Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

I bet this chick would like, be into me and stuff because like, you know, she has braces.

Beavis

She's probably got one of those overbites.

Butt-head

Uh, I wish she'd give me an overbite.

Beavis

Whoa, look at that! I didn't know chicks in videos wore underpants!

Butt-head

Beavis, if I ever catch you looking at my woman's drawers again, I'm gonna kick your ass.

Beavis

She's not your woman, Butt-head! She's never even seen you.

Butt-head

Dammit Beavis, this chick loves me, and I love her.

Butt-head

He's smiling at you, Beavis.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head!

Butt-head

This guy always likes to show off his butt.

Beavis

Yeah. And his butt sucks.

Butt-head

Oh yeah? How do you know?

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! I'll kick your ass!

Beavis

Um...wow. Something's different about this.

Butt-head

Uhh...yeah. It's like, it sounds different, and looks different than like, most other videos you see lately.

Beavis

Yeah yeah. Kinda cool, yeah.

Butt-head

I'm hungry, Beavis. Go make some pancakes.

Beavis

Come on, Butt-head, I wanna watch this.

Butt-head

Uhh, you can watch it later. It's gonna be on about 50 times.

Beavis

Really? Well, okay. I guess I can make some pancakes. [exits the room. all further lines are yelled from the kitchen] Okay, where's the syrup?!

Butt-head

[calling out ] You gotta make the pancakes first, dumbass!

Beavis

Um...where's the spatula?

Butt-head

Uhh, I think it's in my bedroom!

Beavis

Oh, okay! [Beavis can be heard running]

Butt-head

Look under the bed!

Beavis

Oh, there's the pan, too! Cool! [walks back to the kitchen, passes by Butt-head] Hey, how's it going?

Butt-head

Hey. Pretty good.

Beavis

[hums] Dun dun da dun...[yells from the kitchen] How's that video?

Butt-head

It's pretty cool, now shut up and get cooking!

Beavis

How much mayonnaise do I put in?

Butt-head

None!

Beavis

One what? Okay, I'll just put one cup then. [long beat] Hey Butt-head, is there supposed to be smoke?

Butt-head

Uhh, I think so. [the smoke alarm goes off]

Beavis

AAH! OW!!

Butt-head

Hey Beavis, you get the one in the middle.

Beavis

Shut up peckerwood! She's yours.

Butt-head

Their parents were in the Beatles.

Beavis

These chicks sound like Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Butt-head

Yeah, I like Theodore. He's cool.

Beavis

Which one's Theodore?

Butt-head

He's the fat one. I bet the fat one has a big butt. "I like big butts and I will not lie! You other brothers can't deny!"

Butt-head

His teeth are whiter than white!

Beavis

Yeah, they're "white"!

Butt-head

These guys live on the edge!

Beavis

Yeah, the edge of "Wuss Cliff"!

Butt-head

Life. What a beautiful choice.

Beavis

Life. It sucks! All these kids have one thing in common - they're all here because a couple people did it. [Yanni fades in on screen] Whoa, look at that, it's Geraldo!

Butt-head

Oh no. This is Yanni.

Beavis

Come on, change it, Butt-head.

Butt-head

I can't believe they're even showing this.

Beavis

Yeah, really.

Butt-head

This guy is the biggest butthole I've ever seen in my life.

Beavis

Yeah. Change it, Butt-head. Come on, gimme that!

Butt-head

Uhh, wait a minute, I think it's about to rock. [turns the volume up as loud as it can go]

Beavis

Come on, dammit Butt-head, cut it out!

Butt-head

No way, Beavis. You like this.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! No I don't! Turn it down!

Butt-head

Hey Beavis, did you know that this guy is your dad?

Beavis

AAAAAAHHHH!!! NOOOOOO!!!!

Butt-head

You're a dumbass, Beavis. You just, like, believe anything anybody tells you.

Beavis

Um, no. I was just kidding.

Butt-head

Yep, that's him, officer.

Beavis

Book him, Danno.

Butt-head

Kick him, Danno.

Beavis

And punch him! He deserves it. He sucks!

Butt-head

We charge you with being in a sucky video for a crappy song.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Guilty as charged!

Beavis

Whoa, where are they taking him?

Butt-head

I think they're gonna go torture him somewhere, like, to get him to say something.

Beavis

Oh yeah. You mean, like, "I'm a monkey's uncle"?

Butt-head

No, dumbass! Like, y'know, where the money is, or something like that.

Beavis

If I was that dude, I'd just, like, kick 'em in the nads, and then like smack their heads together, then just like tear ass!

Butt-head

Beavis, if that was you, they'd just, like, touch you, and then you'd go "Aaaahhh!!! I'm a monkey's uncle and I put the money in my backyard!"

Beavis

No sir! Buttmunch.

Butt-head

They're making him fight the janitor.

Beavis

Fight, yeah!

Butt-head

If I was a janitor, I'd like, throw a bunch of sawdust with puke at him, and then I'd go "Now who's bad?"

Butt-head

Whoa.

Beavis

Yeah yeah, now this is gettin' good. [The man transforms into a bird] What? He turned into a bird!

Butt-head

If I could turn into a bird, I'd turn into a cock.

Beavis

Cock-a-doodle-doo!