Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

[without emotion] Ha ha ha ha ha.

Beavis

Ha ha ha ha. [sees the band] AAAHHH!! OH NO, IS THIS GRIM REAPER?! OH, GOD! OH, DAMMIT!

Butt-head

UH!

Beavis

AAH! What was that? Was that a bulldog?

Butt-head

I think it was a Shih Tzu.

Beavis

Yeah. [In Cornholio accent] A Shih Tzu! Doggie poo!

Butt-head

You know, maybe if they put more suck bands in prison, people would like, you know, try to stay out of prison.

Beavis

Maybe it would have a, um...positive, um, effect on, um, generations of the youth.

Butt-head

Beavis, quit trying to sound smart.

Beavis

Oh yeah. Um...actually, um...I think they all should just get the chair. Including Grim Reaper.

Butt-head

He's got a fat little face.

Beavis

Yeah. He's got a fat bloated face that you get when you eat too many urinal mints.

Butt-head

Uh...what are you talking about, Beavis?

Beavis

You know, those round things that are there, you know, so you can freshen up after you take a leak.

Butt-head

Beavis, you're not supposed to eat those!

Beavis

Oh yeah. I know, I was just kidding.

Butt-head

Dumbass!

Butt-head

Is this Spinal Tap?

Beavis

Yeah, Tap is cool!

Butt-head

This isn't Spinal Tap! This sucks!

Beavis

Yeah, this sucks!

Butt-head

Where'd these guys get their clothes?

Beavis

I think they bought them at that rock and roll store at the mall.

Beavis

Didn't these guys play at the state fair last year?

Butt-head

Yeah. They won a blue ribbon in the pig contest.

Beavis

Eh heh heh, yeah, heh heh. Because he's fat!

Beavis

AAAAAAAHHHHH! Shut up! Shut up!

Butt-head

Yeah. Shut up!

Beavis

You suck!

Butt-head

Stop in the name of all that which does not suck!

Butt-head

This is what it's all about.

Beavis

It's like, you watch all these videos, you watch TV, everything sucks, and then something like this comes on, and it's like, it's cool!

Beavis

It's like, you have to watch TV for hours and hours and hours before you see this video, but it's like, when you do it's all worth it.

Butt-head

It sure is. You know what they should do? They should, like, tell you what time the video's like in TV Guide or something.

Beavis

That would be cool. But then it's like, you'd still have to like, watch for hours and hours and hours until it came on.

Butt-head

No you wouldn't, Beavis! It's like, if they say it's gonna be on like, at eleven o'clock or something, then like, you know when it's gonna be on.

Beavis

Yeah, but like, if it's like, six o'clock, then it's like, you have to keep watching it, because it's not on.

Butt-head

Uhh...oh yeah. Well, at least you what time it's on, though.

Beavis

So, how do you know what time it is?

Butt-head

Uhh, I dunno. I guess you'd have to keep watching until the video came on. Then it's like, you'd know what time it is.

Beavis

Yes, yes, GWAAAARRRR!!! Yeah, alright!

Butt-head

Cool!

Beavis

Whoa, GWAR has horns now?

Butt-head

Yeah, they taught the sex slaves to play horns. It's like Balsac told 'em - "Throwing blood and urine in the audience isn't enough. You guys need to learn how to play something".

Butt-head

I heard that one time, this kid had a seizure at a GWAR concert, and that singer dude told everybody not to help him.

Beavis

Really? Uh oh, it's happening...[convulses as if he was having a seizure]

Butt-head

I'm not gonna help you. Oderus Urungus would want it that way.

Beavis

Thanks, Butt-head.

Beavis

Um...whoa, cool! Look at that giant worm thing!

Butt-head

It's like, it eats really hot chicks, and then it takes a dump.

Beavis

Now that's a damn good show right there. [mock-Arabic accent] Yeah, yeah, yeah, they shall drown in their own blood!

Butt-head

[also imitating an Arabic accent] The streets will flow with the blood of the nonbelievers.

Beavis

The mother of all wars has begun!

Beavis

Who is this?

Butt-head

Uh...is this that Toyota Jackson chick?

Beavis

Yeah, it's like...it's Toyota Jackson dressed up like Wonder Woman.

Butt-head

Oh yeah. [reacting to video] ...Oh no.

Beavis

Yeah. No! NO!

Butt-head

Who could that be?

Beavis

Whoa, it's Geraldo!

Butt-head

Uh-oh, don't let Primus in.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, they'll trash the place. They'll BREAK stuff!

Butt-head

Yeah. My name is Mud!

Beavis

Yeah, MY NAME IS MUD! M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-MUD-MUD! And then he'd SPIT!