SNSalt-N-Pepa
Push it good!
Push what?
Push that little button on the remote.
Yeah.
[Butt-head changes the channel]
Salt-N-Pepa, "Push It
Jacob Sartorius, "Chapstick
[chortling] ...white people.
This is like a boy band, but with just one person.
Yeah. And he actually is a boy.
Yeah, he looks like he's 11. Yeah, check this out, Butt-head. Yeah, I mean this is kid, he's young you know, when he says, "Hey you wanna come back to my crib?" He means an actual crib! You know what I'm saying? He's young, so...
You're in rare form today, Beavis.
Yeah yeah yeah, I don't wanna say he's young, but you know, this chick thinks he's got wood, but it's just his diaper's full. He's young, this kid! Hey-ooo!
Uhh... isn't it like illegal for a girl her age to be with a kid his age?
Yeah yeah, really.
He's a victim. [cackles]
JSJacob Sartorius
... nothing between us, but chapstick...
"Nothing between us, but chapstick?" What's that even mean?
Well I'll tell you one thing that's not between him... pubic hair.
Come on, Butt-head, that's kinda mean.
Uh, I don't care! He's rich, and he gets to score when he's 11? He'll be just fine.
Scandal, "Goodbye to You
Look at these special effects.
These special effects suck.
Do you have to spit when you talk, Beavis?
Yeah. I always try to hock a loogie when I talk.
You just spit in my eye, assmunch.
Yeah! Yeah.
[about singer Patty Smyth] Is this Pat Nebatar?
Yeah. She's that chick that had sexual intercourse with Dan Henley.
Yeah.
PSPatty Smyth
Goodbye to you.
Goodbye to glue.
Yeah.
PSPatty Smith
Goodbye to you...
[high-pitched voice] GOODBYE TO POO-OOOO!
Goodbye to poo!
Yeah!
[Butt-head changes the channel]
Scatman John, "Scatman (Ski-Ba-Bop-Ba-Dop-Bop)
Oh boy, this sure is horrible. [snickers]
The United Colors of Bentaton...
Seaweed, "Kid Candy
[video opens with no music]
Uh, what happened to the sound?
Yeah. Ummm...
These guys seem pretty cool.
Yeah, yeah. It's like, they kinda remind me of myself.
Yeah, right! You remind me of, like, Urkel.
Shut up, Butt-head! I'm cool!
[a photo of a bicycle is shown]
Hey, hey, THAT'S MY BIKE! Remember, my bike was stolen last week, that's it!
Uh...that's not your bike, Beavis.
Yeah it is! That's my bike. That dude ripped off my bike!
Uh...did you lock it?
Uhh...um, uh, maybe not. These fartknockers ripped off my bike!
Dammit, Beavis, that's not your bike!
That's my bike, Butt-head, how do you know?!
Because, Beavis, I stole your bike. It was cool.
No way, Butt-head! You didn't steal my bike, you just got a new one last week. It looks just like mine.
Uh...okay, Beavis. You're stupid.
Yeah. You know what else, someone else stole five bucks from me last week.
Hey Beavis, since you don't have that bike anymore, can I like, have your lock?
Um, I guess.
Uh, I'll give you five bucks for it.
Um, okay.
Dumbass.
Brian Setzer, "Rebelene
[video is set at a gas station]
Um, what's wrong with this dude's hair?
Look who's talking, Beavis!
What are you talking about, there's nothing wrong with my hair. My hair's cool.
Besides, that's not his hair, Beavis. He's like, wearing some kind of Davy Crockett hat or something.
No way, Butt-head, that's his hair!
No it's not, Beavis! It's, like, a squirrel or something.
Oh. Oh yeah.
Whoa, check it out, Butt-head, they got Crocodile Dundee in the band!
Uh, it's pronounced "Dundee," Beavis.
Oh yeah. I didn't know he played.
Yeah. He jams with Midnight Oil sometimes.
Oh, really? He sounds better with these guys. I'm glad to see he hooked up with a good band. Yeah.
This dude's, like, getting on my nerves. It's like, quit wiggling around and get me some gas!
Yeah, really! And check the oil, dammit!
Yeah! And wash my windows, buttknocker!
Don't call him that, Butt-head.
Why not, buttknocker?
Dammit, Butt-head, don't call me that, I told you that before! And don't call him that, either.
[Brian Setzer plays his guitar in masturbatory fashion]
Whoa, look, he's choking his chicken!
Settle down, Brian!
Yeah. That was pretty cool. Hey, Butt-head. I might get a guitar. Yeah.
Yeah! Then in the morning, you could like, just say, "Uh, I'm practicing."
Yeah, yeah. "I'm wack-tising." Yeah.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.