Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Whoa! This is kinda freaky.

Beavis

Yeah, see what I mean?

Butt-head

This is one of those art school chicks that like, you could score with them if you told them all their ideas were really good.

Beavis

Yeah! Yeah, that's probably how she made this video! Just like, got some rich guy, and told him all her ideas were really good, and he's like, "ooh, yeah."

Butt-head

Yeah. She's like, "uh... I want a unicorn, but then I'm gonna tear the horn off and put it on my head."

Beavis

Ooh, very good! Yeah.

Butt-head

Have another drink and continue.

Beavis

And then, I also want my brother to tap dance. He's really good.

Butt-head

The rich guy's probably like, "uh... these are all great ideas, but uh... I think it would be really like, uh, really empowering if you took off your clothes and jumped off a cliff." And he's like "if you want, I can help you become a citizen."

Beavis

Yeah, I don't think I can help your brother though.

Butt-head

This is why hot girls shouldn't keep a dream journal.

Beavis

Oh, boy.

Butt-Head

Is this one of those beer commercials?

Beavis

Yea, this is that one where that dude goes out in the desert, and then he opens up the beer and it starts snowing....."Step out of the old, and into the cold"...

Butt-Head

Uhh..."Nothing Beats a Butt!"

Butt-head

How come Donny's the only dude with his shirt on?

Beavis

'Cause he's a wuss.

Butt-head

He probably has saggy pecs.

Butt-head

Did you know their dad, Lee Harvey Osmond, like, killed one of the presidents or something?

Beavis

Yeah, and I heard the whole Osmond family is a bunch of morons!

Butt-head

That's Mormons, buttwipe! Those are those dudes that come up to your house in bicycles.

Beavis

Oh yeah! Is this the Moron Tabernacle Choir?

Butt-head

Yeah. I hate this moron music.

Beavis

Hey, check it out, it's those "Black Hole Sun" mountains!

Butt-head

Oh yeah. I heard about that, it's like, there's these hills outside Seattle, and they call 'em the Black Hole Sun mountains. And it's like, they're just filled with bands and stuff.

Beavis

Whoa, really? That'd be cool if you could, like, take like a bus tour through the hills and see all the bands.

Butt-head

Yeah, that would kick ass! It'd be like: "Up on your left is Soundgarden".

Beavis

Yeah, yeah: "And if you be real quiet, we might see Alice in Chains!"

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

"And, if you be real quiet, you might be able to see these buttmunches!"

Butt-head

Church.

Beavis

Yeah, church rules! Cuz like, there's always, like, snakes in church, and like, chicks getting it on, and like, dude's bleeding, and lots of guitars and stuff. Church rules!

Butt-head

Beavis, what the hell are you talking about? That's not what happens in church! You've never even been to church.

Beavis

I know, but I've seen it in videos and stuff, and like, there's always lots of smoke and snakes, and like, cool stuff.

Butt-head

Beavis, church isn't like that. I went to church once, and it's like, there was a bunch of buttmunches strumming guitars going: "Here we are, all together as we sing our song joyfully!"

Beavis

Yeah? Well, that song's pretty cool.

Butt-head

No it's not, Beavis. It sucks! And then it's like, you have to go up and like, this guy puts a cracker in your mouth and like, sprays water on you and stuff.

Beavis

Really? Well that sounds cool too! Yeah.

Butt-head

Uh, yeah I guess it is kind of cool.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, yeah, see, see? That's not that bad! "Here we are, alltogether as we sing our song..."

"...joyfully! Keep the fire burning and kindle it with care. And we'll all join in and sing!"

Beavis

Yeah, sounds pretty cool!

Beavis

Whoa! A flying skull. That's cool!

Butt-head

Yeah. It's too bad this music sucks.

Butt-head

Look at this guy!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! This, SUCKS!

Beavis

Hey, it's that flying skull again. That flying skull rules.

Butt-head

Yeah. He oughta, like, fly away and go into a video that doesn't suck.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, or he could, like, start his own show.

Butt-head

Yeah. I would watch it!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, me too!

Hello from the gutter!

Beavis

What's he saying?

Butt-head

Uh, I think he's saying "yellow butter".

Beavis

Oh yeah.

Welcome to the gutter! We've been expecting you! AHAHAHAHAHA!

Beavis

[doing a high-pitched impersonation] WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-AAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Butt-head

This dude looks like one of those drunk businessmen at those croaky-okey bars.

Beavis

Oh yeah. Remember that time we were looking in the window, and we saw that big fat slob? He was going, "I'm crazy..."

Butt-head

Then remember when that Chinese dude got up, and he sang, [mock-Chinese accent, sings] "You ain't nothing but hound dog, crying all the time"

Beavis

Oh yeah. And then he sang, [mock-Chinese accent, sings] "Love me tender, love me true, never let me go..." [mock-Chinese gibberish] Taekwondo, better than Thai boxing!

Butt-head

He didn't say that, Beavis!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Beavis

Turn it up, Butt-head, turn it up! Come on!

Butt-head

Okay Beavis. Don't cop that attitude with me. [turns the volume down]

Beavis

No, no, that's the wrong way, Butt-head, come on!

Butt-head

Oh. [turns the volume up as loud as it can go] Here we go.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, kick some ass!

Butt-head

Rock, rock, rock!

Beavis

Yeah! Yeah!

Beavis

[trying to yell above the noise] HEY BUTT-HEAD, THIS IS COOL, HUH?!

Butt-head

UHH, WHAT DID YOU SAY, BEAVIS?

Beavis

I SAID THIS IS COOL, HUH, IT ROCKS!!

Butt-head

UHH, WHAT?

Beavis

YEAH, YEAH!!