Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

Whoa, check it out. That room is cool. I think that's Kurt Cobain's bedroom. I'm gonna get my room set up like that with all, like, lit-up stars and stuff, and then, like, it's gonna be cool.

Butt-head

No you're not. You're never gonna get your room fixed up like that, and you're never gonna score.

Beavis

Shut up!

Butt-head

You're just gonna sit around for the rest of your life, spanking your monkey.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! I am too gonna fix my room up! Butthole!

Is this like, grudge music?

Beavis

Grudge music is that stuff that guys from Seattle play. Where is Seattle? Hey Butthead, where's Seattle?

You don't know? It's that place where like stuff is really cool.

Hello, hello, hello, hello...

Beavis

Hello? Hello? Hello, may I help you?

Butt-head

Hi. I'm your tour guide. Welcome to Wuss Gardens.

Beavis

It was here that George Washington first chopped off his wiener. And then he lied.

An anchor!

Butt-head

[mocking their accents] Like an ankaa.

Beavis

Like an ankaa!

Butt-head

An ankaa.

Beavis

It's pronounced anchor! Anchor! Can you say that? Err! Err! Dumbass. Ank-err!

What you say should be from your own mind...

Butt-head

What you say should be from your own mind? That's stupid.

Beavis

Yeah really, because like, sometimes I can't hear all those voices in my mind, you know, and...wait a minute, Butt-head, I'm getting something. Mm-hm? Yeah? Butt-head, I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back. [exits, jabbers in Cornholio-style gibberish]

Butt-head

Hey Beavis! Come here! This sucks!

Beavis

Hang on a second, I'll be right out! [jabbers in Cornholio-style gibberish]

Beavis

Uh oh. I think it's one of those TV preachers.

Butt-head

Dammit Beavis, you'd better not send him all our money again.

Beavis

Sometimes I can't help myself. It's like, I start going "I know that's right. Hallelujah." And then I'm on the phone, and I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, here's all my money!"

Butt-head

Yeah, but it's like, you send him all your money and you're still just a dumbass with a lot of problems.

Beavis

Hey, you're right. [angry] Dammit! I got ripped off!

Elvis is in your jeans!

Butt-head

Elvis is in our jeans?

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, check this out...Elvis has left my jeans!

Butt-head

Dammit Beavis, if you pull your pants down one more time I'm gonna beat the crap outta you!

Beavis

[impersonating Elvis] Thank you very much.

Butt-head

Hey Beavis, while you were fiddling with your wiener, I think he said that Elvis is like, in Joan Rivers.

Beavis

Whoa, really? That'd be cool. [impersonating Joan Rivers] Can we talk? I've got Elvis inside me!

Butt-head

Beavis, that doesn't sound anything like her.

Beavis

Oh. [impersonating Elvis] Thank you very much.

Beavis

Check it out, Butt-head, go-karts!

Butt-head

Go-karts rule.

Beavis

When I'm old, instead of a car, I'm gonna have a go-kart! [imitates an engine] Brrrrrffffftttt!!!

Butt-head

Ew! That was disgusting!

Beavis

Yeah really. That shouldn't show that kind of stuff on TV! Kids might be watching.

Beavis

Hey, it's that dude from Damn Yankees!

Butt-head

Oh yeah. Once I saw on MTV News that this dude likes to take, like, a bow and arrow and go like, shoot animals with it.

Beavis

No way, really? Doesn't he get in trouble?

Butt-head

No, I think it's okay. I think he can do that because he's like one of those, uh...Republicans.

Beavis

Really? I wanna become a Republican! That would rule!

Butt-head

But then like, I think once you become a Republican, it's like, you don't score anymore.

Beavis

Oh well. I guess I'll just keep being a Mexican, then.

Butt-head

They should chop other people's heads off in videos. That would be cool.

Beavis

Yeah, like in that Neil Diamond video. That's where they should be doing this!

Butt-head

He's trying to look all scary.

Beavis

He's probably gonna go to jail someday.

Butt-head

Well, that was pretty good, I guess.

Beavis

At least it was gruesome.

Butt-head

You like this.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! No I don't!

Butt-head

Beavis, I just saw you tapping your foot.

Beavis

She's making me nervous! It's like, freaking me out. Sometimes I tap my foot when I'm nervous. And sometimes I, you know, hum along too.