Butt-headUhh, hey, we're back.
Hey Butt-head, check it out, there's a marching band out here.
Butt-head
Really? They suck.
Yeah, but, you know, it could be kinda cool to be in a marching band. You know, those guys just poop right on the street.
Butt-head
What are you talking about, Beavis?
No, no, I'm serious. I'm serious, one time, when I was a kid I saw this parade, and after the marching band went by, there were these big huge turds everywhere. And it was like, there was grass sticking out of them and stuff. It was cool.
Butt-head
Beavis, you dumbass, those turds didn't come from the band, they came from the horses.
But, um...oh! That would explain the grass. But, um, that's really too bad, you know, cause I was thinking it would be cool to join the school band, and you know, you'd just be marching along, playing your instrument, you know, and be like, [sings] "Dun-da-da-dun-da-da-da-da-da-plop!"
Butt-head
Beavis...
Yeah, and then, whenever I'd be taking a poop at school, somebody would be like "What are you doing in there?", and I'd be like, "I'm trying out for the band!", plop.
Butt-head
Dammit Beavis, if this wasn't Thanksgiving, I'd be slapping the crap out of you, now shut up. [to camera] Hey Loder, this music sucks, why don't you make yourself useful and play a video?
Music Video Segments
Um, heh, is this football?
Butt-head
Uhhh, no I think this is that, uh, shampoo commercial.
No it's not! Y'know what this is? This is Telemundo! [gibbers in Spanish]
Butt-head
How come you always watch Telemundo, Beavis?
Um, because they have all these fine chicks, with big boobs, and like, really tight dresses.
Butt-head
Oh yeah. It seems like they always have some big, fat host on Telemundo, who's like, all dorky looking. And then like, all the chicks are really good looking.
Yeah, yeah, that guy's cool!
Butt-head
Yeah, he always walks up to the chicks with his microphone and goes: "Aprenda, [Spanish gibberish]."
Oh yeah. I bet he scores constantly!
Y'know what I think I'm gonna do? I'm gonna shave my chest like these dudes, and walk around with one of these vests, and like learn to dance like that. And then, I will score all the time!
Butt-head
Instead of doing that, why don't you just, like, talk all that Spanish stuff? That would probably work.
Heh, oh yeah. "Hey baby, [Spanish gibberish]."
Butt-head
I'm gonna try becoming one of those big, fat dudes, and go: "[Spanish gibberish]".
This music kind of sucks.
Butt-head
This isn't even music really. This is just like that kind of crap that guy plays down at the organ store at the mall, on one of those $10,000 organs.
Yeah, heh: "How much for your organ, sir?"
Butt-head
"Uh, that'll be $10,000 son. Please don't touch it."
3OH!3, Touchin' on My
[Referring to man walking with stereo] Well look at this guy. Got his whole day ahead of him, you know?
Butt-head
Strolling down the beach with the speakers the wrong way...
Not a care in the world, you know?
[The guy is hit by a car]
Butt-head
Uh... oh no. Well, at least he died before they started singing.
[A naked man appears from the front]
There was a schlong just then, but I'm not gonna say anything about it.
Butt-head
It's like, these guys both look like asswipes, but in two completely different ways.
You know, they compliment each other, you know?
Butt-head
Let's see, what else can they do to be an asswipe?
See, maybe they'll steal some jump ropes from little girls. Steal some money from a homeless guy.
Butt-head
Uh, boy. It's like, if their music by itself didn't make you hate them, they're giving you plenty of other reasons.
I bet deaf people hate them too.
I'm gonna go to the kitchen.
Butt-head
Why?
'Cause I have to take a leak.
Butt-head
Uh... you mean the bathroom, Beavis.
Um... oh yeah, didn't really matter. [Beavis gets up and leaves]
Butt-head
You should stick around, Beavis, because later on, you could see her... epidermis.
Um... OK, maybe I'll stick around for a couple of minutes.
Um... I thought you said we were gonna see her epnaspermis.
Butt-head
Uh... no. But your epidermis is showing.
Um... what? No way! Are you talking about my nutsack?
Butt-head
You don't know what it is! And everyone can see it.
Shut up! Your epraspermis is showing! And your nads are too, bunghole!
I've had enough of this crap. I'm gonna go to the kitchen. [leaves again]
Butt-head
Hey Beavis, get back in here! I just saw something cool! Whoa, Beavis, get back in her! Her pants are hiked up her butt!
Butt-head
Dumbass!
AC/DC, Dirty Deeds, Done Dirt Cheap
Beavis and Butt-Head · 2,204 quotes