Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

THIS GUY'S A GOOD DANCER, HUH, BUTT-HEAD??

Butt-head

YEAH! HE'S PRETTY COOL!!

Beavis

IT'S LIKE, HE'S A GOOD DANCER, AND HE SINGS PRETTY COOL, AND HE, LIKE ROCKS!!

Butt-head

SHUT UP, BEAVIS!! I'M TRYING TO LISTEN!!

Beavis

OH YEAH, ME TOO, I'M TRYING TO LISTEN TOO!!

Beavis

HEY BUTT-HEAD, WILL THE TV GO UP ANY LOUDER??

Butt-head

LET ME SEE!! [presses the volume button on the remote to find it is at maximum level] UHH, I THINK THAT'S AS LOUD AS IT GOES!!

Beavis

DAMN IT!! WE NEED TO GET A LOUDER TV!!

Butt-head

LET'S GET CLOSER TO THE TV!!

Beavis

YEAH, OKAY!! NOW IT'S HURTING MY EYES AND MY EARS!!

Butt-head

YEAH!! THIS IS COOL!!

Butt-head

Yes!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah!

Butt-head

Pantera kicks everybody's ass.

WRONG!!!

Butt-head

[imitates Anselmo's singing style] HUH HUH HUH HUUUUUUUUHHHHH!!!

Beavis

Keep singing, Butt-head, that was pretty good. Go on, do it again.

Butt-head

Uhh, okay. [imitates Anselmo's singing style] I BEEN WRONG FOR FAR TOO LONG!!!

Beavis

Yeah yeah! Right on, man. Rock!

Butt-head

This singer looks pretty mean.

Beavis

Do you think he gets all the chicks?

Butt-head

Probably not. I bet he, like, scares chicks.

Beavis

The only thing cooler than bands that get lots of chicks are bands that scare chicks.

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, does this Pantera guy ever relax?

Butt-head

Uhh, I don't think so. This guy's dad must have kicked his ass when he was a kid.

Beavis

Yeah, really. He was like, "Dammit Pantera, this beer is warm! Get me another one!"

Butt-head

Yeah. He was like, "You treat your stepmother with respect, Pantera! Or you'll be sleeping in the street!"

Beavis

He's like, "Dammit Pantera, I told you to get out there and mow that lawn! Oh, what's this? Is that a tear, Pantera? Oh, is daddy's little girl upset? I'm gonna kick your ass into next Tuesday, now get outta here! And quit acting like a damn little girl!"

Beavis

Ummm, is this one of those sneaker ads where like, those basketball players sit around in a barber shop?

Butt-head

Uhhh, yeah. Only it's, like, a bunch of white guys. And white music.

Beavis

Yeah. It's "BUTT-WIPE" music! Hey, where'd that cat come from?

Butt-head

Uhhh, I think it came out his nose.

Beavis

Um, is that supposed to be funny?

Butt-head

Uhh, it's supposed to be. It would have been funny if it came out of his butt!

Beavis

Why is that, I mean, how come it like, if it comes out of his nose, it's not that funny, but like, if it comes out of his butt, it's funny? Why is that?

Butt-head

Well, it's 'cause like, your butt has a crack in it.

Beavis

Oh yeah!

Beavis

I hate it when you go to the barber, and it's like, he starts cutting your hair and then he goes: "Soooo, how's school?"

Butt-head

Yeah. I usually say: "It sucks. Now shut up and cut my hair before I stick that comb up your butt!"

Beavis

You know, Butt-head, um, maybe that's why you get all those sucky hair cuts, y'know? Maybe you should try being a little nicer, yeah.

Butt-head

Beavis, I'm gonna shove a comb up your butt! My hair looks cool!

Butt-head

Oh no, it's another one of these. [Beavis groans] They need to try harder.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, it's like, they're not even trying! Come on, come on! I want you to start over again, and this time, try! Come on, let's go, pick it up, come on, come on, here we go! Come on, one, two, three, four, yeah, come on! Come on, rock!

Butt-head

This is just horrible.

Beavis

If you're gonna be horrible, at least, like, you know, kick ass! You know, like Jesus Lizard! I mean, they suck, but they kick ass!

Butt-head

I think these guys are just lazy.

Beavis

Yeah, really. They're too lazy to rock, and they're too lazy to clean the tub.

Butt-head

These guys are so lazy, they probably take a dump in the tub.

Beavis

Heh, I do that sometimes. Poop!

Butt-head

You poop in the tub?

Beavis

Yeah. And then sometimes, I just pee all over the whole bathroom. Pee pee pee pee pee!

Butt-head

You're disgusting, Beavis!

Beavis

Heheh, yeah.

Beavis

You know, um, I have to say, um, I kind of like this song.

Butt-head

Uh... okay, Beavis.

Beavis

Yeah! Sometimes, um, if I'm not feeling to good about myself, I'll like, put this song on and like, put some fireworks in my pants, and I start to feel better.

Butt-head

Uh, do you light the fireworks?

Beavis

Well, yeah, I tried, but everytime I put the lighter down there, in my pants, it just goes out. I need longer fuses or something. Like a longer lighter.

Butt-head

You're a dumbass, Beavis.

You don't have to feel like a waste of space...

Beavis

My guidance counselor said the same thing, you know, I don't have to feel like a waste of space, but when Katy Perry says it, she has fireworks coming out of her boobs, kind of uh, kind of gives me a special feeling, you know what I'm saying?

Butt-head

Yeah, except Katy Perry's not talking about you, Beavis. She's talking about that Dove model by the pool. You are a waste of space.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head.

Butt-head

You're more like that part of the song before where she's talking about the plastic bag floating around, but like, if it floated into a trash can, and then a bunch of stinky homeless dudes peed all over it.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head!

Butt-head

You're not a firework.

Beavis

DAMMIT BUTT-HEAD! SHUT UP! [Kicks Butt-head in the testicles] I am a firework!

Butt-head

[in agony] Dammit, Beavis...

Beavis

I'm an M-80.

Butt-head

Hey, that's that kid from that Losing My Religion video.

Beavis

Yeah, but I thought he got shot with an arrow or something.

Butt-head

Yeah. Dumbass.

Beavis

Yeah, really.

It's good to get high...

Butt-head

It's good to get high?

Beavis

What kind of message is that sending?