Gene Belcher quotes from Bob's Burgers

Louise

Geez, Courtney. Take a chill pill.

It's okay, it's okay. [to Louise] I will take a chill pill. I will. Because I have a congenital heart condition and I take them every day.

Gene

I had shingles once.

Tina

I have a cut on my leg.

Those things aren't congenital.

Gene

Show's over. Time to get our congenitals to class!

Louise

Mom, it's over. You "Momed" it all up.

Bob

Uh-oh.

Linda

What's that supposed to mean? Dad's here! Did he "Dad" it all up?

Louise

Yeah, but that's a good thing!

Linda

Fine! I don't wanna play your dumb little game anyway.

Louise

Well that's 'cause you suck at it!

Gene

Uh-oh.

Tina

Ouch.

Bob

Oh, God.

Linda

Don't you talk to me that way, Miss Smart-Mouth! You just bought yourself a ticket to your room!

Louise

(storming off) Oh, fine! Best money I ever spent! You can't ruin anything in there!

Bob

Gene, why are you making noises?

Gene

They're jealousy noises! You got your legs waxed and I didn't!

Bob

You don't even have leg hairs.

Gene

Tell that to my heart!

Gene

What's the point of clinging to this, [gestures to himself] if I'm doomed to be that? [points at Bob]

Gene

Huh. I don't know.

Bob

Lin...

Gene

Why wait? Let's do it now! I want the whole Bob! Male-pattern baldness...

Bob

Hmm.

Gene

...stooped shoulders...

Bob

Stop.

Gene

...paunch...

Bob

Please.

Gene

...and the push broom on my lip.

Bob

This is incredibly insulting.

Gene

Think about how I feel! You really let myself go!

Bob

We'll have to cut down on expenses. What can we live without?

Louise

Probably Gene and Tina.

Bob

That's a good start.

Gene

Huh. Well that makes the things I was gonna cut irrelevant.

Gene

I'm gonna go bet my sisters that there isn't a talking toilet in the woods. That's what we call easy money!

Loading artist Eddie Money.

Gene

No, no, no! Cancel! Undo!

Gene

Ooh, an elephant! I'll bet she sneezes and it's adorable!

Aaahhhhhh!

Gene

What was that!? Play it again, play it again!

Aaahhhhh!

Louise

It was electrocuted! To death! On purpose! In public! By Thomas Edison!

Gene

What is he, a super villain?

Zeke

You saved us, Gene. I owe you my life.

Gene

No thanks. I've seen it, and I'm not impressed!

Louise

Can we just go already? Gene took off his shoes!

Gene

And my socks!

Louise

Eww! Why don't you wash your children!?

Bob

This is a big weekend for us. It's Fleet Week.

Gene

Yay! Feet Week!

Bob

No, Fleet Week. Why would there be a "Feet Week?"

Gene

I don't know. There's Arbor Day. Who needs that?

Bob

Hey, sometimes good things come from boredom. Like Gene.

Gene

Thank you!

Bob

And Tina.

Tina

[fist-bumps him] Pow.

Gene

[about Bob's multitool] Could it kill an eagle?

Tina

Why would we want to kill an eagle?

Gene

I don't know. They're so condescending.

Tina

Wait, what are you talking about? Who's "Upskirt Kurt"?

Teddy

Oh yeah, I've heard of that guy. The macho seaplane pilot who beds bored housewives.

Gene

What do you mean "beds"? He makes their beds?

Teddy

No, Gene. Kurt is seducing your mommy.

Gene

Hmmm.

Louise

I hope he's a good listener because that bird loves to chirp.

Gene

"Upskirt Kurt." What a nickname! I mean, it rhymes, for one.

Louise

Was mom even wearing a skirt? I can't remember.

Bob

So, really— no one wants to confess? Louise?

Louise

It wasn't me!

Linda

Louise...

Louise

It wasn't!

Bob

So no one—including Louise—wants to admit they did this? I'm giving you one more chance to confess, then I'm grounding everyone, including your mom and Gayle!

Linda

Bobby!

No, it's okay. I didn't have any plans.

Linda

Bob, come on. It was Louise. Or maybe Gene.

Gene

[gasps] How dare you! I put food in the toilet the way God intended! It had to be Louise.

Louise

Unbelievable. So everyone thinks I did it? Then I must be guilty. That's how it works, right!?

Gene

Yep. Perfect system.