Mr. Frond quotes from Bob's Burgers

Mr. Frond

Let's have all the fathers come up and assume responsibility for their reckless behavior!

Mr. Frond

The Superintendent is here and I'm already on thin ice with her because my "credentials" aren't "valid" in "this state."

Mr. Frond

Ok, ABS. The conflict resolution program sweeping our school. You all know my system. And at the spaghetti dinner so will your parents or legal guardians. Um, Becky. 'Cause your mom's in jail. Tina, Jocelyn, Jimmy Junior, let's rehearse! Becky, you just watch. Tina here just found out that her best friend Jocelyn told Jimmy Junior here that Tina is whack. And... acting.

Tina, Jocelyn told me that you're whack.

Tina

Jocelyn, you skank! I hate you.

Whatever. It's true, you are whack.

Mr. Frond

And freeze! Wow, that resolved nothing. Let's rewind, shall we?

Mr. Frond

Let's work out our ABS. A: Access your feelings.

Tina

When you gossiped about me to Jimmy Junior, it hurt my feelings.

Mr. Frond

B: Be apologetic.

Sorry.

Mr. Frond

S: slap it! [slaps own butt]

Well done. Do it just like that at the dinner.

Mr. Frond

Oh. Enjoy your lunch, everyone!

Tina

[to Jocelyn] If you ever gossip about me to Jimmy Junior outside of the conflict resolution skit, I'll punch you in the face.

It was just a skit, Tina.

Tina

I will punch you. Again, and again, and again, and again, and again—

What a psycho.

Tina

—And again, and again, and again, and again— [door slams]

Louise

Hey, Mr. Frond! Why did the chicken cross the road?

Mr. Frond

I don't know, Louise. Why?

Louise

So he would be in a different school district where there was a different guidance counselor!

Bob

Louise—

Louise

What?

Bob

Don't say that... here.

Louise

It's fine, I'm out of material.

Mr. Frond

It's over, Bob. Caf-Co won. You're done.

Bob

Meat is done. Not people!

Zeke

Woah, I just got a little chill when he said that.

Gene

Where are our kids' projects? We can't find them.

Mr. Frond

Oh...they're um...they're over there.

Tina

You didn't point at anything. When you say "over there," you kind of have to point at something.

Mr. Frond

So, you're in trouble again.

Louise

Drink some cranberry juice.

Mr. Frond

What? No, not "urine trouble!" You are in trouble.

Mr. Frond

They're looking for a student to participate in their Robotic Mobility Program. Or rump for short.

Tina

Rump? I'm listening.