Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Whoa! This song's about like, some chick doing it with like, some other chick's boyfriend.

Beavis

Yeah! That's pretty harsh.

Butt-head

Yeah. So like, this chick will only do yo if you like, already have a girlfriend...?

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! A lot of chicks are like that. They don't wanna go out with you unless you already have a girlfriend...but like, you can't get a girlfriend because you don't have a girlfriend...so it's like...struss-frating.

Beavis

Dammit, what's going on here? This chick is talking! Is this a commercial or a video? What is this?!

Butt-head

Beavis, just shut up, and like...free your mind or something.

Beavis

I wanna know what it is...like, I can't pay attention to this!

Butt-head

Dammit Beavis, can't you just like...cool out and listen?

Beavis

Dammit Butt-head, what kind of crap are you talking? You sound like a damn hippie!

Butt-head

Beavis, I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that. I'm not gonna smack you today.

Butt-head

Maps.

Beavis

Yeah, remember that time that guy came into Burger World 'cause he was lost? And you, like, drew a map with, like, ketchup and french fries and pickles!

Butt-head

Oh yeah. I was just making stuff up!

Beavis

Yeah, you were like, "Okay, you see, you go right down here and then you turn left, and then see this pickle, this is like a big building".

Butt-head

Yeah. He believed me!

Beavis

He was like goin': "Uh huh, okay, uh hmm".

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, you know like sometimes when we get rides home, you know it's like, a lot of dude's, and they're all stuffed in the back seat like that?

Butt-head

Uh, yeah?

Beavis

Um, is it normal to get wood?

Butt-head

Beavis, you boner popping pervert! It's not even normal to ask!

Beavis

Oh, okay!

Beavis

Whoa, is this a demolition derby?

Butt-head

Uh, yeah! I think it is. Demolition derbies kick ass!

Beavis

Yeah, yeeeeeaaaaahhhh! Y'know, I can't think of anything, that kicks as much ass, as a demolition derby! Yeah!

Butt-head

Yeah. Does your mom still go out to Sunset Speedway and watch those?

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, yeah! "SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY! SUNSET SPEEDWAY PRESENTS THE DUKES OF DIRT, DERBYYYYY! THE BARONS OF FAST, THE KINGS OF CRASH, IT'S A SMASH UP DERBY SPECTACULAR, WITH CHILLS, THRILLS, AND BONE CRUNCHING SPILLS! Ticket price pays for the whole seat, BUT YOU'LL ONLY NEED THE EEEEDDDDDDGGGEEEE! WHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"

Butt-head

Shut up, Beavis. Your voice is too high to do that. [in a very high pitched voice] "Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!"

Beavis

Shut up, butthole! Check this out, [in a deeper voice] "Sunday, Sunday, Sundaaayyyy!"

Butt-head

You have a high voice, Beavis!

Beavis

SHUT UP, BUTT-HEAD, I don't talk like that!

Beavis

Cool! Fire! Fire! FIRE!!!

Butt-head

What's wrong with you, Beavis? This sucks. Just because you have fire in your video doesn't mean you're cool.

Beavis

Yeah, but the fire itself is pretty cool.

Butt-head

No way, Beavis. Vince Neil's a wuss.

Butt-head

Mötley Crüe fired this dude.

Beavis

They fired him. FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!

Butt-head

Tommy Lee should have shoved a drumstick up his butt.

Beavis

Yeah. That would've been cool.

She's a knockdown, drag it out, pick it up, do it again...

Beavis

She's a knockdown, drag it out, pick it up, do it again...?

Butt-head

What does that mean? Who writes this crap?

Beavis

Yeah. This sucks.

Butt-head

Those drums sound cool.

Beavis

Yeah. [Imitates drum sound]

Butt-head

Shut up, Beavis! I wonder what that drummer's listening to.

Beavis

He's probably listening to Pantera.

Butt-head

Yeah. Okay dude, get started. Put down your arms and start singing!

Beavis

Yes! Yes!

Butt-head

Rock! [Beavis and Butt-head do their signature headbanging]

Butt-head

Where do these guys get these shiny pants?

Beavis

Yeah, really. I went into a store once and asked for some shiny pants, and they kicked my ass out of there.

Butt-head

Uh...I think you like just take regular pants and you like, have them shined.

Beavis

Oh really? But I do shine my pants.

Butt-head

You said douche.

Beavis

Really? Oh yeah. I douche-ine my pants.

Butt-head

[During the bridge of the song] This part of the song sucks.

Beavis

Yeah, really.

Butt-head

These guys need to just concentrate on rocking.

Beavis

Yeah, really. Rock! Rock!

Butt-head

[Bridge of song ends] Yeah. That's more like it.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, yeah! There you go.

Butt-head

This guy keeps on like, stumbling around and stuff.

Beavis

Yeah, it's like, I don't think he's having a very good day.

Butt-head

I think he's just drunk off his ass.

Beavis

[Reznor presses against keyboard] Hey, get your hand off his keyboard, butthole!

Butt-head

Yeah. These guys need to practice more.

Beavis

Yeah. They weren't very well prepared for this video.

Butt-head

[Farts towards the quiet end of song]

Beavis

Thank you very much, we're Nine Inch Nails.

Butt-head

Good night!

Butt-head

Yes! Nirvana rules.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, this is cool! But, um, you know, this is cool and everything, but's it's like uh, this video's been giving me nightmares, Butt-head.

Butt-head

Cool. I wish I had nightmares about this video.

Beavis

I know Butt-head, these are pretty scary. I'ts like, I had this dream, that I'm like, Santa Claus, and I'm, like, on a cross, and there's these crows, like, picking at me. AAAHHH!!

Butt-head

Cool! I wish I had nightmares about this video!

Butt-head

Check it out. It's like he pulls his hair out of his eyes, but then it just falls back in his eyes.

Beavis

So what? You got a problem with that?

Butt-head

Yeah.