Gene Belcher quotes from Bob's Burgers

Teddy

I gotta go to my cousin's wedding this weekend and I'm dreading it.

Gene

Oh. Is this the cousin you got to second base with?

Teddy

No, that was my second cousin and it was third base.

Linda

It's Christmas Eve and our tree is dead! What are we gonna do, Bobby?

Bob

I don't know, but we had to get it out of the house. It caught on fire twice. I guess we're just not going to have a tree this year.

Linda

N-n-n-not have a tree!? On Christmas!?

Louise

Where are the presents gonna go without no tree?

Gene

We want a divorce!

Bob

Okay, everyone just be quiet.

Gene

Can I say just one thing?

Bob

Gene...

Gene

I think I have the best legs in the family. And the smoothest bottom.

Tina

Mom...

Linda

Yes, Tina?

Tina

I was the one who didn't flush. Sorry.

Linda

That's okay, Tina. It was impressive. It looked just like your father's.

Tina

Thanks. That's what I was going for.

Louise

Mom?

Bob

Oh my God...

Louise

Where do babies come from?

Linda

You all came from my vagina.

Gene

Ha! I knew it! Pay up, Tina!

Gene

I'm having my own Super Bowl blowout this year. I'm holding all of my BM's until halftime, where I will make a "Super Bowel!"

Bob

Gene, you can't hold your poops in, all right? You gotta set 'em free, so they can go down the sewer and find their families,

Gene

I'm their family! I raised them!

Gene

Where are our kids' projects? We can't find them.

Mr. Frond

Oh...they're um...they're over there.

Tina

You didn't point at anything. When you say "over there," you kind of have to point at something.

Tina

Rumor has it this party will be packed with Beef-ohs.

Bob

What are "Beef-ohs"?

Tina

B-F-O-S; "Boys From Other Schools".

Bob

What's wrong with the boys from your school?

Tina

I need fresh faces. And fresh butts.

Gene

You'll take the butts you're given and you'll like it!

Teddy

Super-freaky, huh?

Bob

What?

Teddy

Linda was right about who was calling. And where Mort's wallet was. Two predictions in a row!

Gene

Try a third one, Mom!

Linda

Okay! The next person to walk in will be tall, dark and handsome.

Bob

Um, *ahem*, I'm already here.

Gene

Hehe, good one, Papa.

Bob

Thank you, son.

Gene

You're welcome.

Marshmallow in the house. Now put a burger in my mouth.

Bob

Oh, hey, Marshmallow.

Linda

*(gasps)* Tall, dark and handsome!

Gene

That settles it: Mom's psychic!

Bob

No she isn't! Marshmallow isn't handsome. She's....beautiful.

Blush!

Gene

Does anyone else think these girls all look like men?

Louise

I think they are men. This is a kind of man. We've discovered a new kind of man!

Gene

Do you think they're dangerous?

Louise

N......no.

Louise

Tina, did some guy just swindle you out of your toy horse?

Tina

What? No! I mean, kind of. Why would you say that?

Louise

(pointing at Bronconius) He just said it!

Linda

Wha, who, wha, what's goin' on, wha?

Louise

Tina got swindled!

Linda

Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod!

Gene

AAAHHHH! I told you we should have never left the food court!

(sniff) Gross! (sniff) Great! (sniff) Gross! (sniff) Great!

Louise

I can't stop smelling this enigma of gross-great!

Gene

Is that what sex will be like?

Bob

Teddy's not my best friend. He's my best customer. There's a big difference, and I really value that thirty inches of formica that's between us.

Gene

Are you talking about your ding-dong, Daddy? Brag!

Louise

Your name is a verb in this family. We call it "Geneing out."

Gene

I thought that meant taking off your pants after a good meal.

I was "Geneing out" at work the other day.

Hugo

[swerving the pedi-cab back and forth] I'm "Geneing out" right now!

Gene

Oh my God. I'm a verb. I'm a bad verb!

Tina

You're a "berb."

Gene

I'm a "berb!"

Tina

Mom and Dad might not recognize us when we get back from go-karting. (pulling her hair back) 'Cause our hair will be like this!

Louise

(pulling on her face) And our faces will be like this!

Gene

And our penises will be like this! (pause) You can't see what I'm doing, but it's pretty great!

Bob

We're not leaving Sheldon not until we get our money back for that detected helicopter so do the right thing and give us a refund.

Gene

Well put.

Bob

Yup.

You don't get it do you Bob? Sheldon Felds doesn't give refunds to heliflopter's who crash on their first flight.

Bob

Stop calling me a heliflopter.

Gene

We don't care how fun it is to say.

You see I not only sell these novelty toys to make ends meet, but my real passion is customizing the serious RC choppers.

Gene

Fish in the sky! This was in Revelations! Kirk Cameron was right!

Bob

We're not hiding, Sheldon. We were regrouping. And we still want our refund!

Uh-huh. Swim, my pets. Swim! (snickers)

Bob

Your gently floating fish don't scare me, Sheldon. They're actually kinda pretty. It's a lot like snorkeling, which I've never done but I imagine I would love it! Ow. Ow.

Gene

Dad!

Bob

You're shooting BB's at me. Ow, that one hit me in the nipple.

Gene

That's his good nipple!

Bob

My good nipple is bleeding!!

Are we done here, Bob? You lose, I win. Also I have a couple of frozen pizzas in the oven, so I'm far ready to wrap this up.

Bob

No we're not done!!