Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

What the hell is this dude saying? He's like, saying "Fried egg, fried egg, fried egg,"

Beavis

Fried...[coughs]...fried egg, fried, [coughs] fried egg...

Beavis

Whoa, is that Ross Perot?

Butt-head

Yeah. I think that's Ross Perot from a long time ago.

Beavis

Oh yeah. [imitating Ross Perot] Folks, it's simple. When a problem comes along, you must whip it!

Butt-head

He looks like some sort of bungsnoidial buttsnoid.

Beavis

[singing along] Now whip it!/Into shape!/Shape it up!/Get it straight!/Go forward!/Move ahead!/Try to detect it!/It's not too late!/[starts going out of time with the song]To whip it!/Into shape!/Shape it, uh...[realizes he is singing out of time]...go forward...move ahead, try to detect it...

Butt-head

That sucked, Beavis.

Beavis

Well, at least I tried. You just sit there on your ass and make me do all the work.

Butt-head

Check out those hats.

Beavis

Those are cool. You can stack one inside the other and you can have like all different colors, you know? It's like you can wear one one day and another the other day and like put 'em on your head y'know? And they can like protect you from like harmful rays.

Butt-head

Beavis, you're a damn weirdo.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head. I'm not from here, you know.

Beavis

Whoa, check out that tornado!

Butt-head

That's not a tornado, that's that Tasmanian Devil dude.

Beavis

Oh yeah, he kicks ass. Did you ever see that time he beat Bugs Bunny upside the head with a shovel?

Butt-head

Yeah. I like the one where they grab Elmer Fudd by the head, and form through a knothole in a fence, and then beat him in the head over and over again with a shovel.

Beavis

Oh yeah. That's kinda harsh, Butt-head.

Butt-head

Yeah. Cartoons are cool.

Beavis

Alright, golf. Yeah, I'm up for this.

Butt-head

Check this out. [quiet voice] He's teeing off...he's using his woody.

Beavis

[quiet voice] He's trying to get a bunghole in one.

Butt-head

We can see some dork riding a tricycle down the street. He's in the rough.

Beavis

Whoa, look a fight! Yeah, yeah, hit him!

Butt-head

If they had fights in golf, maybe it would be cool.

Beavis

Yeah, then maybe I could watch it.

Butt-head

You watch golf all the time, Beavis.

Beavis

Oh yeah. Golf is cool.

Butt-head

Check this out. [quiet voice] It looks like he's gonna use his nine-iron to smash the big fat dead guy's face in.

Beavis

[quiet voice] That's right, Butt-head. I think what he's planning on doing, is smashing his glasses in, and shoving the nine-iron up his bunghole.

Butt-head

It looks straight...oh, he's in the water! That'll cost him a stroke.

Beavis

That's right, Butt-head. Oh, I don't believe it! He's gonna actually try to, it looks like it's gonna go...

Butt-head

[raises voice to normal volume] You can't do it, Beavis. Shut up.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head. You weren't that good.

Butt-head

You're not good at anything.

Beavis

Check this out. [quiet voice] That's right, Butt-head, that's gonna cost him two strokes. He's probably gonna...dammit! Dammit!

Butt-head

See, Beavis, you can't do it. [quiet voice] Beavis is a complete wuss. He's not good at anything. His mom is a slut.

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, whose trailer is that?

Butt-head

Uhh...it kinda looks like my Uncle Mike's.

Beavis

Really? He has all those butterflies and crap on it?

Butt-head

No, you're thinking of my Grandma's trailer.

Beavis

Oh yeah. Your Grandma's a slut.

Butt-head

I know. So what?

Butt-head

Uhh...is this Sesame Street?

Beavis

Oh yeah, that looks like, uh...Grover.

Butt-head

You probably watch Sesame Street.

Beavis

No. I used to watch it when I was a kid. And sometimes, when Sesame Street on Ice comes to town, sometimes I go check that out.

Butt-head

You wussy!

Beavis

[sings] One of these things is not like the other/One of these things just doesn't, uh, belong...

Beavis

You know the guy that comes out, and he goes "Twelve chocolate cakes", and then he, like, falls on his butt, and the cakes spill all over the place? That was pretty cool.

Butt-head

Oh yeah. That was kinda cool.

Butt-head

Whoa! I've never seen a puppet with hooters like that.

Beavis

Those are some big boobs.

Butt-head

They probably have this chick on the show to teach kids the number 2.

Beavis

I'd say this puppet chick right here is one of the top three muppets that I would do.

Butt-head

Really? Who else would you do, Beavis?

Beavis

Well, Miss Piggy's kinda hot.

Butt-head

That fat pig?

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! I like 'em with a little meat on their bones.

Butt-head

CROTCH STUFFING!

Beavis

Let's try that.

Butt-head

Yeah, maybe we would get some.

Beavis

Some what?

Butt-head

Dude.

Beavis

Nice organ lick.

Butt-head

Organ lick?

Butt-head

These guys are hippies.

Beavis

I hate hippies.

Butt-head

These are like sports bleepers.

Beavis

Sports suck!

Butt-head

This is like circus music.

Beavis

Yeah, this sucks!

Word up, this is Dr. Dre.

Beavis

Yeah yeah, it's Dre! Check it out, it's Dre! Droppin' plates on yo' ass, beotch!

Butt-head

Yeah! The D-R-E, out on a robbin' spree. A straight G.

Beavis

Um, you don't do that very good, Butt-head. It's like this: The D-R-E! A straight G!