Get it on, bang your schlong.
Yeah, and then there's that other part: "get it on, bang a schlong, with your...dong."
Yeah. Schlong.
The Jesus and Mary Chain, "Come On
The Jesus Lizard, "Glamorous
ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ARE YOU READY TO GET WILD?
Yeah!
ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
Uh huh.
I WANNA ASK YOU ONE QUESTION, ARE YOU READY TO ROCK? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Okay.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Buttmunch.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME, um, uh, who are these guys?
Uh, Jesus Lizard.
Um, PLEASE WELCOME JESUS, ah, LIZARD! Yeah. I - I'm pretty good at that, yeah. I oughta be one of those guys. I bet - I bet I could do that.
Beavis, you would suck! The audience would, like, start booing, and then the band would kick your ass.
Shut up, Butt-head! You know, one of my teachers told me I had special abilities. Dumbass.
Beavis...
Butthole.
...she just said that 'cause you're stupid!
Uh...oh, really?
These guys aren't too bad for one of those Jesus bands.
Yeah. They don't really sound like Christian rock, though.
Uh, no, I mean like, you know, for one of those bands that has "Jesus" in their name.
Ohhh yeah, yeah, yeah, there's like, about 900 of those bands...you know, The Jesus and Mary, uh, Joseph, like, 900-Foot Jesus, you know.
Yeah. And most of 'em suck!
Joan Jett & the Blackhearts, "Do You Wanna Touch Me
[a closeup of a man flexing his pectoral muscles is shown]
Whoa! That guy has bigger boobs than she does.
Yeah. Maybe we should touch them.
It's a dude, Beavis!
Oh yeah, yeah. I forgot. He does has big boobs, though.
[two fishermen are shown flexing fishing rods to the drum beat]
Those are some dudes holding their rods.
Yeah! That's pretty cool.
She should put her address on the screen so we can know where to go, so we can touch her.
Why would you need a dress?? You some kind of transformer?
No, Beavis! Not a dress. An address!
Um...yeah, yeah. Yeah. Uh huh.
You're stupid, Beavis!
Yeah.
Elton John with RuPaul, "Don't Go Breaking My Heart
[the channel was changed from the video "Demon Juice" by Sweaty Nipples]
Uh, now what?
Yeah. Yeah, this isn't much better. What the hell is this?
That's that dude who would, like, rather be a girl.
Yeah. I wonder why that chick's hanging out with him?
Uhh...I don't know.
I don't feel like watching this either right now.
Um, I don't think I feel like watching this ever.
Well, I've seen enough, Beavis, how about you?
Yeah. Let's never watch this again. [changes channel]
JoJo, "Worst (I Assume)
[as two people in a car jolt upright]
Whoa. That looks like that time you had that heart attack, and then they like, brought you back with that... infibulator?
Oh yeah. That thing hurt.
They said you were dead for a while, too.
Uhh... that's right, I was. When I closed my eyes, I thought I saw God. And, uh, he said "I love you, Butt-head. Keep doing what you're doing. And don't ever come back." And then I woke up.
And then, did you like, um, change your life, or something?
No. I was completely unchanged. And then they sent me a bill for $124,000, and I never paid it. I get a notice every couple months, and I just ignore it.
In a just world, they would have killed you.
Yeah. It's not fair.
Grace Jones, "Demolition Man
Who is this?
Uhhhhh...uhhhhh...is this Manute Bol?
Yeah. That dude can slam dunk without even jumping.
Yeah. It's too bad he can't sing.
Yeah.
Maybe this isn't Manute Bol.
Yeah. Manute Bol sings better than this.
Yeah.
This man has lipstick on!
Yeah. This is scary. Can I sleep at your house tonight?
Uhh, I don't know. I'll ask my mom's boyfriend.
Ah, never mind.
Jeremy Jordan, "The Right Kind of Love
Come on, Butt-head, change it, quick!
No way! Check out this wuss.
Vanilla Ice sucks.
Is this one of those Levi's 501 commercials?
Yeah. Change it. Change it, Butt-head! Come on, Butt-head, THIS SUCKS! CHANGE IT, THIS SUCKS!
[Butt-head changes the channel]
Dermot Kennedy, "For Island Fires and Family
DKDermot Kennedy
How it must feel... to be a bird...
Ugh... is this guy Irish?
Oh he's Irish alright. I-rish he would shut up and stop singing.
I think that was a, a dad joke, Butt-head.
Uh, how would you know, Beavis? You don't have a dad.
Oh yeah, that's true.
A dad joke for you would be like, "Beavis, I'm glad you're my son. I wanna spend more time with you. And everyone knows if I'm alive or dead."
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.