Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

How does he do that? How does he sing all high and stuff?

Butt-head

Uhh, I think if you snip your nads off, it'll make you sing high like this.

Beavis

Really? That's cool.

Butt-head

You should try it, Beavis.

Beavis

Um...no, I don't think so.

Butt-head

Why not? Have you ever used your nads for anything?

Beavis

Not really. No, I guess not.

Butt-head

Don't your nads just, like, get in the way all the time and hurt when they get kicked and stuff?

Beavis

Yeah, I guess so.

Butt-head

Then why not just cut 'em off and see what happens?

Beavis

Let me just wait a minute, because I might need 'em for doing it.

Butt-head

Beavis, that's what your wiener's for, you don't need your nads for that.

Beavis

Oh yeah. Are you trying to trick me, Butt-head?

Butt-head

No.

Beavis

Well, do you use your nads for anything?

Butt-head

No. [Beavis kicks Butt-head in the testicles] AAAAAAAAAUUUUHHHHHH!!! Damn it, Beavis.

Beavis

See? That's what nads are for. Bunghole.

Butt-head

Uhhh....hey Beavis. Do something, like, I dunno, something funny, or something.

Beavis

Okay. Um...let me see. Check this out. [blows a huge raspberry]

Butt-head

Uhh, that was pretty cool, but you've done that before.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! Then you do something! You think I'm just here to entertain you?

Butt-head

Settle down, Beavis.

Beavis

You think I'm just here for your amusement? You wanna do something about it?

Butt-head

Dumbass.

Butt-head

These dudes need to quit screwing around and get back to making sandwiches.

Beavis

But it is kind of a good song, like, if you kinda listen to it for a while, it is pretty cool.

Butt-head

Beavis, you bunghole! Quit talking about this video and do something funny again.

Beavis

Okay, check this out. [blows a huge raspberry]

Butt-head

That's not even funny, Beavis. You have to do it like this. [puts his finger between his lips and babbles] A-blblblblblblblblblbl.

Beavis

Oh yeah.

Butt-head

Now see, that's cool.

Beavis

Yeah, I see what you mean. Okay, check this out. [babbles] A-blblblblblblblblblbl.

Butt-head

Hey Beavis, this guy sounds like you.

Beavis

Shut up, fartknocker!

If you think that I'm a loser...

Beavis

He is a loser!

Butt-head

This guy sucks!

Push th' little daisies and make 'em come up!

Beavis

[mocking him] Push th' little pansies and make 'em come up! Push th' little pansies and make 'em come up!

Butt-head

That was cool.

Beavis

Um...this is like...um, some show, right?

Butt-head

Uh...of course it is, buttmunch! It's on TV.

Beavis

No but um...I don't think this is a video.

Butt-head

They don't play many videos anymore. It's all like...shows, and people snowboarding and stuff.

Beavis

I think this is...I think this is like, Happy Days.

Butt-head

Yeah. Crappy days.

Beavis

That was pretty funny, Butt-head. Instead of Happy Days, you called it Crappy Days.

Beavis

One, two, three, four, a shmeagol! A schlong! A zapadun incorporated!

Butt-head

We're gonna do it!

Beavis

Give us any chance, we'll take it!/Give us any rule, we'll break it! We're gonna make it/we're not gonna break it/all we need is a little bit of patience!

Butt-head

I liked this show better when that other dude owned the restaurant...that dude from The Karate Kid.

Beavis

Oh yeah. [Fake Japanese accent] Daniel-san, if answer come from inside you, always right!

Butt-head

Yeah. That dude could kick Fonzie's ass.

Beavis

Yeah. Fonzie doesn't even know karate.

Butt-head

These dudes were like...always calling each other nerds and stuff.

Beavis

Yeah, I wonder why.

Butt-head

Uh...I think that was back in the old days before they invented words like nads and buttmunch and dumbass.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Things are a lot better now.

Butt-head

Yeah, buttmunch. You know what else they were always saying? "Sit on it."

Beavis

Sit on what...? What? Oh yeah! This is a pretty cool show.

Butt-head

Rock!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah!

Butt-head

Yes!

Beavis

[sings along] You hobo fumpin' humpin', [forgets the words] ah, ah...bitch!

Butt-head

This kinda like, ah, rocks.

Beavis

Yeah, it's not bad.

Butt-head

Check out that dude in the dress. He's groovin'.

Beavis

[the lead singer can be seen looking at the crotches of several shirtless men] Whoa, check it out, Butt-head, she's inspecting their nads.

Butt-head

Yeah. You call those nads, sir? Drop and give me twenty!

Beavis

Yeah, back in line!

Butt-head

He's pretending to feel her butt.

Beavis

She won't let him feel her butt because like, he failed the nad inspection.

Beavis

Whoa! She just licked that dude's armpit!

Butt-head

Yeah. The guy with the best nads gets his armpit licked.