S7 E25 Garage Band
We're Metallica, featuring Beavis and Butt-head!
Uhh, that doesn't sound right. It should be like, Butt-head and Beavis. "Beavis and Butt-head" sounds stupid.
No, no! I kinda like "Beavis and Butt-head"! I don't know just sounds right.
Damn it, Beavis, this is my band. My name comes first. Don't you, like, wanna be a hit?
No way! If you hit me, I'm gonna kick you in the nads!
Yeah, try it, and I'll beat the living crap out of you. Damn it, this band isn't working. It's, like, we don't, like, uhh…communicate or something?
What the hell are you talking about?!
Uh, I don't know. You're just a butt-knocker.
Don't call me butt-knocker, you son of a bitch!
This band sucks. I'm gonna get outta here. [walks off ]
Yeah, I'm gonna get outta here. This sucks! [turns around and walks off ]
S7 E26 Impotence
L Dr. Leibowitz
Let's try to see exactly what the problem is. Now, I'm going to run some tests to gauge your ability to become aroused.
L Dr. Leibowitz
Now, I'm going to show you some photographs. When you begin to feel aroused, just raise your hand. Now...[he sees that Beavis and Butt-head have already raised their hands]
Um, are these pictures of the chicks we're gonna get to score with?
L Dr. Leibowitz
Well, yes, if you find that helps, that would be an excellent way to think of them.
Yeah, yeah. [mock-Arabic accent] Which lucky girls will be fit to join my harem?
L Dr. Leibowitz
Uh, okay. Here's the first image. [holds up a photo of a model in lingerie]
[both raise their hands] Yes! I'll take her!
Yeah, yeah, me too. [turns to Butt-head] I saw her first, dillhole!
L Dr. Leibowitz
Hmm. Let's go on. [holds up another photo]
Wha-ha! Boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing!!
L Dr. Leibowitz
Interesting. Beavis, why didn't you raise your hand this time? Didn't you find the image exciting?
[looks at Beavis] Uhh, Beavis' hands are busy, sir.
S7 E27 The Miracle That Is Beavis
Hey Beavis....seize my weiner.
DAMMIT YOU WILL LISTEN WHEN I'M TALKIN'!!!
No way! I'm sick of school and I'm sick of you!
WHAT?!?! YOU GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!! I'LL SEE YOU IN DETENTION!!!
S7 E29 Inventors
[seeing a man chopping wood] I know. Let's invent a tree.
See, we could build one out of lumbers and two-by-fours and stuff, and then we could like tape some leaves- [Butt-head slaps him] OW!!! See, that way, anyone who needs wood, but doesn't want to cut down his own tree, can just, like, buy our tree and cut it down, and then he- [Butt-head slaps him again] OW!!!
Why wouldn't he just go cut down his neighbor's tree, dumbass? Now, quit wasting time. We need to come up with a REAL money-making invention.
Now we need to get some of that bug spray.
Yeah, when it lands on the garbage, we'll like, spray poison on it, then it's gonna puke all over itself and die!
(pulling trash can into house) So, all we need to do is... (turns around and sees Beavis taking a dump in the living room) UHHHH! BEAVIS, WHAT THE HELL ARE DOING!?
(getting up) You said flies like to eat garbage and crap.
Look, Butt-Head. (pulls out the hedgetrimmer) Say hello to my little friend!
[pulling trash can into house ] [turns around, sees Beavis taking a dump in the living room ] Uhh! What the hell are you doing, butthole!? Get up and help me with this.
[getting up ] I am helping, butthole! You said flies like garbage and crap.
S7 E32 Work Is Death
BW Burger World Manager
You don't get workers compensation for fighting, it has to be an accident.
You mean we, like, need to poop in our pants?
B-b-but I don't want any visitors... I'm sick in the head!
P Psychiatrist
Seeing them is a first step towards resuming your duties as principal. After all, they're your students...
No! They're demons sent straight from Hell!
P Psychiatrist
Mr McVicker, what are we going to do with you? We tried everything from group counselling to physical isolation, and...
Did you try kicking him in the nads?
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
