Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

Is this the Benny Hill Show?

Butt-head

No, there aren't any chicks in bikinis.

Beavis

Oh yeah. Hey, this is Primus! [sings] My name is M-M-M-M-M-Mud!

Butt-head

Maybe this guy will spit again.

If I had my druthers, I'd screw a chimpanzee...

Butt-head

Whoa, did you hear that? I think he just said "If I had my druthers, I'd screw a chimpanzee".

Beavis

Really? Hey Butt-head, let's go get some druthers.

Beavis

You know what this video needs, it needs like, a toilet

Butt-head

Why would they put a toilet in here, Beavis? It doesn't have anything to do with toilets. It's about...uhh...I don't know.

Beavis

I don't care.

Beavis

Whoa, check it out Butt-head, Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots. Kick 'em in the nads!

Butt-head

Robots don't have nads, dumb ass!

Beavis

Mine do. I glued 'em on. I put nads on all my action figures. I use, like, beadies and raisins and stuff.

Butt-head

That's disgusting, Beavis!

Butt-head

That looks like that dude from Deliverance.

Beavis

Remember that part with that pig?

Butt-head

That wasn't a pig, Beavis. That was Ned Beatty.

Beavis

I watched that movie seven times.

Butt-head

Me too. Squeal like a pig, boy!

Beavis

Yeah!

Butt-head

Whoa! Check out his unit!

Beavis

Whoa, this chick is flat!

Butt-head

Beavis, you see that unit?

Beavis

Yeah, yeah.

Butt-head

That means it's not a chick.

Beavis

Oh, oh yeah. I wasn't looking.

Beavis

I wonder what the most beautiful chick in the world looks like.

Butt-head

Uh, well, she has to be naked.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. And she'd have to have boobs.

Butt-head

Uhh, yeah. It'd also be cool if she had a butt, too.

Beavis

Yeah! That would rule! And also like, if her butt was naked!

Butt-head

Uhh, yeah. Well, you know, when I said she'd have to be naked, I meant, you know, down there.

Beavis

Yeah, really.

Butt-head

You know Beavis, I was looking at your mom naked once.

Beavis

Really? How come you were naked?

Butt-head

No, Beavis! Your mom was naked.

Beavis

Oh yeah.

Butt-head

You know how Prince is searching for the most beautiful chick in the world?

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

Well, he doesn't need to go anywhere near your house.

Beavis

Shut up, butthole! I'm sick of you badmouthing my mom!

Butt-head

[chuckles] Mouthing?

Beavis

[laughs] Oh yeah, mouthing! Bad mouthing!

Butt-head

Cool! This sounds pretty cool.

Beavis

Yeah! It kicks, BUTT! Hey, check out the skull.

Butt-head

That's not a skull, Beavis. That's just like, a really ugly dude.

Butt-head

I wish, like, in school, they would teach something practical, like, heavy metal.

Beavis

Yeah! They should have, like, "Heavy Metal Choir"!

Butt-head

Yeah!

Beavis

UP-UP-URAGH UP-UP-UH-UH-UH-UH-RRRAAAAGGHHH!!!

Butt-head

This is cool.

Beavis

Yeah! This video has cool looking stuff in it.

Butt-head

Yeah. Even though it's not on the screen long enough to see what it is, you could still tell it's cool.

Butt-head

Y'know what makes this band COOL?

Beavis

Yeah! Ah, uh, I mean, what?

Butt-head

They have two dudes who are good screamers, and they like, take turns screaming.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! "PROVE YOU WRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNGGG!!!!!!" Yeah!

Butt-head

Screaming is cool!

Beavis

Yeah! "AAAAAAAAARRRRAAAAAAAAGGHHH, PROVE YOU WRONG, AGHAGAHA!!!!!"

Butt-head

That guy has a disease.

Beavis

Yeah. He's got wussy-itis.

Butt-head

First it causes your hair to turn red, then your butt falls off.

Butt-head

Hey Beavis. Have you ever had an operation?

Beavis

Yeah, heh heh. I had my tonsils removed.

Butt-head

Woah. That means you were neutered, dude.

Beavis

No way. Really?

Butt-head

Dude, that's what they do when they remove your testicles.

Beavis

Heh...cool.

Butt-head

(Scoffs) Happiness.

Beavis

Um...you said penis. I just thought I'd tell you that.

Butt-head

I know! Why do you think they call it happiness?

Beavis

Oh yeah! Because when you're weiner's happy, you're happy.