Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

How come this guy won't look at the camera?

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, come on! Look at the camera!

Butt-head

Yeah! That pisses me off.

Beavis

Yeah! It's like, when you try to get a cat to look at itself in the mirror, and it's like, it won't look at itself, it like, looks up and down and everything, you say LOOK AT YOURSELF! LOOK AT YOURSELF! NOW, NOW! And it's like, it just won't do it.

Beavis

(Imitating Robert Smith) Peter Piper picked a pickle of peckled peppers! Peter Piper Picked a pickled pecker!

Butt-head

How come this guy always has to like, sing like, [wails] uhuuuhuuuuuuhhhhhh!

Butt-head

His lipstick's on crooked.

Beavis

Yeah, he didn't do a very good job.

Butt-head

[Wails in imitation again] Uhuuuhuuuuuuhhhhhh!

Beavis

If he didn't do that, it's like, he'd be better.

Butt-head

Yeah. Or like, if he didn't have the makeup and he didn't sing like that, then he'd be pretty cool.

Beavis

Yeah, he can keep the caterpillars too. That'd be pretty cool.

Butt-head

Ugh! Is this a joke?

Beavis

Yeah. I think this is supposed to be funny.

Butt-head

Hey, check it out, it's Jeremy.

Beavis

He's still running. How come Jeremy's always hanging out in the woods?

Butt-head

Uh, I don't know.

Beavis

[mocking the singer] YYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Butt-head

I think I saw this dude in Burger World, once.

Beavis

Yeah. [screaming] I'D LIKE TWO TACOS, PLEEEEEEAAAAAAAASSSEEE!!!! AND A SMALL ORDER OF FRIIIIIIIEEEESSSSS!!! TO GOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Butt-head

That was pretty good, Beavis. You suck almost as much as this dude.

Butt-head

Look at this guy. Did I mention that this sucks?

Beavis

Yeah, but it's like, you know, it can't hurt to say it again.

Butt-head

"Plop". "Plop".

Beavis

"Plop, plop!"

Butt-head

This must be, like, some kind of toilet of the future.

Beavis

Yeah, it's like, they use kitty litter.

Butt-head

Yeah, I'm a water man, myself.

Beavis

I like to take a dump in the kitty box sometimes. And then, like, the cat comes and buries it for you.

Beavis

Whoa, this looks pretty cool!

Butt-head

Yeah, "The electrified forcefield has created the perfect being!" In the future, it's like, all turds will be perfectly round.

Beavis

Yeah yeah, and they will go "plop!"

Butt-head

It's like, I haven't seen Danzig on TV in awhile.

Beavis

Yeah yeah, he's been hiding out so that I can't find him and kick his ass.

Butt-head

Yeah, right! I'd like to see you try to kick Danzig's ass!

Beavis

Oh yeah. It'd probably be pretty close now, 'cause like, all that sand stuff down there, that's probably like that "pearl formula weight gain" powder stuff. He's tryin' to like, bulk up for a fight!

Butt-head

You're a butt-monkey, Beavis!

Beavis

Eh, I'm gonna kick his ass, yeah!

Beavis

Whoa, check out his eyes.

Butt-head

Uhhh, you want black eyes like that?

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, I think it would be cool!

Butt-head

Okay. [starts smacking Beavis repeatedly]

Beavis

Um, heh, one thing about this video though, that's really cool and everything, but then it just stops! Like, just, out of nowhere.

Butt-head

Uh-[the video ends]

Beavis

These guys are pretty cool, but, this lead singer looks like Patrick Swayze and he like-

Butt-head

Shut up, Beavis, these guys are cool!

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, doesn't this song have another video?

Butt-head

Yeah, this song is so good they had to do it twice.