Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Whoa!

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

This is horrible!

Beavis

Yeah, really. Bunch of rich kid sissy boys prancing around on a boat.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

Is this, like, Jeopardy?

Butt-head

Yeah. Uh, I'll take "Stuff That Sucks" for 500, Alex.

Beavis

Yeah. What is John Cougar Mellencamp?

Butt-head

You're supposed to form your question in the phrase of an answer.

Beavis

Oh yeah.

Butt-head

You are now discolorfied.

Butt-head

Whoa! It's that dude who likes all those prostitutes!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah.

Butt-head

Check this out, Beavis. [imitating Jimmy Swaggart] "I have sinned against you!" That was cool!

Butt-head

Is this CNN?

Beavis

Yeah. How come they never show reruns on the news?

Butt-head

They do! That's why it sucks! Every time you see something, it's already happened.

Beavis

Yeah. That would be cool if, like, there was an explosion, and they would tell you where it's gonna happen so you could go check it out.

Butt-head

Yeah! That would be great!

Butt-head

Skateboards are cool.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Like, I was skateboarding down a hill once, and I like, hit this rock, and it stopped my skateboard, only I kept going, so I landed on my stomach, and I kept, like, sliding, like, for a hundred feet, and I scraped up my entire body--

Butt-head

What are you talking about, Beavis? You've never skateboarded in your life!

Beavis

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Sorry about that. But - but like, anyways, s - so like, when I stood up, I had all this blood all over me, and like, these kids were watching, and like, that's when I knew skateboarding was cool.

Butt-head

You liar!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Lying is cool.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Butt-head

Ugh!

Beavis

YES! YES!

Butt-head

You know, like, this band sucks. But it's like, they suck, like, in new ways, you know?

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

Like, they suck in ways we haven't, like, seen stuff suck before. So it's, like, pretty cool.

Beavis

Yeah. It's like, a lot of bands suck, but then like, these guys, like, suck, like, in their own way.

Butt-head

Yeah!

Beavis

So it's like, it's like, pretty cool because, like, stuff sucks, but it's like, it sucks, like, in a different way.

Butt-head

Yeah. But like, what I was trying to say, is like, they suck.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Beavis

Uh...come on, Butt-head, change it, I think this is that music factory thing again.

Butt-head

Uhh...no it's not. I think it rocks later.

Beavis

Whoa! Is this White Zombie?

Butt-head

Uhh...might as well be.

Beavis

What-- Marcus Welby, what...

Butt-head

Every time you see a dude like this in a video with a suit on and sunglasses, it means he bad.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. I think that's that guy from that commercial for the Institute of Entertainment Arts. Check this out. "Behind every rock band is an elite group of professionals that make the show happen!"

Butt-head

Oh yeah.

Beavis

Um, I was thinking of signing up for that, you know. I bet I could score.

Butt-head

Beavis, you could own the whole arena, and you wouldn't score.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head. I bet I could score if I had one of those cellular phones. Yeah.

Butt-head

Uhh, maybe. But you're never gonna get one of those.

Beavis

Um, well, I can get a fake one. I'd be like, "Okay, we'll have the band over there, we'll be right over, okay." Yeah.

Butt-head

Uh...what happened to Axl?

Beavis

Yeah yeah, really. These guys were probably, like, "Okay, Axl. I'm gonna give you one more chance, but if you wear another skirt on stage, you're out of the band."

Butt-head

Yeah! And then this guy came along, and he was, like, "Well, okay, I won't wear a skirt, but uh, can I like, at least wear tights?"

Beavis

Yeah. And they were, like, "Hmm, tights. Well, okay, yeah yeah, go - go ahead and wear tights. Just don't wear any high heels or anything."

Beavis

Um...who is this guy? This guy looks familiar.

Butt-head

Uh, he kinda looks like that little four-year-old down the street.

Beavis

Yeah, that little kid who's always going, like, "It's my football! Give it back! I'm gonna go back to my house!"

Butt-head

Yeah! Remember that time he shoved his Power Rangers up your butt?

Beavis

Really? Cool.

Butt-head

Uh, I heard that kid might have the same dad as you.

Beavis

No way, really? Cool. Yeah.

Butt-head

You know who else this guy looks like? He looks like that dude that's always stomping us on the way to school and making us give him money.

Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah. He's like, "You got some money? All the money I find on you is mine!"

Butt-head

Yeah. Remember that day he stomped your ass 'cause you only had a dime?

Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah.

Beavis

Check this out, Butt-head. "You could be saving money on long distance calls to family and friends."

Butt-head

Yeah. "They keep talking about big savings, but I just don't see it."

Butt-head

This guy looks like a mass murderer.

Beavis

Yeah. He looks kinda like you.

Butt-head

This guy's supposed to be better than The Beatles and Elvis.

Beavis

Yeah. He's not as cool as Metallica, though.