Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

This dude dances like John Cougar Mallomar.

Beavis

Yeah. But he doesn't suck as much.

Butt-head

Yeah. John Cougar Melon Balls really sucks!

Beavis

Yeah. John Cougar Military Camp.

Butt-head

The one cool thing about this dude is that he always has chicks with big thingies in his videos.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Butt-head

Whoa! That guitar is cool!

Beavis

Yeah. It's shaped like one of those things.

Butt-head

Yeah. Like that tattoo on your mom's butt.

Beavis

No, that one's on her shoulder. She's got a battleship on her butt.

Butt-head

Oh yeah.

Beavis

[mocking David Lee Roth's long hair] And remember, I'm not only the Hair Club president, I'm also a member!

Butt-head

You said "member." That was cool.

Butt-head

Uh...who the Hell is this?

Beavis

Um...um...um...

Butt-head

Uh, this guy sorta sounds familiar.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. He kinda looks familiar, too. Um...umm...is this Adam Curry?

Butt-head

No. Uh, is it Sting?

Beavis

No, that's not Sting, that's umm...uh, oh, I know, that's Miss Romano from, um, from, uh, uh, One Day at a Time!

Butt-head

No it's not! I think it's David Lee Roth?

Beavis

Yeah, yeah right. Um...maybe it's, umm--

Butt-head

Beavis, I think this is David Lee Roth. Oh my God!

Beavis

Oh! Yeah, yeah, it's him! Where are all the chicks?

Butt-head

I don't know. It's like, something's wrong with him.

Beavis

Yeah. I'm concerned about him.

Butt-head

This is a def jam. These guys are def.

Beavis

Whoa! You mean they can't hear?

Butt-head

No, Beavis!

Butt-head

Hey, Beavis. Are you down with the king?

Beavis

Are they talking about, like, Don King?

Butt-head

No, dumbass, he was talking about Burger King.

Beavis

Yeah.

...since kindergarten, I acquired the knowledge, and after 12th grade, I went straight to college.

Butt-head

Whoa! College sucks!

Beavis

Yeah. I don't like knowledge, either.

Beavis

This chick is hot.

Butt-head

Oh yeah? Would you make out with her?

Beavis

Yeah! I'd be all over it!

Butt-head

Really? That's a guy, Beavis.

Beavis

No way!

Butt-head

You want to make out with a dude!

Butt-head

He's got a nice butt, huh, Beavis?

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head!

Butt-head

Ooh! He's sexy, huh, Beavis?

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head!

Beavis

Whoa, is that Jesus? Is that our Lord Jesus Christ?

Butt-head

Uh, no, I think it's Lenny Kravitz.

Beavis

Umm...no, I think it's... [disappointed] oh, it's Rush. Oh, God.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

[imitating the Rush song "The Spirit of Radio"] Invisible airwaves crackle with life! Bright antennae bristle with the energy! Um, this guitar sounds kinda cool, though.

Butt-head

Yeah. If you happen to be a wuss.

Beavis

Oh yeah.

Butt-head

A dude with dreadlocks and tattoos strapped to a chair. That's a good idea for a video.

Beavis

Um, didn't they do that before?

Butt-head

Yeah, but like, this guy's on a pole.

Beavis

O - oh yeah, yeah. No, wait a minute, Butt-head! I think they already did that, too, I saw a dude, like, strapped to a chair up on, you know, like, on a pole.

Butt-head

Yeah, but he didn't have dreadlocks.

Beavis

Um...umm, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. He had tattoos, though. That's what I was thinking.

Butt-head

Yeah, it's like, they've had dudes with dreadlocks strapped to a chair on a pole...

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

...but they didn't have a tattoo.

Beavis

M hm.

Butt-head

And it's like, they had dudes with tattoos tied to a chair...

Beavis

Yep.

Butt-head

...but like, they weren't on a pole...

Beavis

Yep.

Butt-head

...and they didn't have dreadlocks.

Beavis

Yeah, I remember that. Yep.

Butt-head

So this is, like, you know, all original and stuff.

Beavis

Yeah, that's right. That's right. M hm. [chuckling] Pole.

Butt-head

Yeah. Pole.

Beavis

I think I saw Lenny Kravitz tied to a cross once, too.

Butt-head

No, Beavis, that was Jesus!

Beavis

Oh, oh yeah, yeah. You're right.

Beavis

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! STEP ON HIM! Kick him in the nads! KICK HIM!

Butt-head

Yeah! Funk dat!

Beavis

Funk dat, funk dat!

Butt-head

I like chicks with leather jackets.

Beavis

Yeah! Me too!

Push it good!

Beavis

Push what?

Butt-head

Push that little button on the remote.

Beavis

Yeah.