Gene Belcher quotes from Bob's Burgers

Louise

It's not fair. Tina and Gene can be scared by anything. Watch.

Gene

Argh! Clapping!

Louise

Okay, let's see what the old kooks have cooked up.

Gene

I hope it's not Dad in sandals.

Tina

Yeah, his toes are a nightmare!

Bob

Gene, you're gonna put your clothes back on, right?

Gene

[in his underwear] Oh, am I?

Bob

I--

Gene

You're the one making it weird, Dad!

Gene

I feel like you're doing a really good job as a dad.

Bob

Thank you, Gene.

Gene

I'm having a good childhood.

Bob

Okay, great.

Gene

Not right now, but overall.

Gene

Who's that girl? She's not a Boy 4 Now!

Tina

She won an essay contest. It had to be under 30,000 words and I couldn't cut mine down.

Louise

Yeah, that's rough. (She sees Boo-Boo) There's that idiot Boo-Boo. It was his dumb birthday last week. Not that I care, or even know that.

Gene

Allen does not make a believable mummy.

Linda

Wait, is that a different Allen from the last video?

Tina

No.

Linda

Yes, it is! They switch Allens sometimes, Bobby.

Tina

(getting annoyed) No. They don't.

Bob

Don't tell Teddy. That's his favorite one. He's a big Allen guy.

Tina

I think that's supposed to be Aunt Gayle.

Gene

Well then who's that lady in the living room?

Teddy

This is crazy! You're crazy! You do "Burgers of the Day" every day!

Bob

Teddy--

Teddy

A NEW BURGER, EVERY DAY! IT'S THE ONLY CONSTANT IN MY LIFE!

Linda

[reassuring] Okay, easy, Teddy, Teddy, easy...

Teddy

[shaking her off] No, no, no, get off of me!

Linda

Teddy! Teddy!

Teddy

GET OFF OF ME! When I come back tomorrow, there better be a friggin' burger on that board! You hear me, Bob?!

Bob

Yeah...

Teddy

DO YOU HEAR ME?!

Bob

Bye...

Teddy

[to another customer, calmy] I'm sorry, sir, I know you're enjoying your lunch. [to Bob] PUT A BURGER ON THAT BOARD!

Louise

Uh, why is Teddy walking in the street, trying to punch cars?

Bob

He's overreacting because I--

Tina

[pointing and panicking] THE "BURGER OF THE DAY" BOARD IS BLANK! THE "BURGER OF THE DAY" BOARD IS BLANK!

Gene

AAAAAAAHH!!!

A mob hit? No fair! How'd you get something cool?

Gene

Well...bye, Jimmy.

Wait wait wait, I love mob stuff! The music, the movies..."Johnny Dangerously." Joe Piscopo in his prime! That's the movie that made me wanna be Italian!

Bob

Tina, I thought we took the air horn away from you.

Tina

Did you hide it in your underwear drawer?

Gene

Yes.

Tina

We know about the underwear drawer.

Gene

And about your underwear. Not-so-tighty-not-so-whitey!

Tina

Maybe this is our wake-up call. We should stop eating cat food.

Gene

I have been throwing up on the rug.

Tina

So let's do it. We'll have a normal day where we don't think about cat food at all.

Gene

Everyone ready to go to the cat food audition today?

Tina

Oh damn it.

Louise

Atta girl.

Tina

So not great?

Gene

Bleh! Bleh! Bleh! Bleh!

Tina

So what's the verdict?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, kid, you got to pay for that.

Gene

Why would they do this to me? Why would they change Chunky Blast Offs? And where's Ronnie? (grabs checkout desk). I want my usual convenience store checkout guy!

Ronnie joined the Peace Corps.

Gene

NOOOOOO!

Tina

I'm going to bed. I don't remember which room I'm in but I'm sure I'll recognize the door.

Gene

She's going to be wandering around up there all night.

Louise

Yup, she belongs to the hotel now.

Linda

I like sandwiches.

Gene

You smell like you do.

Linda

You smell interesting too. You own a toothbrush, or are you still shopping around?

Bob

Wait, I know how we can get back in front of Pesto.

Gene

Bob, it's not a race.

Bob

That's right, it's not a race Lin. It's a war.

Gene

It's a race war.

Bob

Gene.

Teddy

Well, we're dissolving the poster business. Janine wants out.

Gene

Aw, Teddy, I'm so sorry.

Teddy

Yeah, well, the pet shop down the street offered to buy the rest of the posters at a deep discount. They're gonna shred them for hamster cage bedding. The guy was really impressed with how much hamster urine they could absorb.