Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

You were supposed to be spotting me! Stickboy!

Butt-Head

Uh... There you are. Uhuhuh

Beavis

Yeah yeah, heh heh, I spotted you right over there.

[lifts them up by the neck and growls]

Beavis

[while choking] Heh heh hey, don't make me kick your ass.

Beavis

Hehe, hey, Butt-head. Come here. Check it out, Butt-head. Spandex. [Beavis finds out he was checking out a man] AAH!

Butt-head

You were checking out a dude's butt.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! You were checking him out, too.

Butt-head

No, I wasn't. I knew it was a guy. I was just gonna, like, wait and say something later.

Butt-head

Let's not use our real names.

Beavis

Yea

Butt-head

[on the phone] I'm Beavis and he's Butt-head.

Buzzcut

Butthead, do you have an explanation for your inexplicable behavior?!

Uhh...I was dead? Uh huh huh.

Beavis

Heh heh. Yeah. He was dead. Heh heh.

Buzzcut

Butt-head, do you have an explanation for your inexplicable behavior?!

Butt-head

Uhh…I was dead?  Uh huh huh.

Beavis

Heh heh.  Yeah.  He was dead.  Heh heh.

Buzzcut

Do you or do you not have a reason for placing my life and my accreditation at risk?!

Butt-head

Uhh…I can't swim.  Uh huh huh.

Beavis

Yeah.  Heh heh.  Me too.

Buzzcut

And what about your patent disregard for Beavis!  Do you not care a rat's ass for the safety of your closest companion!?

Butt-head

Uhh…no.

Butt-head

Are they having another one of those Midnight Madness sales?

Beavis

Yeah. Yeah. WE'RE SLASHING PRICES! EVERYTHING MUST GO!

Butt-Head

We need to find a place to watch tv.

Beavis

Hey they got one.

Butt-Head

(Yelling to the men offscreen) YO, WAIT UP DUDE!

Butt-Head

Uhh.. never mind.

Butt-head

Mr. Stevenson, is that you?

Beavis, Butt-head, thank god! What happened? Tell me what happened?

Butt-head

Our TV broke.

Beavis

Can we watch it at your house?

Butt-head

(as David Letterman) So we're going to go over our Top 10 List from our home office in Butt, Montana. (bounces pencil on table which goes flying right through Beavis (Paul Shaffer)'s glasses)

Beavis

AGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

Butt-head

WHOA! That was cool!

Beavis

So like, in heaven, will all the chicks do anything I want?

No.

Beavis

That sucks. Do I get X-Ray Vision? Can I get some nachos?

No.

Beavis

Are you sure this is heaven?

Beavis

What do you know, asswipe?

I know everything, buttmunch.

Beavis

  Woah, hey check that out!

Butt-head

  [pronouncing "fortune teller"]  Fuh…fuh fart…Fuuh…forr…tuu…"Fortune," huh, huh, "Fortune Teller."

Beavis

  Yeah, heh, heh, heh, let's go tell her our fortune.  Heh, heh, heh.

Butt-head

  No dumbass.  She tells your fourtune.

Beavis

  Oh, heh, heh, heh, hey Butt-head, what's that mean?

Butt-head

  You know, your future.

Beavis

  Heh, heh, heh, what's that mean?

Butt-head

  I don't know.  Huh, huh, huh.

  I see…a mansion…with many faithful servants…a yacht…

Beavis

  I don't see any of that crap.

Butt-head

  I didn't know you were psychic, Beavis.

Beavis

  Yeah, remember what those doctors said on those tests?

Butt-head

, No Beavis, they said you were psycho.

  You boys don't look like you can afford anything in the store.  Am I right?

Butt-head

  Uhh…

Beavis

  Umm…

  Only paying customers are allowed to come here and stare.  Now, get out!