Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Let's not use our real names.

Beavis

Yea

Butt-head

[on the phone] I'm Beavis and he's Butt-head.

Buzzcut

Butt-head, do you have an explanation for your inexplicable behavior?!

Butt-head

Uhh…I was dead?  Uh huh huh.

Beavis

Heh heh.  Yeah.  He was dead.  Heh heh.

Buzzcut

Do you or do you not have a reason for placing my life and my accreditation at risk?!

Butt-head

Uhh…I can't swim.  Uh huh huh.

Beavis

Yeah.  Heh heh.  Me too.

Buzzcut

And what about your patent disregard for Beavis!  Do you not care a rat's ass for the safety of your closest companion!?

Butt-head

Uhh…no.

We now return to Robert Yearing, Mellissa Gilbert, and Lou Ferigno in "Asbestos in Obstetrics."

Hey, Butt-head! What is Astesbos?

Butt-head

Uhh... It's like, health food or something.

Butt-head

Are they having another one of those Midnight Madness sales?

Beavis

Yeah. Yeah. WE'RE SLASHING PRICES! EVERYTHING MUST GO!

Butt-Head

We need to find a place to watch tv.

Beavis

Hey they got one.

Butt-Head

(Yelling to the men offscreen) YO, WAIT UP DUDE!

Butt-Head

Uhh.. never mind.

(Directing traffic) I need to go help out down at the community center, but I can't leave my post until someone releaves me.

Butt-Head

Uhh... just go behind a building, no one will see.

Butt-head

Mr. Stevenson, is that you?

Beavis, Butt-head, thank god! What happened? Tell me what happened?

Butt-head

Our TV broke.

Beavis

Can we watch it at your house?

  I need to go coordinate the emergency shelter at the Y, but I can't move my post until I'm relieved.

Butt-head

  Uhh…just go behind a building, dude.  No one will see.

Now, I'm going to close my eyes, and I want you to wow me.

Butt-head

Uh...Is that allowed on school property?

Butt-head

(as David Letterman) So we're going to go over our Top 10 List from our home office in Butt, Montana. (bounces pencil on table which goes flying right through Beavis (Paul Shaffer)'s glasses)

Beavis

AGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

Butt-head

WHOA! That was cool!

Tom Anderson

You know, when a man builds a new swimming pool, there's some things he just can't do by himself.

Butt-head

Beavis does things by himself.

Beavis

  Woah, hey check that out!

Butt-head

  [pronouncing "fortune teller"]  Fuh…fuh fart…Fuuh…forr…tuu…"Fortune," huh, huh, "Fortune Teller."

Beavis

  Yeah, heh, heh, heh, let's go tell her our fortune.  Heh, heh, heh.

Butt-head

  No dumbass.  She tells your fourtune.

Beavis

  Oh, heh, heh, heh, hey Butt-head, what's that mean?

Butt-head

  You know, your future.

Beavis

  Heh, heh, heh, what's that mean?

Butt-head

  I don't know.  Huh, huh, huh.

Butt-head

  I didn't know you were psychic, Beavis.

Beavis

  Yeah, remember what those doctors said on those tests?

Butt-head

, No Beavis, they said you were psycho.

  You boys don't look like you can afford anything in the store.  Am I right?

Butt-head

  Uhh…

Beavis

  Umm…

  Only paying customers are allowed to come here and stare.  Now, get out!

Butt-head

Uh, tacos? You said there were tacos?

Beavis

I don't feel too good. I don't want to draw some dude's schlong.