Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Yes!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, here it is!

Butt-head

It's about time!

Beavis

It's on, Butt-head, it's on!

Butt-head

Okay, Beavis, now shut up!

Beavis

Okay. I'm just gonna shut my mouth and watch. [hums the main riff]

Beavis

YEAH!!! Check this part out. Yeah, they're gonna kick some ass now!

Butt-head

Beavis, you said you were gonna shut up.

Beavis

Oh sorry. I'm just gonna shut up and listen. [Cochese kicks a concrete wall] Yeah, yeah, kick it!

Beavis

Now see, this guy's going up on the roof, and this guy doesn't know what's gonna happen, so when they go in, when he goes into his apartment, they're gonna beat the living crap out of him! Check out.

Butt-head

Dammit Beavis, I told you to shut up!

Beavis

Okay, okay! I'm not gonna say anything! I'm just gonna be quiet. I'm just gonna be quiet for a while.

Beavis

Whoa, check this out! See, he's coming in, he's delivering room service...

Butt-head

[interrupting] Dammit Beavis! [slaps Beavis]

Beavis

Oh, sorry. Yeah, I forgot. Yeah, this is exciting! Yeah, yeah.

Beavis

Now that's Stewart Wallace, see? Sir Stewart Wallace, he plays himself. This is gonna be cool when the video finally comes out.

Butt-head

Uhh, what are you talking about, Beavis?

Beavis

You know, when the real video finally comes out?

Butt-head

This is the video, dumbass.

Beavis

No way! That's cool.

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, see, there's Fred Kelly, he plays Bunny.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, it's Nathan Wind, see? It's Cochese!

Butt-head

Cochese is cool.

Beavis

Yeah, Cochese kicks ass!

Beavis

That's "the Rookie", see? See Cochese back there?

Butt-head

Uh-huh.

Beavis

See, the Rookie, he's got a really short fuse.

Butt-head

Oh yeah.

Beavis

It's like, he's pretty good, but it's like, he's got a bad temper, and so like, Cochese has to calm him down sometimes.

Butt-head

Cool.

Beavis

Whoa, what's that noise?

Butt-head

It's Satan, dumbass. [imitates warbled tape]

Beavis

Yeah, heh, that's cool.

Tonight the city is full of morgues...

Butt-head

Tonight, the city's full of whores?

Beavis

I wish our city was full of whores. That'd be pretty cool.

Butt-head

Uh...yeah, I guess that would be pretty cool.

Butt-head

Check it out Beavis, his shirt says "Kick me".

Beavis

Maybe someone will kick him in the nads.

Butt-head

That would be cool.

Beavis

Yeah, kick him.

Beavis

Who is this fartknocker, anyway?

Butt-head

He's like, one of those dudes from the gifted class.

Beavis

Those guys always, like, write words like this.

Butt-head

Yeah, really. "The sails climb high in the garbage pail sky." That's stupid.

Beavis

How come people in the gifted class are always stupid?

Butt-head

Uhh...hmm. I dunno.

Butt-head

Whoa! Is this the Black Crowes?

Beavis

Yeah!

Butt-head

Wait a minute, this isn't Black Crowes. This is cool.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! These guys are cool!

Butt-head

Hey Beavis, who are these guys?

Beavis

Uhhhhh, ummmm, I think they just went on tour with Anthrax and White Zombie.

Butt-head

Oh yeah. They're cool.

Tales from the hard side!

Butt-head

Tales from the hard side? Is that like, stories about stiffies?

Beavis

Yeah, it's like, once upon a time, I had a stiffy, and I lived happily ever after, and that's my tale from the hard side. Thank you, I'm Beavis. Good night.

Butt-head

If I had a story for every stiffy I ever had, I'd have uh...several stories.

Beavis

Yeah yeah, me too.

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, it's like, these guys jump around and stuff like they're rapping, but this isn't rap music! It's metal!

Butt-head

So what, Beavis? You just don't have any like, uh...imagination.

Beavis

Um...I know. I don't want any either. Imagination sucks! It hurts when I use my imagination.

Butt-head

Okay.