Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

This is that group with George Michael, and Kenny G., and Snow.

Beavis

It's a superSUCKgroup!

Butt-head

Oh no.

Beavis

Oh God. Here we go again with another crappy suck video.

Butt-head

Here we go again.

Beavis

This sucks!

Butt-head

[Imitating lead singer] UHUHUHUHUHUHUH!

Beavis

Oh God.

Butt-head

What the hell is the problem with this crap?

Beavis

This sucks.

Butt-head

[Sees a note that says Don't try to follow] Yeah, I think that's what that note said.

Beavis

[in time with the song] Damn it, damn it, son of a bitch. Damn it, damn it, son of a bitch.

Butt-head

If those were the words, it'd be cool!

Beavis

I was thinking of writing a song called "Damn it, Son of a bitch!" And it's gonna go something like "Damn it, damn it, son of a bitch/Damn it, damn it, son of a bitch/Son of a BIIIITTTCCCHHHH!/SON OF A BITCH, SON OF A BITTTCCHHH!/Dammit dammit dammit".

Butt-head

That's pretty cool.

Butt-head

She sucks so bad, they locked her in a box. You know who else ought to do a concert inside of a box? Nelson.

Beavis

Yeah, Bon Jovi.

Butt-head

How come those guys have to use a crowbar? Nobody nailed it shut!

Beavis

They're using Crowbar?

Butt-head

Yeah. They should get that big fat dude from Crowbar to come into this video and straighten everybody out.

Beavis

Yeah. He'd make them all do push-ups.

Beavis

Um...water! Wa-ter!

Butt-head

Yep, there's some water.

Butt-head

I'm getting sick and tired of these videos where there's like, college dudes, and they're all in the water and you know, being all smartass...

Beavis

Yeah yeah, really.

Butt-head

Uh...maybe we should turn the TV off.

Beavis

Okay, yeah! Let's turn it off. Okay. [Butt-head turns the TV off; the two sigh in relaxation] Um...hmm...so um...how's it going?

Butt-head

Uh...pretty good.

Beavis

So um...so uh...so what did you do today?

Butt-head

Uh...I've been sitting here all day, Beavis.

Beavis

Oh yeah.

Butt-head

Uh...oh boy.

Beavis

Ahh! Okay. So um...you been getting any?

Butt-head

Uh...no.

Beavis

So um...what's on TV?

Butt-head

Uh...I don't know, let's see.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! That's a good idea! [The video comes back on] Oh, cool! A video! Ahh, this is great.

You wanna tell me what this is all about?

Butt-head

You wanna tell me what this is all about?

Beavis

The reason I brought you here, is I wanna do you.

Butt-head

Uh...oh yeah. This is from that movie where like, you know, that white chick goes into the hood and teaches everybody how to get good grades.

Beavis

Oh yeah. They always have movies like that where there's this teacher, and there's like all good, and everybody stops being a gangsta and everybody gets good grades and goes to college.

Butt-head

Yeah, and it's like, you know, she "makes a difference" or something.

Beavis

Yeah. That's really stupid.

Butt-head

Yeah. They should like, make a movie that's, you know, realistic...

Beavis

Uh-huh.

Butt-head

...where the teacher sucks, nobody learns anything, and in the end, it's like you be all stupid.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, yeah! That would rule! And then it's like, see, you could have some cars blowing up and stuff, and you could like, show some boobs, and like, a big chase scene, you know...that would rule!

I can't get a girl 'cause I ain't got a car.

Butt-head

Yeah!

Beavis

Yeah yeah, really!

I can't get a car 'cause I ain't got a job.

Beavis

Yeah, really!

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

Me neither.

Butt-head

Me neither.

I can't get a job 'cause I ain't got a car.

Butt-head

Yeah!

Beavis

Yeah, really.

Butt-head

Life sucks.

So I'm looking for a girl with a job and a car.

Butt-head

Whoa! Find a girl with a job and a car. That's a good idea.

Beavis

Oh yeah. This guy's really smart!

Butt-head

Yeah. It's like he figures out what his problems are, and then he figures out what to do with it.

I can't go to school 'cause I ain't got a gun.

Butt-head

Preach on, brother Cooper.

Beavis

Mmhmm, I know that's right.

I ain't got a gun 'cause I ain't got a job.

Beavis

Mmmhmm, I heard that.

I ain't got a job 'cause I can't go to school

Butt-head

That sucks.

So I'm looking for a girl with a gun and a job. And a house, with cable.

Butt-head

He doesn't get cable?

Beavis

What a dumbass. If you don't have cable, you might as well, um...go to school or something.

Butt-head

He can't go to school, remember? He doesn't have a job or a girl or a car or cable.

Beavis

He doesn't have cable? No way. I thought all rock stars had cable and stuff.

Beavis

One Adam Five, One Adam Five, we have a wild man in a cemetery, repeat, a wild man in a cemetery!

Butt-head

Perpetrator was last seen running around like some kind of butt monkey! Please, uhh...apprehend and stuff.

Beavis

And uh, kick his ass! Yeah, kick him in the nads.

Butt-head

All these videos nowadays, it's like, they have this one really weird dude in 'em.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, it's like, all of them have this one really weird guy running around. Except for this video.

Butt-head

Uhh, Beavis, I was talking about this video. They got that dude with the damn tattoo and the bald head.

Beavis

Yeah, but he's not that weird. There's dudes like that everywhere.

Butt-head

I know, and they're all weird.

Beavis

Oh.

Beavis

It's like, everybody knows that, y'know, like, death and, like, the graveyard and all that stuff is pretty cool and everything, but it's like, they need to show it in a new way or something.

Butt-head

Yeah, really. it's like, y'know, it's pretty cool that they decided to do a video in a graveyard, y'know, with like, a little crazy dude running around, but it's like, I've already seen it.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, yeah! Exactly! It's like, I mean, I don't have all the answers, y'know, it's like I probably couldn't do a better job myself, but y'know, I just gotta say, y'know, frankly, um, uh...it's been done! Heh, heh, Frankly.

Butt-head

Frank.

Beavis

Frank? Oh yeah. Frank.