bad enough I'm being forced to go to their concert. It's like I'm going to the electric chair and you're making me watch videos of the electric chair.

Tina

I'm going to help you through this. Tell me what you like about Boo Boo.

Louise

Nothing. Everything. I don't know!

Tina

Do you like his hair?

Louise

You mean those soft blonde bangs you wanna hide under like an umbrella on a rainy day? No. Not really.

Tina

And his face?

Louise

Ew, gross, it's so gorgeous, I just wanna slap it, I just wanna slap it, I just wanna slap his hideous, beautiful face!

Tina

Um, you mean "kiss?"

Louise

No, I mean "slap."

Tina

Woah. You got it bad, girl.

Louise

Hey, Mr. Frond! Why did the chicken cross the road?

Mr. Frond

I don't know, Louise. Why?

Louise

So he would be in a different school district where there was a different guidance counselor!

Bob

Louise—

Louise

What?

Bob

Don't say that... here.

Louise

It's fine, I'm out of material.

Bob

You don't even know if this Deuce is legit!

Linda

He has a website!

Louise

Yeah, they don't just give those out.

Bob

We're going down there and we're coming back with our money.

Linda

Or with a really good baseball player!

Louise

I hope neither of you are getting your hopes up.

Tina

Wait, what are you talking about? Who's "Upskirt Kurt"?

Teddy

Oh yeah, I've heard of that guy. The macho seaplane pilot who beds bored housewives.

Gene

What do you mean "beds"? He makes their beds?

Teddy

No, Gene. Kurt is seducing your mommy.

Gene

Hmmm.

Louise

I hope he's a good listener because that bird loves to chirp.

Gene

"Upskirt Kurt." What a nickname! I mean, it rhymes, for one.

Louise

Was mom even wearing a skirt? I can't remember.

Bob

So, really— no one wants to confess? Louise?

Louise

It wasn't me!

Linda

Louise...

Louise

It wasn't!

Bob

So no one—including Louise—wants to admit they did this? I'm giving you one more chance to confess, then I'm grounding everyone, including your mom and Gayle!

Linda

Bobby!

No, it's okay. I didn't have any plans.

Linda

Bob, come on. It was Louise. Or maybe Gene.

Gene

[gasps] How dare you! I put food in the toilet the way God intended! It had to be Louise.

Louise

Unbelievable. So everyone thinks I did it? Then I must be guilty. That's how it works, right!?

Gene

Yep. Perfect system.

Linda

It's Christmas Eve and our tree is dead! What are we gonna do, Bobby?

Bob

I don't know, but we had to get it out of the house. It caught on fire twice. I guess we're just not going to have a tree this year.

Linda

N-n-n-not have a tree!? On Christmas!?

Louise

Where are the presents gonna go without no tree?

Gene

We want a divorce!

Bob

Okay, everyone just be quiet.

Gene

Can I say just one thing?

Bob

Gene...

Gene

I think I have the best legs in the family. And the smoothest bottom.

Tina

Mom...

Linda

Yes, Tina?

Tina

I was the one who didn't flush. Sorry.

Linda

That's okay, Tina. It was impressive. It looked just like your father's.

Tina

Thanks. That's what I was going for.

Louise

Mom?

Bob

Oh my God...

Louise

Where do babies come from?

Linda

You all came from my vagina.

Gene

Ha! I knew it! Pay up, Tina!