Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Whoa! That dude can scream for a long time.

Beavis

No way, that's nothing! Check this out. [Beavis screams without stopping for the remainder of the video]

Butt-head

Shut up!

Butt-head

These guys are cool cause they're like, pissed off.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like they're cool cause they're like, pissed off.

Butt-head

Damnit Beavis, how come you always have to repeat what I say? Why do you do that?

Beavis

Yeah, heh, why do you do that?

Butt-head

Beavis, if you repeat what I say one more time I'm gonna kick your ass.

Beavis

I'm gonna kick your ass.

Butt-head

See, you did it again, Beavis.

Beavis

You did it again, heh, Beavis.

Butt-head

Uh...this is boring.

Beavis

Yeah, really! It's boring enough to watch this, and then they're bored doing it; maybe next time, they'll learn to rock!

Butt-head

What a bunch of wussies. It's like they're all hanging out by the diving board, but like, everyone's too chicken to jump off.

Beavis

If they could like take those guitars and those amps, and just like, push them off the diving board and into the water, and you know, watch them all get electrocuted or something, that would rule!

Beavis

You know, um, I dove off the high dive once. Remember? That was cool.

Butt-head

Uh, you didn't dive, Beavis, you fell off. You were trying to run back to the ladder and you slipped.

Beavis

No, no way!

Butt-head

You were flailing around in the water. And then that dude with the hairy chest came and saved you.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! At least I fell off it! I didn't even see you climb up!

Butt-head

Yeah I did! After they took you off in the ambulance, I was like, doing a bunch of swan dives. It was cool! And then I scored.

Beavis

Whoa, really? You're cool, Butt-head!

Butt-head

Yeah. It was cool!

Butt-head

This is that, Bee-ork chick...

Beavis

I heard she has a, you know, like, a schlong.

Butt-head

Where did you hear that?

Beavis

This guy told me.

Butt-head

What guy?

Beavis

This guy in the bathroom.

Butt-head

You mean in the bathroom at school?

Beavis

No, the bathroom right here. Right here in this house.

Butt-head

What are you talking about, Beavis?

Beavis

There's this dude who's in there sometimes. I'm serious. He's probably still there, he was there this morning.

Butt-head

Damn it Beavis. There's no one in there.

Beavis

Yes there is, Butt-head. Go check it out.

Butt-head

Beavis, you're a bunghole. [exits. the sound of a door opening can be heard] Uhh...Beavis, flush the toilet next time! [re-enters] There wasn't anybody in there.

Beavis

Hm. Usually he's in the mirror.

Butt-head

Uhh...does he look like a buttmunch?

Beavis

Um...yeah.

Butt-head

Does he have like blond hair?

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, that's him. Yeah.

Butt-head

And does he kinda talk like this? [does a bad impression of Beavis] "Oh yeah, uh huh huh huh."

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! Kinda like that. "Yeah, yeah, björk has a dong".

Butt-head

Dumbass.

Beavis

Is that Snoop Doggy Dog?

Butt-head

No, dumbass. That's a chick. She's got his haircut, though.

Beavis

She's a weirdo.

Butt-head

She's like one of those drama club teachers.

Beavis

They're always trying to get you to prance around like some kind of wussy.

Butt-head

Yeah, it's like they say: "Be a tree".

Beavis

"Now be a sad tree, now be a happy tree".

Butt-head

Man, this chick is out of her gourd.

Beavis

She's like completely whacked out.

Butt-head

I can't really blame her, because, like, some of these weird chicks makes tons of money.

Beavis

Really?

Butt-head

Yeah, it's not like they are going around saying: "We need a normal chick to dance on a truck."

Beavis

Butt-head, do you think I could make some like money if I acted like a weird chick.

Butt-head

I think you have to be like from England or something.

Beavis

Dammit.

Butt-head

Whoa, she's grabbing her crotch!

Beavis

Oh yeah. Butt-head, I though chicks didn't have a crotch.

Butt-head

No, dumbass. You're thinking of nads

Beavis

No, I'm thinking of the crotch actually. But, some girls have a crotch? I'll be damned.

Beavis

Whoa, cool! That's just like that spaceship I was telling you about, Butt-head!

Butt-head

Uh, what spaceship?

Beavis

Y'know, that one that landed right outside my window? And then like, these dudes came in the house and like, hypmotized me, and then like, took me into space and stuff. See, check out these marks on my leg. This is where they tried to esperiment on me.

Butt-head

Beavis, that's where you got a gravel burn tryin' to look cool on your bike!

Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah, that's right.

Butt-head

And you looked like a dork.

Beavis

Yeah, that wasn't too good, yeah.

Beavis

Whoa! Check it out, Butt-head, they're gonna put him in the oven! AH!

Butt-head

Yeah. They're putting him in the oven 'cause no one likes him anymore.

Beavis

Um, I still kinda like him, but um, but y'know, I think it's cool that they're gonna put him in the oven. Y'know.

Beavis

Who are these little guys?

Butt-head

Uh, I think these are like the Seminiferous Nadclobial Buttnoids?

Beavis

Oh yeah, the Seminiferous Buttcloids from outer space. Yeah, yeah that's what they are.

Butt-head

They're gonna climb inside his mouth and walk down to his wiener!

Beavis

Yeah, this is gonna be cool. Y'know if, um, if those Seminiferous Nadial Globial Buttnoids had to walk down my mouth and like, all the way down to my wiener, that would be a long walk! Know what I'm saying? Y'know?

Butt-head

Yeah. And then they'd probably get lost and come out your bunghole.

Beavis

Yeah, and then I could poop 'em out! Poop!

Butt-head

Remember that time your mom's cat ate all that string? And then for like a week he had, like, poop on a rope.

Beavis

Oh yeah, that was cool! It was like sausage links! That ruled.

Beavis

Whoa! Check out that chick's panties!

Butt-head

Damn it, Beavis! Don't talk to me when a chick's panties are on TV. It's like...you mess up my mind, and I can't see the panties right.

Butt-head

Uh...I think this is Blues Traveler.

Beavis

No it's not! Where's that big fat dude?

Butt-head

I think that's him, Beavis. I think he just like, lost a lot of weight.

Beavis

Dammit, that pisses me off! Everybody keeps getting skinny!

Butt-head

Yeah. He looked better when he was a big, fat slob on stage going blblblblblblblblblbl.

Beavis

Yeah. His stomach was hanging over his pants, going blblblblblblblblblbl.

Butt-head

No Beavis! I'm fingering my lips. Blblblblblblblblblbl-big fat dude-blblblblblbl.