Bob Belcher quotes from Bob's Burgers

Bob

Oh, right! Because that's what Thanksgiving is all about—running around with a bunch of stupid birds and going on rides. Fine, go. But you know what? I am not making dinner!

Tina

He's handling this pretty well.

Bob

No, you're crying!

Bob

What am I supposed to draw first?

First the gesture then the essence, and then the breasts!

Get your charcoal Charlie. Lady's a-waitin'!

Harold, be my eyes. How's he doing?

Bad.

Bob

Sorry, I can't concentrate!

What's the matter? Don't like what you see?

Bob

No! It's just, I wasn't expecting all the hair...

Well get used to it! It's the human form. It's the most beautiful thing you're ever gonna see in your life!

It's super-yummy!

Linda

You know, do what you got to do, Bobby. If you have to sleep with her to get in, it's okay. I don't like her, but whatever it takes.

Bob

Way ahead of you, Lin.

Bob

Tomatoes and green beans and sweet peas

Linda

(glowering at Cynthia) I wanna take her stupid neck and wring it!

Louise

That's what I wanna do, too. But with him! (pointing at Logan)

Bob

The only thing greener than these plants is my thumb!

How did we ever get stuck with these bums?

Bob

(overlapping) I think I found my happy place!

Mmm-hmm!

Louise

(about Logan) He's the most annoying person who was ever born...

Linda

(about Cynthia) Oh God, she brought her own tea!

Bob

I'm the world's greatest farmer, things are growing so well!

We're living in our own personal hell,

Bob

I think I found my happy place!

The restaurant's now a crappy, crappy, crappy, crappy

Bob

(simultaneous) I think I found my happy, happy, happy, happy

Plaaaaace!

Bob

We're not leaving Sheldon not until we get our money back for that detected helicopter so do the right thing and give us a refund.

Gene

Well put.

Bob

Yup.

You don't get it do you Bob? Sheldon Felds doesn't give refunds to heliflopter's who crash on their first flight.

Bob

Stop calling me a heliflopter.

Gene

We don't care how fun it is to say.

You see I not only sell these novelty toys to make ends meet, but my real passion is customizing the serious RC choppers.

Gene

Fish in the sky! This was in Revelations! Kirk Cameron was right!

Bob

We're not hiding, Sheldon. We were regrouping. And we still want our refund!

Uh-huh. Swim, my pets. Swim! (snickers)

Bob

Your gently floating fish don't scare me, Sheldon. They're actually kinda pretty. It's a lot like snorkeling, which I've never done but I imagine I would love it! Ow. Ow.

Gene

Dad!

Bob

You're shooting BB's at me. Ow, that one hit me in the nipple.

Gene

That's his good nipple!

Bob

My good nipple is bleeding!!

Are we done here, Bob? You lose, I win. Also I have a couple of frozen pizzas in the oven, so I'm far ready to wrap this up.

Bob

No we're not done!!

Tina

I've never been to this neighborhood before. Looks like a bunch of old people live here.

Bob

See, it's already getting good! Old people are scary.

Louise

Being an old person is scary.

Linda

(offended) Hey!

Bob

It is.

Bob

Gene, you're gonna put your clothes back on, right?

Gene

[in his underwear] Oh, am I?

Bob

I--

Gene

You're the one making it weird, Dad!

Gene

I feel like you're doing a really good job as a dad.

Bob

Thank you, Gene.

Gene

I'm having a good childhood.

Bob

Okay, great.

Gene

Not right now, but overall.

Gene

Who's that girl? She's not a Boy 4 Now!

Tina

She won an essay contest. It had to be under 30,000 words and I couldn't cut mine down.

Louise

Yeah, that's rough. (She sees Boo-Boo) There's that idiot Boo-Boo. It was his dumb birthday last week. Not that I care, or even know that.

Gene

Allen does not make a believable mummy.

Linda

Wait, is that a different Allen from the last video?

Tina

No.

Linda

Yes, it is! They switch Allens sometimes, Bobby.

Tina

(getting annoyed) No. They don't.

Bob

Don't tell Teddy. That's his favorite one. He's a big Allen guy.

Teddy

This is crazy! You're crazy! You do "Burgers of the Day" every day!

Bob

Teddy--

Teddy

A NEW BURGER, EVERY DAY! IT'S THE ONLY CONSTANT IN MY LIFE!

Linda

[reassuring] Okay, easy, Teddy, Teddy, easy...

Teddy

[shaking her off] No, no, no, get off of me!

Linda

Teddy! Teddy!

Teddy

GET OFF OF ME! When I come back tomorrow, there better be a friggin' burger on that board! You hear me, Bob?!

Bob

Yeah...

Teddy

DO YOU HEAR ME?!

Bob

Bye...

Teddy

[to another customer, calmy] I'm sorry, sir, I know you're enjoying your lunch. [to Bob] PUT A BURGER ON THAT BOARD!

Louise

Uh, why is Teddy walking in the street, trying to punch cars?

Bob

He's overreacting because I--

Tina

[pointing and panicking] THE "BURGER OF THE DAY" BOARD IS BLANK! THE "BURGER OF THE DAY" BOARD IS BLANK!

Gene

AAAAAAAHH!!!

Linda

That didn't happen to you.

Bob

Yes it did.

Linda

No. It happened to Tippi Hedren in The Birds.

Bob

What?

Teddy

Bob, you're describing an exact scene in Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds. They call it "shot for shot".

Linda

Bob, you think you're Tippi Hedren, honey.

Bob

I don't think I'm Tippi Hedren, I'm describing an event from my life.

Bob

Oh my God, I'm Tippi Hedren!

Teddy

Yeah, you wish!

Bob

I guess I must have seen that movie when I was young.

Linda

Oh, you poor thing. You poor dumb thing.

Bob

Tina, I thought we took the air horn away from you.

Tina

Did you hide it in your underwear drawer?

Gene

Yes.

Tina

We know about the underwear drawer.

Gene

And about your underwear. Not-so-tighty-not-so-whitey!

Bob

We should build a fort with the cushions.That way, even if he gets in, he won't see us.

Okay, but I'm still sad, so I want my own room in the fort to reflect and figure out where to go from here.

Bob

You absolutely deserve that.

Bob

And we can't forget the most important role of all

Tina

With great jury comes great responsibility.

On this paper, you'll find a phone number. It's the direct line to the concession stand inside. Call it, and when the guy picks up, give him the pass phrase.

Bob

What's the pass phrase?

The pass phrase is (whispering, rattled coughing)

Bob

Oh, God.

Word to the wise: two guys work at the concession stand. One is cool, the other is not.

Bob

Okay. Um, what are their names?

They're both named Nick.

Bob

Oh. Nice.

If the uncool Nick answers, hang up right away.

Bob

How are we supposed to know which Nick we're talking to?

You'll know the cool Nick, 'cause, you know, he sounds cool.

Bob

Okay.

Another word to the wise.

Bob

Mm.

The uncool Nick knows we do this, so sometimes he tries to sound cool, and he's very good. It's almost impossible to tell the difference.

Bob

Oh, my God.