Bob Belcher quotes from Bob's Burgers

Bob

Wait, I know how we can get back in front of Pesto.

Gene

Bob, it's not a race.

Bob

That's right, it's not a race Lin. It's a war.

Gene

It's a race war.

Bob

Gene.

Quick question: how big is your crotch?

Bob

What?

For your harness. You look like a medium, but I don't want to assume.

Louise

Okay, before we do this, let's talk weapons. What'd everybody bring?

Tina

Wait, what? None. Why are we talking weapons now? There was a much better time to do this, back when we were near weapons.

Louise

Well, I have extras. You're welcome. (sighs) Okay, here's what I got: ruler, for slapping or poking.

Gene

Or measuring.

Tina

Pass.

Louise

Key chain, for stabbing.

Gene

Or keys.

Louise

You could also take the key chain, and you could force it down a throat.

Bob

Yeah, you could sneak it into someone's mouth.

Louise

Yeah.

Gene

"Hey, what's that? Oh, keys in your mouth."

Tina

Wha-What else you got?

Louise

Uh, you know, mace, knife... but I'm keeping those.

Bob

All right, kids said the corner of Garfield and Jackson, but those streets don't intersect.

Linda

She's not good with directions, Bob. Nobody is in our family. We're lucky we ever get anywhere. We're so stupid!

Linda

Bob, what's the racket down there?

Bob

Oh, we're just, uh, making jewelry for your birthday.

Linda

Oh, oh, I don't want to see! I don't want to see!

Bob

Uh, but when you do see it, it's gonna look store-bought and sensibly priced.

Linda

Oh, you too, Sergeant Bosco?

Shush! I'm undercover.

Bob

You're wearing your badge outside your shirt.

Dammit! Just treat me like a regular customer.

Linda

Okay. What'll you have, Sergeant Customer?

I'll have a... coffee.

Gene

Very convincing.

Shush!

Gene

At least you get to keep that sweet whistle.

Tina

Uh, no. I have to return it tomorrow.

Louise

Can you at least play something one last time?

Bob

Better not. It's kinda shrill.

Louise

You love mom.

Linda

What?