Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

And now, the twisted Madam Olga will teach you a lesson you'll never forget.

Beavis

I think this is Tales From the Crypt! Alright. Sometimes they show boobs.

Butt-head

Uhh, I don't think so, Beavis. I don't see the Crypt Keeper.

Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah. You know that Crypt Keeper, he's got, like, wrinkled up skin and everything? I always wondered what his nutsack looked like.

Butt-head

You're a prevert, Beavis.

Beavis

Well, you know, it's probably all scary-looking. [imitating the Crypt Keeper] Nya-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa!!! Good evening, boys and ghouls!

Butt-head

Shut up, Beavis. I'm gonna kick you in the nutsack.

Beavis

Eheheheheh! Naturally! Here's a little tale from my nutsack!

Butt-head

That's enough, Beavis.

Butt-head

Hey, those are like those sunglasses your grandma wears, Beavis.

Beavis

Yeah, it's like, [imitating an old lady] "I'm going out to get some medicine and a carton of smokes. Beavis, honey, go get your grandma her sunglasses, okay?" [coughs]

Butt-head

Yeah. And then you're like, "Get 'em yourself, buttmunch!"

Beavis

Yeah, really. Get 'em yourself!

Beavis

Whoa, Butt-head! Butt-head, look at that up there! You can see something, look!

Butt-head

Yeah. There's a lot of butt wigglin' and butt snappin' and like, people sticking their butts out.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. This is what we need!

Butt-head

And then it's like, this guy's goin' around stickin' his butt out goin': "Jam it in and screw i-uuuuuuuuut! Do the ultra twee-uuuusssssst!"

Beavis

Boy, this is some nasty stuff.

Butt-head

These guys understand the importance of a good butt.

Butt-head

Whoa! This dude looks like that assistant football coach.

Beavis

Yeah. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!? DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY, BOY!!!! NOOOOOOOOOWWWW!!!!!"

Butt-head

Yeah. "WHAT KIND OF A MAN ARE YOOOOOUUUUUU?"

Beavis

"YOU LOOK LIKE A BUNCH OF GIRLS OUT THERE!!!! WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO OVER THERE AND SHAKE IT OFF AND GIVE UP RIGHT NOW?!"

Butt-head

How many fat dudes are there in this band?

Beavis

Um, uhhhhhhhh, well, there's at least, um, two.

Butt-head

Yeah. They need to get a big, fat drummer.

Beavis

Yeah, really. And like, just a couple big, fat dudes dancing around would be cool too.

Butt-head

He's having trouble defecating.

OOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! (OOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!)

Beavis

Uh, not anymore.

Butt-head

He just took a dump!

Beavis

Whoa, it's Crowbar!

Butt-head

Oh yeah. They're always taking a dump.

I give my heart and soul to you!

Butt-head

Whoa! He said he gave his heart and soul to some chick.

Beavis

That must have been like...at least 50 pounds of meat.

Butt-head

This music is slow and fat.

Beavis

Yeah. This is the kind of music you have on a workout tape--if you're skinny and you wanna get fat!

Butt-head

Yeah. It's like you put this on, then you like pig out.

Beavis

And then every now and then, you just go "I GIVE MY HEART AND SOUL TO YOU!!!"

Butt-head

Yeah. And then you just sit there and get fat.

Butt-head

I think this is, like, a love song.

Beavis

Yeah. It is a love song so divine.

Butt-head

Did you see that guy?

Beavis

Yeah, really.

Butt-head

Must be his first concert.

Beavis

His mom's waiting outside in the stationwagon.

Butt-head

She said, "Okay, now what time's the concert gonna be over?"

Beavis

What a wuss!

Butt-head

Oh no. Is this The Eurythmics?

Beavis

[laughs] You said, um...you said, uh...eur...uh...you said something...eur...uh, urine?

Butt-head

No, Beavis. I said is this The Eurythmics?

Beavis

Yeah, I know, but it sounds kinda funny because it sounds like eur...uh, sounds kinda urine-y. There's something there.

Butt-head

Shut up.

Beavis

Come on, shut the truck. SHUT IT!

Butt-head

Yeah! This reminds me of that part in Goodfellas where they have that guy in the trunk. That movie was funny.

Beavis

Remember that one part where he goes "What do you mean I'm funny? What do you mean? Funny looking, what are you talking about? Funny, what, am I here to amuse you? Am I hear for your entertainment? What are you talking about? No! You said I was funny!" Pretty good, huh?

Butt-head

Yeah, then that guy wussed out. Remember that time you were doing it to McVicker?

Beavis

That didn't work out to well, Butt-head.

Butt-head

Yeah. You wussed out too.

Butt-head

If I ever get my own car, I think I'm gonna get a truck.

Beavis

Yeah, a truck with a big engine that goes "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"

Butt-head

Yeah. And one that's razed up thirty feet above the ground. Then I'd, like, drive around town crushing stuff.

Beavis

Yeah, you could get one with one of those musical horns, and when you beep the horn, it goes, [imitates the Iron Man riff] "Dun-dun-da-dun-dun! Dunna-nana-nana-dun-duh-dun-duh!"

Butt-head

That would be cool.

Beavis

Then all the chicks would go out with you.

Butt-head

If they didn't, we'd like, run over their cars.

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, I think I saw these guys at Chuck E. Cheese's

Butt-head

Oh yeah! They sucked.

Beavis

I kept banging on the glass and saying "STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!"

Butt-head

Oh yeah, then you got your butt kicked.

Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah. That was cool.