Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Is this like, a commercial for VH1?

Beavis

Yeah. "The difference between you and your parents".

Butt-head

That's stupid.

Butt-head

The army kicks ass.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Is Anthrax in the army?

Butt-head

Uh, I think that Scott dude is in the army.

Beavis

Yeah, he has a regulation cut. Like Major Dan.

Butt-head

Yeah: "Today's army rocks".

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, this is like that thing they play, like, really late at night when the station's, like, going off the air.

Butt-head

Yeah, only the music's alot cooler. This should, like, be the National Anthem.

Beavis

Yeah, the National Anthrax.

Butt-head

Yeah, like they could play it at baseball games and stuff.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! Like, the Judds could come out and go: "I CAN'T LOOK AT YOU! I CAN'T LOOK LIKE YOU!"

Butt-head

That's pretty good Beavis. You sound just like the Judds.

Beavis

Yes, bombs! Hey Butt-head, wouldn't that be cool if like, one day we were like, going to school and a bunch of planes dropped a bunch of bombs?

Butt-head

You dumbass. Bombs would like, hurt and stuff. It's only cool when they drop 'em on CNN.

Beavis

Is this Wilson Phillips?

Butt-head

Yeah. This is back when they were cool.

Beavis

I'm your Beavis!

Butt-head

I'm your Venus...um, hey Beavis, what rhymes with "Venus"?

Beavis

Um...um...venus...Venus Flytrap.

Butt-head

These chicks should marry GWAR.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! That would be cool!

Butt-head

They would have offspring that would be the coolest people ever lived.

Beavis

Yeah! And they would rule Antarctica.

Butt-head

They would rule the entire world.

Butt-head

Who's this fartknocker?

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. What's wrong with him?

Butt-head

He should like, go to the doctor, and say: "Doctor, I suck! You've gotta help me!"

Beavis

Yeah, heh, that would be cool.

Butt-head

AUGH! It's that dude!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, it's that Boy chick.

Butt-head

What a dork!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, really!

Butt-head

Oh, I know what this is! This is one of those things where a bunch of rich people get together and ask for money.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, it's one of those things.

Butt-head

I heard these girls bang elves. Hey Beavis, would you bangle her?

Beavis

Yeah!

Butt-head

Whoa, cool!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! I like watching people fall down on TV! It's funny.

Butt-head

Yeah, it's like, if he was just falling downstairs, it would be over fast, but with an escalator, it just keeps going.

Beavis

You know, um, it'd be funnier if he was fat, but you know this is still pretty cool.

Butt-head

Yeah. This rules! I could watch this forever.

Beavis

I don't think he even wants to get up the escalator.

Butt-head

Maybe if he'd go buy something instead of monkeying around on the escalator, the economy wouldn't suck.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, yeah! Get off your butt, get off that escalator and go by a Cinnabon! Maybe some Dippin' Dots.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Beastie Boys! Yeah! Alright!

Butt-head

Yeah. It's about time.

Beavis

HELL YEAH! HELL YEAH!

Butt-head

Uh, I heard on MTV News that this dude's dad writes movies.

Beavis

What do you mean, he writes movies? You can't read a movie!

Butt-head

No, it's like, he writes what they say.

Beavis

You mean he just like goes to movies and sits there and writes down everything they say??

Butt-head

No he writes it down before they say it!

Beavis

Well how does he know what they're gonna say??!!

Butt-head

He just, like, makes it up.

Beavis

Really? Well anybody can do that!

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

So like, if there's an explosion, does he write that?

Butt-head

Uhh, I think he just like, writes "kaboom".

Beavis

How about when like people are like, you know, naked and getting it on?

Butt-head

Uhh, he just writes "squeak, squeak, squeak, wank".

Beavis

I'll be damned. Well, anybody could do that! It's like, you know, okay, two dudes go try to like, rob this other dude, and he has this chick and she's got big hooters...see, see? I'm doing it right now.

Butt-head

Yeah, but you're not writing it down.

Beavis

Oh yeah.