Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, how come I'm white?

Butt-head

Because your mom's white, dumbass.

Beavis

You know, my mom used to say it doesn't matter what color your skin is. It's like, what color your skin is on the inside that counts.

Butt-head

She's a slut.

Beavis

Oh yeah. She's a cleap slut.

Butt-head

Check it out, the Doctor's stealing a plane.

Beavis

Like, what do you do with a plane once you stole it?.

Butt-head

I guess you, like, go to the flea market or something.

Beavis

Oh really? But then, what do you do when someone says "So, where did you get this plane?"

Butt-head

I'd be like "Well, I got it from the airport." Cause they have a store there.

Beavis

Ah shut up, Butt-head. Keep that up and I'm gonna put the smackdown on yo' ass, beotch!

Butt-head

What did you say, Beavis?

Beavis

I said "Shut up". I'm gonna put the smackdown on yo' ass, beotch!

Butt-head

Beavis, your mom is a depraved worthless slut.

Beavis

Oh, yeah.

Butt-head

Aspen Extreme...

Beavis

That movie sucked! I sat through that whole damn sucky movie for two hours and that chick never got naked!

Butt-head

Yeah. It's a good thing we snuck into that movie, 'cause if we had to pay, I would have been kicking ass all over the place.

Beavis

Yeah, really. How could she not get naked, when they say "ass" right in the title?

Butt-head

Whoa. I didn't know that, like, rap dudes ski.

Beavis

Um, I don't think these are real rap dudes, Butt-head.

Butt-head

Yeah. They thought if they, like, went to a ski resort, that they'd be sure no real rap dudes would find them and beat the crap out of 'em.

Beavis

It's the only place they're safe! They probably, like, sit around the corner, and like, have their, like, big 40 ouncers of hot chocolate.

Butt-head

Yeah. No chicks, no butts.

Beavis

Get me some marshmallows, bee-otch! Change the channel, Butt-head, I've had enough of this.

Butt-head

Okay, I think it's over though.

Beavis

Ohhh, good it's over. [the song doesn't end] No, no.

Butt-head

Uh, now it's over.

Beavis

Oh, okay now it's over. Ahhhhhhhh! Oh no. Damn it! Come on, change it Butt-head, this song's never gonna end!

Butt-head

What a bunch of, buttmunches!

Beavis

Who is this chick?

Butt-head

Uh...I don't know. She looks like some chick you'd see hanging out in K-Mart.

Beavis

Um...I think I've seen this chick before.

Butt-head

Yeah. She did Prince.

Beavis

Oh, really? Well, at least that's something.

Butt-head

You know, they don't have to keep showing her face just because she's singing.

Beavis

Yeah, really. Like, move down and show her butt or something.

Butt-head

Yeah!

Butt-head

Look at this stupid stuff she keeps doing with her face.

Beavis

Yeah. This chick is pretty dumb.

Butt-head

Yeah, and she's probably a slut too.

Beavis

Why do you think this chick like, dresses up like a slut?

Butt-head

Prince makes sure that all his women look like sluts.

Beavis

Oh, yeah. That's one thing I like about him.

Butt-head

Yeah. He has a vision.

Beavis

Yeah, me too. Someday, all of the girls in the world will come all onto me.

Beavis

Um, is that Christ?

Butt-Head

Uh, what language is he speaking? Uh, I think it's Mexican.

Beavis

Um, you know Butt-Head, you really shouldn't say that, seriously. Come on. You know better than that.

Butt-Head

Uh, oh yeah. It's Spanish.

Beavis

Wow. So Jesus can speak Spanish? That's uh, that's pretty impressive you know, because it's not easy to learn a second language. Not anybody can do that.

Butt-Head

It is a miracle.

Beavis

Yeah, that Christ is something else. I didn't know he had it in him, you know?

Butt-Head

Yeah. He may look like a bum, but he can do a lot.

Beavis

[as prisoners try to escape prison] Wow, they really hate this song.

Butt-Head

These people would rather get shot than listen to him anymore.

Beavis

Alright! A chick band. Look at all these naked dudes! They're just like sitting there! What's going on?

Butt-head

Yeah. Look, you can see that one dude's nutsack!

Beavis

Look, a buttcheek! A schlong! A nad!

Butt-head

Those are just hands, Beavis. That's not his nads, his nutsack or his buttcheeks.

Beavis

I don't know. You know, this is kind of messed up. It's like, they have all these dudes there, and like, they don't even think of them like people. They're just there, like they're these things for these chicks to look at and get off on, it's like, it's disgusting! This band should be ashamed of the way they're treating men, and um, and uh, these men shouldn't have the uh, they should not be in this video!

Butt-head

Uh, well...if these chicks asked you to get naked and be in their video, would you do it?

Beavis

Uh, yeah! But that's different; see, but then it would be me, and I'd be naked. That would rule.

Beavis

How come whenever you see a chick band, they're always looking down at their hands when they play?

Butt-head

Maybe they're looking at their boobs; did you ever think of that?

Beavis

Oh yeah. I guess I would look at my boobs too.

Butt-head

These chicks are pretty cool. They just have a bunch of naked dudes around so they can use them whenever they need it.

Beavis

Yeah. Some bands have a bunch of water bottles and stuff around so if they get thirsty, but these chicks just like, keep naked dudes. That rules--you know, for a chick.

Butt-head

It's a pretty good idea. You'll probably see a lot more bands doing that now.

Beavis

Is this a commercial?

Butt-head

Yeah, it's a commercial for MTV's House of Butt.

Butt-head

Uh! This sucks!

Beavis

Yeah! AAAAHHHH! It's like, it sucks!

Butt-head

This is horrible.

Beavis

Yeah, and it sucks too.

Butt-head

Beavis, "sucks" isn't strong enough a word to describe this crap.

Beavis

Yeah, it's like it sucks...a lot.